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Old 01-15-2014, 11:44 AM
 
Location: NJ
25,091 posts, read 31,282,659 times
Reputation: 17094

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Halo_in_reverse View Post
It could be viewed by some that the information requested is disproportionate to the context in which the question is asked. Example you wouldn't walk up to a complete stranger on the street to ask them how you look so why would you do that on an internet full of strangers?

As for feedback, I think most people don't really want honest feedback. Really, think about it, if you've had some sort of face disfiguring accident or by sheer unluckiness of the draw in the genetics game you're not considered by societal norms to be "attractive" would you really want strangers on the internet telling you how ugly you were? That's just some serious masochistic behavior there and that circles me back around to the "herd mentality" and weeding out the weakest members. Most people know what they are.

Whew, this topic has had my mind expanding today I haven't given something this much thought on a forum topic in forever. Thanks for following me down this rabbit hole
haha, I agree most people don't want the honest feedback. but for some that might, posting a picture on a forum is probably a lot easier than having someone tell you that you are ugly face to face.
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Old 01-15-2014, 12:41 PM
 
Location: SLC, UT
1,571 posts, read 2,358,163 times
Reputation: 3873
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adi from the Brunswicks View Post
I would like to honestly know why all the "Rate my looks" threads are hated on this forum. What infuriates you about these threads. I apologize for being stupid and posting a couple of these threads myself.

But why is there extreme anger towards people asking on the internet how they look. Why is Reassurance regarded as a crime which deserves the electric chair on this forum. How, in any way, does it claim that one has low confidence and is insecure. Finally, Why do people assume the most ridiculous things about a persons personality when they post a "rate my looks" thread.

Be honest with all of your responses. I want to know.
IMO, someone who truly thought they looked bad wouldn't post a "Rate my looks" thread. Someone who really thinks they'll be rated a 1, wouldn't want the humiliation. So you end up with a lot of people who think they look good and think they will ultimately rate on the higher end of the spectrum, and just want everyone to affirm what they already think. That's begging for compliments, which is ALWAYS obnoxious. Combine that with simpering posts on the thread like, "But what about thisfeatureofmyface?" or questions like, "Do you really think I rate that high?" and it becomes even more obnoxious because now the poster is begging many times over for compliments.

As for why it's insecure - people who are confident in themselves don't feel the need to have complete strangers pay attention to them, especially when it comes to rating them. It's possible for a person to think they look good and still be insecure. The insecurity doesn't lie in how they look, rather, the insecurity lies in feeling a desire to be complimented and have people pay attention to them, even if it's by hundreds of complete strangers. Again, people who are confident with themselves do NOT feel the need to ask strangers to compliment them.

IMO, people who beg others to compliment them, end up sounding pathetic and insipid.
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Old 01-15-2014, 12:43 PM
 
2,540 posts, read 3,577,421 times
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I have had body image issues all my life. I grew up always thinking of myself as the ugly duckling, ostracized, laughed at, not getting attention from boys, etc. I have done a LOT of work on myself since and I am infinitely more confident about my appearance now at 30, mainly due to actually looking better. But I still have insecurities, and I have never really been able to objectively assess what I look like, how other people perceive me. I know people say it 'shouldn't' matter, but let's be honest, it matters to a lot of people how others see us, otherwise we wouldn't put that much effort into appearance. It's easy for truly attractive people to know that they're attractive; however, for someone like me, who is not conventionally 'pretty', it's harder, people tend to think I'm either very attractive or very ugly. Basically, at 30, I still have no true idea of whether I'm pretty, ugly, or something in between. Friends and family are not going to evaluate your looks objectively. So personally, I would really benefit from an anonymous opinion like that, of a bunch of strangers who can be brutally honest. I would LOVE to know the average public opinion on my looks. However I'm afraid to actually go ahead and post a photo precisely because of the judgement like in this thread, I feel like people are only going to post stupid comments or make fun rather than provide an objective opinion. And that's a bit disappointing.
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Old 01-15-2014, 01:23 PM
 
