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Do you have nice features? I cant imagine men turning down a woman who looks like Naomi Campbell or Kenya Moore or a young Whitney in her prime because they are ""dark"".
I can't imagine most men graviating to rapper TI's wife Tiny because she is ""light"". She is ugly. I wish I knew how to post pics. Just google these people. And thank me later!
I think you are doomed to a life of wallowing in self pity over circumstances of life totally beyond your control or anyone elses. I'm sure if you say your skin tone is unattractive, it is and if you say your features are equally unattractive they are as you say. You are ugly. You are not alone. Maybe there is a club to join where ugly people can commiserate with one another. Please don't have children who would grow up being taught they are ugly.
what I do about the black men in real life who are out with their lightskinned S/Os? it triggers sadness, anger and depression. I feel rejected
That's where that therapy would help you.
Why are you focusing on other couples so much? I mean, you have no idea why they are with who they are with. You assume it's because of some standard, but people tend to follow those only up to a point... ultimately, folks will like what they like. And this often starts when they are VERY young. Some of it is triggered by their own mothers and fathers.
Soo... You could argue that you see black men with lightskinned and latina girls because that's what they saw the most of when they were kids... women with lighter skin, I mean.
I know there's that old thing about men becoming wealthy and successful and going for white girls because they can, but really? I mean, maybe once upon a time, but I'm in my 40s and I was in junior high and high school with guys and girls who dated interracially and none of us had money back then... I think some kids are cool with dating outside their races and some are not.
Thing is, you are really down on lightskinned black women. You should not be so down on them. Is it their fault that their skin is lighter than yours? Not unless they bleached it.
I told you before that you see more women with skin lighter than yours because there ARE more women with skin lighter than yours... where you live, anyway.
If you moved to a country with mostly dark people, you'd see people that look like you all the time. And if you still could not find a date, what would you blame then?
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Did your parents ever tell you you were beautiful as a child? Have you always felt like this or just when you started dating/reached adulthood. I have to say I don't feel the same way you do about being a darker skinned black woman. I honestly wouldn't want to be anything BUT black. Obviously you and I as well as several other black women have had very different life experiences. I'd seriously consider moving if I were you.
It is sad that she feels that way. It alarms me that anyone could have that much self hatred.
Thing is, people accusing the OP of trolling aren't really helping, either (and yes, I have wondered about it myself).
I say this because, on the internet, all we can do is take others at face value. If this woman is really as down on herself as she says? It is alarming.
So, I try to respond to this. Giving examples never seems to work, because the OP is in denial that there are any happy women who have darker complexions. I guess all my dark skinned black women friends are the most wonderful actresses in the world, because I'm good at reading people.
They seem pretty much as happy as any other women I know.
And it's not like women with dark complexions corner the market on unhappy marriages, so I don't know what else to say.
I have also suggested that the OP move to another place. Preferably not a major city. Maybe a small city or a large town. One with a reasonably large black population (the South is good in that regard, if you also want to find a larger majority of black people vs white people, and find them living in nicer neighborhoods.)
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I've felt like this since I started noticing in middle school that most boys preferred lighter complected girls. I've also been ridiculed for my complexion by black men in my adulthood, some black man in a convenience store told me that I was dark and not as beautiful as his lightskinned girlfriend. Of course when I told people what happened, I was told I had 'victim energy' and that is why he insulted me. No matter what, black men are always protected.
No. The man who said that to you was an *******.
Had nothing to do with either of you being black. Some people are jerks. That's not race-specific stuff. It's a fact.
We all have had someone say something awful to us at some point. What you cannot do, when someone makes superficial comments to you that are rude, is actually BELIEVE them.
It's odd, though... why would someone just randomly tell a stranger that she wasn't as pretty as his girlfriend? Sounds like he was a weirdo if you two had no other words but those.
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I didn't read this whole thread. Not sure what to think. Colorism exists a lot on CD. I cant tell you the number of threads I have read here about male posters asking where to find the blondest blue eyed girl.
OP if this makes you feel any better. Its normal to wish you had what you don't have. I for one wish I was darker. I just wear foundation a couple shades darker & call it a day.Even on days I dont have a tan I dont feel any less of a human being. That would be unhealthy. I however do NOT obsess over it & I do not feel my life is ruined because I'm not as exxotical looking as Angelina Jolie.
Are
I find that more often that not, it's Indian men who are looking for a white girl. I sort of feel like some of the Indian men in America now (not all of them, so I'm not stereotyping) feel that the ultimate acceptance in the dating pool comes from having a white girl on your arm. I suspect that this is because Indian women have had a far easier time dating non-Indian men than Indian men have had dating non-Indian women.
I do not, however, think that this difficulty has anything to do with skin color, but with body/build issues.
I bet those Indian men who are looking for white women think that the problem IS their skin color, though.
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Nor I. I guess it just depends on what you choose to click on, but I don't really waste my time with "Where all the blonde, blue-eyed hotties be?"
And if I did, I would probably chalk the posters up to being weirdos, not experience a profound sensation of personal dissatisfaction and self-doubt over it.
Wow. I can't believe you are still on this. Why do you want ALL men to find you attractive? What will it change for you? What will this do for your life? First of all, ALL men don't even find chicks like Beyonce and Adriana Lima attractive. They are too much of something or not enough of the other to SOME men. Nothing anyone says is going to make you feel any better, that's evident...but how about this. Think about what your life would be like if you were physically attractive to every man on planet Earth. That's only physically, what about inside? You still have to live with yourself, Blue. I feel your struggle, but what you are tripping on is not even based in any kind of fact. Different men are into different looks. My husband is a cornfed white boy from a state with maybe 100 black people in the whole perimeter, and he still acts like he came up on some beauty queen when he found me and I don't see that, but it feels good to be doted on. See? I'm black and he's white. I'm not lying to you to make you feel better. I don't really have much advice for you because I know an epic pity party when I see one (they have to run their course and sometimes, they can be therapeutic, imho) but seriously, you are spinning your mental wheels and getting no where because it's YOU, not the world! Not even men, because there are certainly men out there of ALL colors and cultural groups that love women of color...hell, women PERIOD. You are probably exotic as hell to Asian, European, etc. men. I've had boyfriends and fiances that were from different backgrounds and I'm black. You need to stop tripping, Blue. It's not this serious. Laugh and smile when you go out. Wear a pretty outfit and a few drops of light perfume. Don't be scared to say 'Hi' to folk. I bet a man will approach you eventually. BE APPROACHABLE.
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