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Old 12-19-2013, 11:56 AM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,672 posts, read 34,588,077 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jeremy1988 View Post
I'm afraid you're very unlikely to ever be happy, then.

Light skin is generally considered to be an attractive trait for a lot of reasons. For one thing, it implied that you were wealthy enough that you didn't have to work outdoors. White is associated with goodness/purity/innocence in many cultures. And of course, the historical dominance of light-skinned European peoples.

Those things are not going to change because you're unhappy. You have a much better chance of making yourself light-skinned through some kind of treatment than you do of changing social ideas of beauty. You can change yourself to fit society's ideals, but you can't change society's ideals to fit yourself.

We can provide equal opportunity for people of color in many ways. Employment, education, and equality under the law. We can stop racism when it comes to those things. But there's really nothing we can do about the fact that white people are considered better looking. Beauty contests are the one place I don't think we're ever going to see racial equality. I'm sorry, but that's the truth. You need to find a way to accept or deal with that. Not everyone can be considered beautiful.
Great. Egg her on and encourage her to wallow even more.

 
Old 12-19-2013, 11:58 AM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,672 posts, read 34,588,077 times
Reputation: 11780
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
You shouldn't accept it. Blow the majority off! Go for the minority of people who don't have a problem with dark skin. They're definitely out there. Where do you live, anyway? Maybe you need to relocate. Try Oakland, CA, or parts of the South.
I suggest South Sudan.
 
Old 12-19-2013, 12:01 PM
 
Location: Upstate NY 🇺🇸
36,769 posts, read 11,277,039 times
Reputation: 35230
Please step away from the mirror!
 
Old 12-19-2013, 12:02 PM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,672 posts, read 34,588,077 times
Reputation: 11780
Quote:
Originally Posted by bluemoonpie View Post
Because I visit blogs geared towards African American women, and sometimes they write articles about those videos i.e. Tommy Sotomayor. Even if I didn't watch them, black men in real life, often make similar self hating and colorist comments. So, there is no way for me to avoid this type of abuse from black men even if I tried. I'd have to move far away from them to avoid not hearing it.Just seeing the type of women that a lot of black men date is abuse, often they are lighter in complexion, which angers or depresses me. It's a constant reminder that I am not light or attractive enough. and let's not forget the magazines I see of lightskinned women featured on major magazines geared towards black and white men.
but dark women (I am also very dark) are not on many covers of magazines, none of the men on CD praise their beauty, etc. just seeing a few dark women in relationships is not enough...our beauty is not worshipped or glorified like white and biracial women
Pants on fire! I love dark sistas.
 
Old 12-19-2013, 12:18 PM
 
895 posts, read 1,204,229 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bluemoonpie View Post
Yes, it is. There are many many disadvantages to being a black woman. It's almost a chore for me to muster up enough energy to go out in public because typically I see BM with BW (who are light) or non black women. Day in and day out, I feel rejected, ugly, and inadequate. Then I have to deal with the negative comments I get from black men in real life, music, movies, youtube, blogs. Then the attacks on my hair. It's a terrible lot to be in. If there is an afterlife, I hope that I'll be reincarnated into a race that is the majority with less stereotypes. I'm miserable in this one
Girl, where do you live. Even I feel this is troll post and I usually never say that but come on. I can understand some of the points but I do not see this everyday.

I am a dark black woman too btw. The only thing she has a point about is that I look a little mixed and have extremely long hair and I get black men like crazy. I am not sure if I would have this type of reaction if I did not have long hair and mixed look.
 
Old 12-19-2013, 12:44 PM
 
Location: I live wherever I am.
1,935 posts, read 3,883,831 times
Reputation: 3261
Quote:
Originally Posted by bluemoonpie View Post
As long as the media pushes images of women who are lightskinned, white or mixed down my throat. I will never ever be happy. I'll always feel unhappy and incomplete. I always dream of a day that I can wake up and see nothing but positive images of women who are darkskinned and fully black like me. Or hear men say they prefer a darkskinned blk woman. I'd be so happy and wouldn't have all this anger inside. But that will never happen
If you allow the media to determine your happiness, you have more issues than your physical appearance. I can talk about this because I'm married to one of that most media-disgraced of female types... a FAT WOMAN. And when I say "fat", I don't mean "she could lose 20 pounds and be at what the doctors would call 'a healthy weight' ". I mean "she'd probably have to lose half of her current body weight to get to that point".

And my wife is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen... and I find it extremely unlikely that I would encounter a woman whose appearance would be more appealing to me even if I were single. I tell her that the only chance of another woman being as beautiful as her is if we have a daughter who looks like her.

Evidently, the media's portrayal of feminine beauty (and feminine ugliness) had very little effect on me in my younger years and has no effect on me right now. I've always preferred fat women.

So you're a dark-skinned black woman. There are men out there who like dark-skinned black women, just as there are guys like me who like really big women. What type of man do you like? (I'm sure that you have your "preferred type" just as we all do. You don't have to answer that question... just think about it.) Does the media have any impact on the type of man you like?

It's easy enough to reason that the media focuses on white women for the standard of beauty in America because America is predominantly white. I'd imagine that, in African countries where the people are predominantly dark-skinned black, the standard of beauty would be based upon dark-skinned black people.