Location: PA
2,111 posts, read 1,920,145 times
Reputation: 5422
Quote:
Originally Posted by MisfitBanana View Post
IMO, someone who truly thought they looked bad wouldn't post a "Rate my looks" thread. Someone who really thinks they'll be rated a 1, wouldn't want the humiliation. So you end up with a lot of people who think they look good and think they will ultimately rate on the higher end of the spectrum, and just want everyone to affirm what they already think. That's begging for compliments, which is ALWAYS obnoxious. Combine that with simpering posts on the thread like, "But what about thisfeatureofmyface?" or questions like, "Do you really think I rate that high?" and it becomes even more obnoxious because now the poster is begging many times over for compliments.

As for why it's insecure - people who are confident in themselves don't feel the need to have complete strangers pay attention to them, especially when it comes to rating them. It's possible for a person to think they look good and still be insecure. The insecurity doesn't lie in how they look, rather, the insecurity lies in feeling a desire to be complimented and have people pay attention to them, even if it's by hundreds of complete strangers. Again, people who are confident with themselves do NOT feel the need to ask strangers to compliment them.

IMO, people who beg others to compliment them, end up sounding pathetic and insipid.
Completely agree with your post!

"Hate" is a pretty strong word, but at best, the fishing for compliments is annoying. I think that when someone asks questions like "Do these pants make my *ss look fat?" or "Does my hair look OK?", they already know the answer, so what's the point of the question, if not a request for reassurance? And the more reassurance needed, the more annoying it is. Put on a different pair of pants and do something different with your hair. I know that if I look good and I feel good, I'm not going to need someone else's opinion. There's always going to be some jerk out there who offers their unsolicited opinion, but that's on them.
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Old 01-15-2014, 01:26 PM
 
Location: SLC, UT
1,571 posts, read 2,358,163 times
Reputation: 3873
Quote:
Originally Posted by EvilCookie View Post
I have had body image issues all my life. I grew up always thinking of myself as the ugly duckling, ostracized, laughed at, not getting attention from boys, etc. I have done a LOT of work on myself since and I am infinitely more confident about my appearance now at 30, mainly due to actually looking better. But I still have insecurities, and I have never really been able to objectively assess what I look like, how other people perceive me. I know people say it 'shouldn't' matter, but let's be honest, it matters to a lot of people how others see us, otherwise we wouldn't put that much effort into appearance. It's easy for truly attractive people to know that they're attractive; however, for someone like me, who is not conventionally 'pretty', it's harder, people tend to think I'm either very attractive or very ugly. Basically, at 30, I still have no true idea of whether I'm pretty, ugly, or something in between. Friends and family are not going to evaluate your looks objectively. So personally, I would really benefit from an anonymous opinion like that, of a bunch of strangers who can be brutally honest. I would LOVE to know the average public opinion on my looks. However I'm afraid to actually go ahead and post a photo precisely because of the judgement like in this thread, I feel like people are only going to post stupid comments or make fun rather than provide an objective opinion. And that's a bit disappointing.
Your entire post here was annoying. "I have had... I grew up... I have done... I am infinitely... my appearance... I still have... I have never... I look like... perceive me... I know... someone like me... I'm either very... I still have... I'm pretty... I would really... I would love... my looks... I'm afraid... I feel..." In one paragraph and 11 sentences, you managed to use "I" 15 times and "me" or "my" 4 times. Most people aren't that self absorbed. Even when most people describe a situation they're in, they won't use so many I's, me's or my's.

1) The truth is, if you REALLY TRULY thought that you were a 1 (which you obviously don't, since you said you've done a lot of work on yourself and look better), then you would NEVER want people's "brutally honest" opinions. Not unless you wanted to commit suicide right afterwards, that is. So what you really want is for people to compliment you. You may not be expecting to be told that you're gorgeous or a ten, but you obviously aren't expecting people to give you a one and say you're the ugliest person they've ever seen. And I doubt that you would "LOVE" to hear all the anonymous opinions if that was the case.

