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Old 01-14-2014, 02:34 PM
 
Location: Northville, MI
11,882 posts, read 11,543,759 times
Reputation: 6331

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Halo_in_reverse View Post
Why am I in need of creating "Rate My Looks" threads? What need am I fufilling in myself that I feel compelled to ask complete strangers what they think of the way I look?
I was born and brought up in homogenous India. Obviously, what I wear and how I look will be very different from Americans. I want to assimilate myself with the American system of fashion such that I am not singled out like an Idiot for what I wear or my odd body shape. I don't want to be singled out by police and interrogated for looking out of place or different. It has happened before when I just arrived from India and wore a hoodie in sunny 60 F weather while everyone else was in summer clothes. I was patted down for possession of an unlawful substance (which I did not have). It was humiliating and scary to say the least. I never want to go through that process again. So, I want to make sure I do not end up being singled out that way because of my looks. My main aim is to know if I am dressing up in the right manner such that I do not attract attention for undesirable reasons. I am not asking for attention, as many assume here.
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Old 01-15-2014, 07:58 AM
 
Location: In the Zombie Room
1,603 posts, read 2,844,432 times
Reputation: 2467
Quote:
Originally Posted by CaptainNJ View Post
why would assessing those questions give him the answer to his original question? this is some weird attempt at wisdom that misses the mark.
Actually no it's not a "weird attempt" at anything. If he honestly addresses those questions then he'll have the answer. If his honest assessment is because he's seeking attention then he'll know why people dislike those types of threads. To put it a little more bluntly, most people don't like reading histrionic, self-hating, self-aggrandizing, or attention seeking posts.

Which based upon what I see in these threads is typically how 99% of "rate my looks" posters are presenting themselves. If he's truly looking to know (as he claims) how to dress appropriately then "rate my looks" is not an appropriate question. Maybe this is a language or cultural barrier - I don't know.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Adi from the Brunswicks View Post
I was born and brought up in homogenous India. Obviously, what I wear and how I look will be very different from Americans. I want to assimilate myself with the American system of fashion such that I am not singled out like an Idiot for what I wear or my odd body shape. I don't want to be singled out by police and interrogated for looking out of place or different. It has happened before when I just arrived from India and wore a hoodie in sunny 60 F weather while everyone else was in summer clothes. I was patted down for possession of an unlawful substance (which I did not have). It was humiliating and scary to say the least. I never want to go through that process again. So, I want to make sure I do not end up being singled out that way because of my looks. My main aim is to know if I am dressing up in the right manner such that I do not attract attention for undesirable reasons. I am not asking for attention, as many assume here.
An appropriate way of asking a question about being dressed correctly for a situation would be something to the effect, "I am attending a job interview and I have a choice of two outfits which one should I wear?" or "I have a date and we're going to xyz place what should I wear?" Then maybe take a picture of the outfits and post them or provide a link and ask for feedback.

And please realize that there is a difference in "looks" and "appearance". I highly doubt you were singled out for your "looks" but your "appearance" may have made you out of place given the surroundings.
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Old 01-15-2014, 09:45 AM
 
Location: NJ
25,074 posts, read 31,244,182 times
Reputation: 17082
Quote:
Originally Posted by Halo_in_reverse View Post
Actually no it's not a "weird attempt" at anything. If he honestly addresses those questions then he'll have the answer. If his honest assessment is because he's seeking attention then he'll know why people dislike those types of threads. To put it a little more bluntly, most people don't like reading histrionic, self-hating, self-aggrandizing, or attention seeking posts.
maybe his honest assessment is to satisfy his curiosity. so, if that's the case, you are saying people hate satisfying people's curiosity?

maybe what you meant was, answer what assumptions people make when they see a "rate my looks" thread, figure out why those assumptions would bother some people to the point of hating something and you will have your answer. the problem is with the people who hate the threads, not the person making the thread. if I see a thread title that im not interested, I don't click on it. people that "hate" those threads are the ones with the problem.
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Old 01-15-2014, 10:31 AM
 
