At what age is it appropriate to let girls start wearing "sexy" things? (women, cut)
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What 14 and 15-year-olds even want sexy underwear and clothing? Most girls at that age are perfectly happy enjoying being kids, not aspiring to become the next Kardashian or a stripper.
I dunno. I wanted things that made me feel pretty at 14 and 15. I didn't want things that made me feel like a Playboy Bunny. Sheesh.
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I think you guys are in the dark about what stage kids are at once they hit high school. Seriously, no "sexy" undergarments until at least 18? This isn't the 1800's. I'm a guy, but at 12-13 (even younger actually but 12-13 for sure) we were all hooking up or at least wanted to, wanted to impress/attract members of the opposite sex, etc. It was on by that point.
You being oppressive parents isn't going to change that, it's just going to make your kid resent you. And they will get the sexy stuff anyway, so your not even preventing anything. Plus, they are more likely to respond by going to those extreme's as soon as they can, just because you made a big deal about the smallest stuff and so severely limited them. Classic example is the kid whose parents were severely anti-gun, oppressively so, and surprise surprise, the kid joins the army and is super into guns.
Nope. People are saying that THEY are not going to buy their kids any sexy underclothes. Nobody said a teenager with a job couldn't buy sexy underwear if they want.
I am not going to take my 13yo on a trip to VS to buy some thongs, I assure you. And, I am so not a prude. LOL. It's quite funny because I really am not a prude. I'm about the exact opposite. I want her to look and feel pretty, but there's no point in her dressing like a hooker.
She wants to impress boys. Just not with her underpants. In person. That kid thinks about romance and kisses and stuff. She complains that her friends spend too much time talking about sex.
I don't repress any of my kids. My eldest started being allowed to have an occasional hard cider or a sample of a mixed drink when he was 18 (drinking age is 21 here) and we were at home. Just one. Just so he knew that it wasn't some huge deal and wouldn't go out and binge drink when he turned 21. And he's 24 now and has only been wasted drunk one time... at home.. He knows how to handle drinking because I don't never made it taboo... just encouraged moderation.
My middle kid has incredibly long hair. It's down to his waist. I don't care. It's his hair. Both the boys know how to use a gun, though we don't keep them in the home. I trained them when they were young so they'd know what to do if some crazy idiot kid produced a gun in someone's home while they were visiting.
My daughter wears makeup (that she was expertly taught to apply) and she gets to dye her hair funky colors (professionally, not any sort of DIY job). I let her pick out her own clothes. But, she never looks at me and asks me to buy her any negligees. Because.... really?
So... my point is that people should TALK to their children. Understand their children.
But, I guess this is very challenging for some people, so they're out buying 15yo girls some stuff that looks like she belongs on a stripper pole instead of understanding WHY she might be looking at that stuff and thinking she needs it.
Be a parent, not an overaged teen buddy.
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Bingo. The super oppressed girls become some of the best strippers, I've heard that lap dances are better when she's crying. Good example with the guns, probably the funniest of those that I saw was Rosie O'Donnell's kid going to Citadel. Awesome.
Oh yeah, thank God I don't have daughters. *shudders*
Or, perhaps you could respect other people's daughters and not accept lap dances from them.
Just a thought.
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I don't think forbidding my daughter from dressing "sexy" at the age of 13 is being an oppressive parent. Its not like I keep my daughter locked in the house all day not being able to do anything. Nor do I make decisions about everything she wears. I allow her freedom to express her own personal style, but as her mother I'm not about to let her run around wearing something a 20-something would wear. I think that's the problem with some parents...too busy trying to be a cool friend instead of providing the discipline and guidance kids need to become responsible adults. Then those same parents wonder how they got to be grandparents in their late 30's.
Exactly!
You give them good parenting, the freedom to express themselves, and the boundaries in which they can do that, based on their age and level of maturity (all kids mature at different rates).
You be the cool parent, not the cool buddy that is reliving his her teens all over again.
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Probably 75%. In fact it would be more rare to find a teen at that age not concerned with "being attractive."
The discussion about why they want to wear a thong is way more important than actually getting one.
