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Everyone acts like ugliness isn't a big deal. People act as if ugliness doesn't play a major part or hindrance in less attractive people's lives. People get treated on how they look. Attractive people get more privileges and get away with alot more things in general then their less attractive counterparts.
Superficial beauty is ingrained in our society to be the most important quality in people.
Why do people deny this? Is the truth to harsh to bare?
Less attractive men have less active sex lives, fewer friends and on average make less money.
This statement is objective.
Whats my point?
The truth is most people care about what someone looks like then what they have to say. As long as your not a total nut job, or mentally handicapped the better you look the better your life will be as long as you have common sense and some wit about you.
If your one of those 30 year old virgins maybe the problem isn't your game, maybe the problem is in the mirror.
In fact alot of people HATE ugly people just for the mere fact your ugly. They do not want to be associated with them, talk to them, touch them, or even acknowledge them. Women especially hate ugly men especially the really attractive women.
What society also doesn't tell you is that someone who is deemed ugly is permanently ugly which is also a lie. Unless you are physically deformed EVERYONE has the potential to look good. EVERYONE HAS UNIQUE CHARACTERISTICS AND AN INNER BEAUTY THAT CAN BE BROUGHT TO LIFE WITH PROPER MAINTENANCE. Imagine Hallie berry with acne all over her face, discolored teeth, discolored skin, and overweight with stretch marks. She has to maintain her image. Cosmetics has come a LOOONg way. I'm not talking nose jobs or lipal suction. I'm talking about braces or teeth whitening. Hitting the gym and using the proper facial cleaner products.
The point is....society is focused on how you present yourself and what you look like. Now bring on the flames and denial.
Well, you seem to hit on all of the points. What you said is generally true and there is some evidence to back that up.
What I especially like about this post is that you turned around and said... "But, here is what you can do."
(I know you didn't put it that way, but you gave options for the "less attractive people."
Most people who write these kinds of posts tend to write it like there is no hope.
I know a lot of us are not going to really read your post, though. We're just going to respond how you respond.
If you have 200 applicants for one job, you can pick. And obviously you would want to pick the one with the best qualifications. And if they all have good qualifications, you start nitpicking on little stuff. And the skinny one wins over the obese one who can hardly walk from the parking lot to the office and needs three times as long as everybody else. Not sure why this is so surprising. In a different thread I read that people complain that huge people smell like poop bec they can't reach their butt - why would you wanna hire a person who stinks up the office? I have never encountered that, but apparently that issue exists.
I have actually been in that situation in the past.
Several of my friends are much more attractive then me.
They have women chasing them left and right and for some twisted reason they think its "game."
How is it game if girl who doesn't even talk to you glances at you and immediately chases after you?
She texts, she pursues.
Constantly my friends would tell me, you need game, you need game.
No what I needed was a trip to the dentist, dermatologist, the gym and macy's men department.
Every once in a while I let my looks slip and its almost like living two lives.
If I let my acne get out of control, or wear less appealing clothes Im getting snug looks, money being handed back to me via thrown on the counter top and slid to me to insure that the female cashier doesn't touch my hand.
When I'm looking good I have women staring at me like I'm a piece of meat. The difference is extreme. Sometimes I get free stuff, cuts in lines, people smiling at me for no reason, I get brushed on a lot by a lot of women and at least once a day 1 of them find an excuse to grab my arms or touch it.
Like I said I have been on both sides of the fence. I know all the details. Like you said unattractive men require 3x heck more like 10x more game then attractive men. It's funny that people classify attractive people with less intelligence and personality when in reality most attractive people have more confidence then less attractive people. Attractive people usually have more outgoing personalities then less attractive people because they get more leniency when it comes to social interaction. Less attractive people typically have introvert personalities due to having lower confidence which were caused by being prejudged for their appearance in past life experiences.
Some people on this thread accept the truth but there are others who are still blind.
I geuss my gripe is that social skills are slightly overrated while the importance of upkeeping appearance is underrated. People have it in their minds that looks are 20% Personality is 40% and Intelligence is another 40%. In reality Looks is 50% Personality is 30% and Intelligence is 20%.
Even though my friends had the best intentions I don't appreciated being lied to (indirectly) just as society is lieing to less attractive people.
Instead of feeding this false information that people don't prioritize good looks we should say that less attractive people should put more emphasis on upkeeping their appearance then less attractive people.
If I were told that from the beginning instead of finding it out the hardway it would have saved me from a lot of pain. It would have saved me from the rude stares, rude comments, and passive aggression by people. I think less attractive people should be given that information to save them from a lot of pain.
I've kinda had that experience too.
At the same times I've had weird experiences when I haven't even changed my looks. Hard to explain.
You know I wonder why some posters have this view that the world is such a horrific unlivable harsh place if you are unattractive or overweight. I do agree that more attractive people get more breaks then unattractive sometimes but the general tone of this thread seems to be that if you're not attractive you might as well crawl in a hole and die. The world isn't that brutal a place. There are good-looking people who don't treat those less attractive then them as inferior and unattractive people who don't get treated like crap.
As for self-improvement, self improvement is something that should be done for self. I exercise so I will be healthy, bathe, groom my-self so I can feel comfortable. I can't sleep at night if I haven't showered. When I do these things, I don't consider "gee, will this make me more appealing to women". I do it so I don't smell musty and feel sweaty.
OP, your experiences sound particularly sad man. Honestly either you've run into some real a-holes, or your doing something to offend these people and it's not your looks. I can understand a girl not wanting to date you but I can't understand her being blatantly disrespectful towards you. I haven't come across a woman being that rude to me for no reason since high school.