Location: Chicagoland
5,689 posts, read 8,859,185 times
Reputation: 6836
Because if reeks of superficiality, insecurity, attention-seeking, validation-seeking, focus on the wrong thing, etc... I don't really "hate" those posters/threads, but I do think they are setting themselves up for belittlement.
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Old 01-15-2014, 10:42 AM
 
Location: In the Zombie Room
1,603 posts, read 2,844,432 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CaptainNJ View Post
maybe his honest assessment is to satisfy his curiosity. so, if that's the case, you are saying people hate satisfying people's curiosity?

maybe what you meant was, answer what assumptions people make when they see a "rate my looks" thread, figure out why those assumptions would bother some people to the point of hating something and you will have your answer. the problem is with the people who hate the threads, not the person making the thread. if I see a thread title that im not interested, I don't click on it. people that "hate" those threads are the ones with the problem.

I think also the use of the word "hate" is too strong from the OP - "dislike" may be a better, hate implies a powerful emotional response to a given stimulus. I think it's not an issue so much of not wanting to satisfy a curiosity but not wanting to lend credence to self-seeking behavior.

Maybe you're partially right, about the problem being with the responders. If you look at it through a sociological lens then there are conclusions that are drawn about the poster. In that we're all animals and maybe we see "weakness" in a herd member from this type of behavior and in that our DNA it's part of human nature to ostracize and shun the weakest member of the herd. Should we be evolved further than this? Who knows, but I know that a herd mentality still exists with humans and I see this type of behavior all the time.
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Old 01-15-2014, 11:18 AM
 
Location: NJ
25,074 posts, read 31,244,182 times
Reputation: 17082
Quote:
Originally Posted by Halo_in_reverse View Post
I think also the use of the word "hate" is too strong from the OP - "dislike" may be a better, hate implies a powerful emotional response to a given stimulus. I think it's not an issue so much of not wanting to satisfy a curiosity but not wanting to lend credence to self-seeking behavior.

Maybe you're partially right, about the problem being with the responders. If you look at it through a sociological lens then there are conclusions that are drawn about the poster. In that we're all animals and maybe we see "weakness" in a herd member from this type of behavior and in that our DNA it's part of human nature to ostracize and shun the weakest member of the herd. Should we be evolved further than this? Who knows, but I know that a herd mentality still exists with humans and I see this type of behavior all the time.
maybe I think its perfectly normal to be curious about where you stand looks wise while others automatically call the person "superficial" "attention seeking" "insecure" etc. most people don't get honest feedback in real life regarding their appearance and so I don't see an issue with people trying to satisfy their curiosity. we measure ourselves in so many ways and do so much to improve ourselves physically, mentally, etc. that i don't see why people take such issue with someone trying to measure their looks. i don't automatically assume it means they have some kind of problem just because they want to know how they look.
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Old 01-15-2014, 11:31 AM
 
Location: I live wherever I am.
1,935 posts, read 3,877,212 times
Reputation: 3261
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adi from the Brunswicks View Post
I would like to honestly know why all the "Rate my looks" threads are hated on this forum. What infuriates you about these threads. I apologize for being stupid and posting a couple of these threads myself.

But why is there extreme anger towards people asking on the internet how they look. Why is Reassurance regarded as a crime which deserves the electric chair on this forum. How, in any way, does it claim that one has low confidence and is insecure. Finally, Why do people assume the most ridiculous things about a persons personality when they post a "rate my looks" thread.

Be honest with all of your responses. I want to know.
What infuriates me about such threads is that they inherently operate on false pretenses. Nobody is truly ugly. Every one of us has individual ideas about what is, and is not, attractive in the opposite gender. When we look at ourselves in the mirror and declare ourselves ugly, what we really mean is "I think that other people do, or will, look at my appearance with disfavor, even if they don't make that evident in any way".