2) Dismissing the opinions of your family and friends because they won't be honest just makes you sound vapid. Basically, it's suggesting that you care more about a stranger's opinion than the opinion of someone who knows you and loves you.

3) How someone looks is incredibly subjective. For instance, Tom Hiddleston right now is all over websites with girls/women posting how super hot he is. I think he looks rat-faced and small and a little smarmy, and I don't find him even remotely attractive. That looks ARE subjective (there are people who think Angelina Jolie is ugly), then a stranger's opinions of your looks should mean absolutely NOTHING to you, and your family and friends opinions (who actually know you), should mean far more (refer to number 2).

Quote:
Originally Posted by swgirl926 View Post
"Hate" is a pretty strong word, but at best, the fishing for compliments is annoying. I think that when someone asks questions like "Do these pants make my *ss look fat?" or "Does my hair look OK?", they already know the answer, so what's the point of the question, if not a request for reassurance? And the more reassurance needed, the more annoying it is. Put on a different pair of pants and do something different with your hair. I know that if I look good and I feel good, I'm not going to need someone else's opinion. There's always going to be some jerk out there who offers their unsolicited opinion, but that's on them.
Exactly!

Besides, it's been my experience that when someone who thinks they already look good and begs for compliments gets an answer they don't like, all they do is go to someone else for the compliment, which sort of proves that they weren't truly looking for unbiased or honest opinions.
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Old 01-15-2014, 01:33 PM
 
Location: NJ
25,091 posts, read 31,282,659 times
Reputation: 17094
Quote:
Originally Posted by MisfitBanana View Post

Exactly!

Besides, it's been my experience that when someone who thinks they already look good and begs for compliments gets an answer they don't like, all they do is go to someone else for the compliment, which sort of proves that they weren't truly looking for unbiased or honest opinions.
that's part of what makes those threads so much fun!
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Old 01-15-2014, 01:34 PM
 
13,223 posts, read 8,101,054 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JetJockey View Post
You can assume, yes...but your assumptions may not always be correct.

I had a bright pink and black mohawk while in college for Aerospace engineering Some of us just like to experiment with things that can easily be changed, it doesn't mean you're wild at all. Engineering was tough and that was a way for me to cheer myself up.
Makes me think of the NASA mohawk guy. Even with his crazy hair, I hardly doubt he has the maturity of a teenager.

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Old 01-15-2014, 02:07 PM
 
2,540 posts, read 3,577,421 times
Reputation: 5573
Quote:
Originally Posted by MisfitBanana View Post
1) The truth is, if you REALLY TRULY thought that you were a 1 (which you obviously don't, since you said you've done a lot of work on yourself and look better), then you would NEVER want people's "brutally honest" opinions. Not unless you wanted to commit suicide right afterwards, that is. So what you really want is for people to compliment you. You may not be expecting to be told that you're gorgeous or a ten, but you obviously aren't expecting people to give you a one and say you're the ugliest person they've ever seen. And I doubt that you would "LOVE" to hear all the anonymous opinions if that was the case.
I never said I considered myself a "1" - if that was the case I'd know it and no, I wouldn't need it re-stated. It's precisely because my looks fall somewhere in the middle, that I'd be curious how the general, non-biased public would rate my appearance. It's pure curiousity, plain and simple. Like I said, I've been called both beautiful and ugly, and even when I look in the mirror or at photos, I can never form an objective opinion - sometimes I think I look good, and other times I feel so unattractive that I wonder how my husband ever married me. This is not a vapid fishing-for-compliments line - it's how I truly feel, and if you've never struggled with self-esteem issues, consider yourself lucky that you don't know what it feels like.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MisfitBanana View Post
2) Dismissing the opinions of your family and friends because they won't be honest just makes you sound vapid. Basically, it's suggesting that you care more about a stranger's opinion than the opinion of someone who knows you and loves you.