I've noticed that blacks tend to prefer blacks, and whites tend to prefer whites. Therefore, if we use "the majority" for our reasoning, it's logical that white ladies would be more likely to be upheld as the standard of beauty. However, there's one more issue to consider. The fashion industry (the "media" to which you referred) is largely run by homosexual men. As far as I can see, black culture is the one remaining ethnic culture that is largely opposed to homosexuality. (After all, the voters' rejection of gay marriage in CALIFORNIA, of all states, was attributed to a large number of black voters coming out and voting in favor of their dearly-held traditional family values. Sounds reasonable, as most adult blacks I've known have held tightly to traditional family values. More power to them, I say.) Stands to reason, in my mind, that there wouldn't be many homosexual black people working in the fashion industry and its media arms. Given the cultural differences (whites embracing homosexuality more than blacks), I'd assume that if you rounded up all of the self-reported "gay" men in America, the racial breakdown of them would not equal the racial breakdown of the entire population. It'd probably be more white than America on the whole. So... if whites tend to prefer whites... and if there are an unusually high number of whites in the fashion industry because blacks aren't as likely to be homosexual as whites are... now we can see why dark-skinned black women aren't upheld as much in the fashion industry as perhaps you might like to see. (Frankly, I don't know if they are or not. I don't watch cable TV, I don't read magazines that'd have ads like that, I don't look at other women because I'll never find someone as attractive as my wife anyway... I'm essentially clueless. I'm just going on what you said in your original post.)

Plus, I've read that most blacks these days have European heritage of at least 20%, which would explain the varying skin tones. (Look at pictures of people in Africa and they're ALL dark-skinned!) Therefore, the majority of American blacks are either light-skinned or have a medium skin tone. Again, stands to reason that if like attracts like, even blacks are likely to lean toward other blacks of fairer skin tone because that's what they themselves are.

I'm just shooting spitballs here but it all makes sense to me. Even if you want to ignore all of that logic I just stated, the fact remains that there needs to be only ONE man who finds you to be truly beautiful... if you marry him, what does it matter if nobody else finds you to be beautiful? My wife is 6'3" and just under 400 pounds. She's almost a foot taller than the average woman, and it'd take at least three "average women" to see-saw with her. How many dudes find a woman of those dimensions to be attractive? According to my wife, VERY few. If anyone would know, she would. She's related stories about being rejected for her appearance. I, personally, can't fathom how anyone would reject someone THAT beautiful because of her appearance... but not everyone shares my tastes. I find that to be a good thing. I like being married to someone whom most men find unattractive because...

1) She'd be a far less desirable target for a sex crime such as rape.
2) It's extremely unlikely that some other dude will hit on my wife and cause me / us irritation in the process.
3) Such a woman is far less likely to be mentally poisoned by society. (A woman whose appearance society glorifies is inherently pressured to do what it takes to remain glorified... her mind buys into the groupthink even if she doesn't recognize it. A woman whose appearance society has always rejected to some extent, who essentially stands next to no chance of ever being glorified by society, will be far more independent in her thought processes.)
4) Because of #3 above, she doesn't feel the need to spend huge sums of money and time on her appearance. She's like "I'm going out like this, and that's all there is to it"... ahhh, music to my ears.

So consider this. Maybe you feel like lots of people find you unattractive for your skin color. Think about how much of a POSITIVE that will be for you, and your eventual husband, later on down the line. Now get working on finding a guy who is "your type", who finds you to be "his type". I'm not trying to brag, but I think most guys would rather date a dark-skinned black lady if she were of "average size", compared to a white lady of my wife's dimensions. Yet, my wife found "the guy". I'd say your odds are better... so you have nothing to worry about. If society is "them", ignore them because they're not you.
 
Old 12-19-2013, 12:54 PM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,672 posts, read 34,588,077 times
Reputation: 11780
Quote:
Originally Posted by bluemoonpie View Post
No, I'm not interested in moving outside the country where my skin color is the norm. I am not interested in dating, marrying, or procreating with black men.
Why? Are they too dark for you?
 
Old 12-19-2013, 01:17 PM
 
520 posts, read 892,945 times
Reputation: 927
My sense of self-worth is also determined by what I see on the front page of Yahoo.com. Currently its Ben Bernanke. Until I'm Chairman of the Federal Reserve, I'll never be happy.
 
Old 12-19-2013, 01:21 PM
 
Location: La lune et les étoiles
18,041 posts, read 19,593,342 times
Reputation: 19460
I am tired of the multiple reincarnations of this poster. This same thread topic or variations of it have been created by this same individual over and over and over....



As nyanna:
//www.city-data.com/forum/fashi...beautiful.html
//www.city-data.com/forum/relat...te-latina.html
//www.city-data.com/forum/fashi...ack-women.html

As redberry rose:
//www.city-data.com/forum/relat...e-partner.html

As julie1234:
//www.city-data.com/forum/polit...-american.html

As purple rage:
//www.city-data.com/forum/relat...g-options.html
//www.city-data.com/forum/non-r...t-me-like.html

As bambi234:
//www.city-data.com/forum/psych...lor-there.html
//www.city-data.com/forum/relat...-guy-just.html

As bakedkookies"
//www.city-data.com/forum/relat...an-looked.html

and on and on and on....
 
Old 12-19-2013, 01:56 PM
 
Location: Northville, MI
11,882 posts, read 11,561,253 times
Reputation: 6331
Quote:
Originally Posted by calipoppy View Post
THAT'S IT . This woman has moaned enough. Time to report her to the Senior Mods and end this once and for all. I believe she is doing this with an inner intention of getting more views and higher reputation points. If she is miserable and purposefully putting herself down, there is not a FKing thing anyone can do to help her.
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