So whenever anyone puts up a "rate my looks" thread, or posts his/her picture on one of those stupid rate-my-looks websites, the person will invariably get a response that is indicative of how the average of Americans view him/her. Some will say "hot", some will say "not", and there will be responses from everywhere in between.

As a man who has always had highly unusual tastes in women, I can say for certain that this stuff is a crock. When people have to ask the world how attractive they are, what they're really saying is that they're terribly insecure.

As for assuming things about a person's personality from a picture, it can be done very easily. Certain appearance cues, or unnatural facial expressions, make certain personality traits obvious. (For example, if your hair is dyed pink, you are wild and you have the maturity level of an average mid-teenager... which is okay if you are a mid-teenager but rather unbecoming if you're 37.) It's not so ludicrous to state for the record that a person's appearance can give clues about what the person is like.
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Old 01-15-2014, 11:32 AM
 
Location: NJ
25,074 posts, read 31,244,182 times
Reputation: 17082
Quote:
Originally Posted by RomaniGypsy View Post
What infuriates me about such threads is that they inherently operate on false pretenses. Nobody is truly ugly.
that's just what ugly people say. there definitely are ugly people out there, lots of them.
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Old 01-15-2014, 11:41 AM
 
Location: In the Zombie Room
1,603 posts, read 2,844,432 times
Reputation: 2467
Quote:
Originally Posted by CaptainNJ View Post
maybe I think its perfectly normal to be curious about where you stand looks wise while others automatically call the person "superficial" "attention seeking" "insecure" etc. most people don't get honest feedback in real life regarding their appearance and so I don't see an issue with people trying to satisfy their curiosity. we measure ourselves in so many ways and do so much to improve ourselves physically, mentally, etc. that i don't see why people take such issue with someone trying to measure their looks. i don't automatically assume it means they have some kind of problem just because they want to know how they look.
It could be viewed by some that the information requested is disproportionate to the context in which the question is asked. Example you wouldn't walk up to a complete stranger on the street to ask them how you look so why would you do that on an internet full of strangers?

As for feedback, I think most people don't really want honest feedback. Really, think about it, if you've had some sort of face disfiguring accident or by sheer unluckiness of the draw in the genetics game you're not considered by societal norms to be "attractive" would you really want strangers on the internet telling you how ugly you were? That's just some serious masochistic behavior there and that circles me back around to the "herd mentality" and weeding out the weakest members. Most people know what they are.

Whew, this topic has had my mind expanding today I haven't given something this much thought on a forum topic in forever. Thanks for following me down this rabbit hole
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Old 01-15-2014, 11:41 AM
 
Location: Up in the air
19,116 posts, read 27,184,177 times
Reputation: 16267
Quote:
Originally Posted by CaptainNJ View Post
maybe I think its perfectly normal to be curious about where you stand looks wise while others automatically call the person "superficial" "attention seeking" "insecure" etc. most people don't get honest feedback in real life regarding their appearance and so I don't see an issue with people trying to satisfy their curiosity. we measure ourselves in so many ways and do so much to improve ourselves physically, mentally, etc. that i don't see why people take such issue with someone trying to measure their looks. i don't automatically assume it means they have some kind of problem just because they want to know how they look.
Most people know where they stand looks-wise...I just think it's difficult to accept.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RomaniGypsy View Post

As for assuming things about a person's personality from a picture, it can be done very easily. Certain appearance cues, or unnatural facial expressions, make certain personality traits obvious. (For example, if your hair is dyed pink, you are wild and you have the maturity level of an average mid-teenager... which is okay if you are a mid-teenager but rather unbecoming if you're 37.) It's not so ludicrous to state for the record that a person's appearance can give clues about what the person is like.
You can assume, yes...but your assumptions may not always be correct.

I had a bright pink and black mohawk while in college for Aerospace engineering Some of us just like to experiment with things that can easily be changed, it doesn't mean you're wild at all. Engineering was tough and that was a way for me to cheer myself up.
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