In my experience, it really was. (okay, maybe not unlivable, but it was somewhat cruel. Not living in 3rd world cruel, but 1st world problem)
When I changed my appearance (very subtlely with weight loss) the difference in the way people treated me was night and day. When my hair grew out, I became a heart throb (even though I didn't/don't think it looks all that good).
I'm still not done with my "reinvention". I imagine I am going to get mauled.
I'd be careful about trying to tell people like this that it was not their looks, though. In their experience, it probably was. When a person's looks change, their personality may not change that much. I don't remember suddenly being a warm friendly guy when I lost a couple of extra pounds. I just remember going on as I usually do and others suddenly trying to get on "my good side." As a matter of fact, I may have been just a little more closed off. (Like a "Well, you didn't like me then. Guess what, I'm okay with me now, so f--- off!!!)
I admit, I was a bit of an "a-hole" before my "change". However, now in someways, I am MORE of an A-hole. Yet people are so much kinder to me.
Last edited by TJenkins602; 11-20-2013 at 11:47 AM..
Cruel in what way? What has been done to you because of your appearance.
Just speaking for myself, when I was overweight, people always made comments that I could hear (I guess they thought being fat, meant I was deaf too) and they were pretty hurtful. Many people just flat out wouldn't talk to me or even look at me like they were disgusted. Since I have lost around 120 pounds now, all of the sudden many of those same people smile at me, start up conversations with me out of the blue, and for some odd reason, now I am smarter and credible at my job, who knew. This is why I keep working on my weight and my appearance FOR MYSELF, not anyone else. Having said that, I would hope that the confidence and happiness that I have for myself and work ethic, has been the main reason why things in my career have been going so well, but honestly I wouldn't be surprised if many people are just really superficial and how a person looks carries a lot of weight with how they will treat that person.
Cruel in what way? What has been done to you because of your appearance.
Sigh... This could get messy...
Okay, here are the lesser offenses.
(Now, I'm not bitter about this, I am just listing examples)
More Recent examples
In retail, People were generally nasty and spiteful. A lot of people don't even look at me. When it is time for them to pay for their products, they throw the money down. When I give them their change, they snatch it from you. I used to get a lot of customer complaints about me. I even found out that the boss is considering letting me go (reluctantly).
Then one day, I lost a few pounds (my face tightened up a little), some of the people that wouldn't even glance at me were suddenly trying to be close to me. All of a sudden, my coworkers are my best friends. I get away with more. One big mistake I make, I go to one of my supervisors expecting a lecture, but all of a sudden, "its no big deal." More people are more prone to take my side even when I admit wrong. I was even considered for management.
Let me tell you, I have tried changing my attitude without changing my looks. People's reactions were along the lines of "you better." Now when I changed my looks, If I did something nice, it was "groundbreaking".
When I'm having a problem, people are more prone to jump out of their way for me. People are less likely to snatch. People are in general more polite.
Also, I have read and heard from people who used to be treated like precious treasure.
They *actually* thought the world was a kind place.
Then their looks changed probably due to age or other factors. Suddenly, people weren't so kind to them
Then when I grew my hair out... people started trying to get real close. Almost to the point where I kinda had to back off a bit.
Like I said, I'm still not done.
Look up some stories on this issue, you'd be amazed at what you find.
Talk shows and other programs have done some experiments on this.
To tell the truth, I have believed this phenomenon, but I never thought that it went to the extent that it did with me. And this is a lesser example of appearance judging. People who have only been on one side of the fence suspect it (especially those who have been on the less fortunate side). People who have been on both sides of the fence, talk about a mind blow. It's actually kinda cool if you can walk on both sides.
Now, I didn't list everything that happened, mind you. Some of these things are still too painful to talk about.
Now there are some people that will look past your appearance. I will not deny that.
Just speaking for myself, when I was overweight, people always made comments that I could hear (I guess they thought being fat, meant I was deaf too) and they were pretty hurtful. Many people just flat out wouldn't talk to me or even look at me like they were disgusted. Since I have lost around 120 pounds now, all of the sudden many of those same people smile at me, start up conversations with me out of the blue, and for some odd reason, now I am smarter and credible at my job, who knew. This is why I keep working on my weight and my appearance FOR MYSELF, not anyone else. Having said that, I would hope that the confidence and happiness that I have for myself and work ethic, has been the main reason why things in my career have been going so well, but honestly I wouldn't be surprised if many people are just really superficial and how a person looks carries a lot of weight with how they will treat that person.
Are you sure it was because of your weight and not because of your behavior?
You might have been moody, unapproachable, bitter, unhappy looking with more weight. When you lost it, you might have started to send out different signals, happiness, confidence ... and people felt that subconsciously?
Even though you are going to hate me for what I am saying now - but if I would be an employer (and I am not) and I get applicants, I would rather hire a thin person as an obese person. I would think that if a person doesn't have discipline/willpower with him/herself, he/she probably doesn't have discipline at work or any other aspects in his/her life either. Plus he/she is probably moving slower = less work gets done.
I have seen obese people work hard and seen plently of lazy thin people.
Mostly cashiers who sit on facebook on day and talk on their cellphones while overweight cashiers are out being active and interacting with costumers
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. This is why I keep working on my weight and my appearance FOR MYSELF, not anyone else. Having said that, I would hope that the confidence and happiness that I have for myself and work ethic, has been the main reason why things in my career have been going so well, but honestly I wouldn't be surprised if many people are just really superficial and how a person looks carries a lot of weight with how they will treat that person.