3) How someone looks is incredibly subjective. For instance, Tom Hiddleston right now is all over websites with girls/women posting how super hot he is. I think he looks rat-faced and small and a little smarmy, and I don't find him even remotely attractive. That looks ARE subjective (there are people who think Angelina Jolie is ugly), then a stranger's opinions of your looks should mean absolutely NOTHING to you, and your family and friends opinions (who actually know you), should mean far more (refer to number 2).
Family and friends' opinions matter a lot to me when it comes to many things, however my appearance is one area where I simply can't trust them to be objective, because a) their view of me, especially my parents and DH, will always be colored by the fact that they love me - I mean what parents don't think their own child is beautiful? Doesn't mean it's objective. Also loved ones don't want to hurt your feelings so they'll never say anything negative about your looks. A friend may tell you this shirt is not the best color for you, but they're not going to tell you you need a nose job or that your eyes are too small.
Also, for instance, my parents keep telling me I'm too thin and are convinced that I look a lot better when I put on a bit of weight. I completely disagree and I think a look a lot better now than I did when I was a bit plumper, and that seems to be the opinion of other people my age as well. So I'm not sure if that's just a generational thing. But again, I'd be curious about the collective opinion of a bunch of people, to see what the majority thinks.
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Old 01-15-2014, 02:14 PM
 
Location: SLC, UT
1,571 posts, read 2,358,163 times
Reputation: 3873
Quote:
Originally Posted by EvilCookie View Post
I never said I considered myself a "1" - if that was the case I'd know it and no, I wouldn't need it re-stated. It's precisely because my looks fall somewhere in the middle, that I'd be curious how the general, non-biased public would rate my appearance. It's pure curiousity, plain and simple. Like I said, I've been called both beautiful and ugly, and even when I look in the mirror or at photos, I can never form an objective opinion - sometimes I think I look good, and other times I feel so unattractive that I wonder how my husband ever married me. This is not a vapid fishing-for-compliments line - it's how I truly feel, and if you've never struggled with self-esteem issues, consider yourself lucky that you don't know what it feels like.



Family and friends' opinions matter a lot to me when it comes to many things, however my appearance is one area where I simply can't trust them to be objective, because a) their view of me, especially my parents and DH, will always be colored by the fact that they love me - I mean what parents don't think their own child is beautiful? Doesn't mean it's objective. Also loved ones don't want to hurt your feelings so they'll never say anything negative about your looks. A friend may tell you this shirt is not the best color for you, but they're not going to tell you you need a nose job or that your eyes are too small.
You won't ever get a truly objective opinion, though, because looks are subjective. And one person's 5 could be another person's 10 or another person's 1.

I'm assuming you want people who at least like you, if not love you, in your life? So if everyone who loves you thinks that you're beautiful, then it stands to reason that as other people fall in love with you, they too, will feel the same. So why would you even care what someone who doesn't even know you, let alone like you, thinks? You should be thinking about how to build higher confidence than wondering what strangers think of you. It's not a simple curiosity - people who are confident, really don't care what other people who don't even know them think.

Again, looks are subjective. You're basically wanting to see how many compliments you get, because there is no absolute answer on a person's appearance. Especially as fairly shallow things (haircut, clothes, etc.) can drastically change how a person views you. Dress like you're homeless and don't shower for a month, and people may rate you a one. Dress in flattering, tailored, expensive clothing, have your hair and makeup professionally done, and suddenly you could be an eight. It means nothing.
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Old 01-15-2014, 02:26 PM
 
Location: Up in the air
19,116 posts, read 27,203,778 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sundaydrive00 View Post
Makes me think of the NASA mohawk guy. Even with his crazy hair, I hardly doubt he has the maturity of a teenager.
Dear goodness yes....he is one of my 'celebrity crushes'
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