Also, there has been a huge cultural shift in the past 10ish years on thongs. Sure when I was a teen, thongs were considered stripper-wear. And my mom still thinks they are. But in recent years they have become a practical (yet rarely comfortable) underwear choice.
I wouldn't be surprised if many younger mothers didn't have a strong opinion on thongs. Particularly the microfiber/everyday type, they have been desexualized since the "Thong Song" came out.
Sexy is defined by how you have been socialized. For every person who thinks thongs are sext, there is someone else who has pencil skirts on the list. Anything can be sexy.
What is worrisome is when young women sexualize themselves. Particularly when they are connecting it to things like popularity, romantic attention and social acceptance. It is normal and healthy to be curious (and explore) your "sexuality" at that age, but it should happen in an age appropriate way.
Kids start worrying about their appearance in middle school, or even earlier, but we don't want them to derive their self-esteem from their perceived sex appeal and attractiveness. And get themselves into situations they aren't ready for.
Thongs aren't really comfortable, no matter how you slice it. I've had a few that were marginally comfy that I wore for the whole panty line issue, but sexy underwear doesn't not have to equal "thong."
I merely don't want my 13yo to feel like panty lines are such a huge issue (hell, we all wear underpants) that cannot be solved unless one is wearing butt floss.
I like that my daughter wants to be attractive. I encourage her to do what she likes. But, I draw the line at low-cut tops, skin-tight clothes, and barely-there underpants.
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I don't agree with sexy underwear. Not only because I don't think a child needs anything "sexy," but also because that's usually more expensive than good ol' Hanes, and I don't want to spend a ton of money on my kid's undies. I do, however, see why some parents will take their daughters to VS or other lingerie specific stores to buy bras. It's not about buying a push-up or something sexy, but rather about making sure the fit is correct and it's the right type of bra. A lot of people are seriously uneducated about how bras should fit (the band isn't flush with the skin or is way too tight, the cup isn't big enough for full coverage, or the shape of the cup isn't right for the shape of the breast). I'd rather have my daughter in a correct fitting bra than one that doesn't give her the right support or is uncomfortable. So far, I've been able to find her good bras at Target, but you never know, as she grows, that could change.
Oh, I can also see why some parents would buy their daughter a thong, depending on the reason. For instance, when I was a girl who rode in horse shows, I'd go commando - it was what the other girls did as well, because in riding breeches, the underwear would bunch or show big lines underneath. If my daughter were into riding, I'd rather she wear a thong under her breeches than nothing at all.
I think the part about parents buying their children sexy underwear, just for the sake of having sexy underwear, is part of parents treating their children more like mini adults or friends, rather than their children.
Yep. And that is what I think is pretty sad about this thread.
My daughter is at the point where we'll have to shop for bras in nicer shops next, because she's started to have too much chest (and is a skinny kid, otherwise) to not have adequate support.
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I think you guys are in the dark about what stage kids are at once they hit high school. Seriously, no "sexy" undergarments until at least 18? This isn't the 1800's. I'm a guy, but at 12-13 (even younger actually but 12-13 for sure) we were all hooking up or at least wanted to, wanted to impress/attract members of the opposite sex, etc. It was on by that point.
You being oppressive parents isn't going to change that, it's just going to make your kid resent you. And they will get the sexy stuff anyway, so your not even preventing anything. Plus, they are more likely to respond by going to those extreme's as soon as they can, just because you made a big deal about the smallest stuff and so severely limited them. Classic example is the kid whose parents were severely anti-gun, oppressively so, and surprise surprise, the kid joins the army and is super into guns.
Quote:
Originally Posted by aplcr0331
Bingo. The super oppressed girls become some of the best strippers, I've heard that lap dances are better when she's crying. Good example with the guns, probably the funniest of those that I saw was Rosie O'Donnell's kid going to Citadel. Awesome.
Oh yeah, thank God I don't have daughters. *shudders*
5. Here's your bottom line. You teach your daughter to be mindful of the messages she may inadvertently be sending. You let her know what other things she can do to prevent such things (like not getting smashed in a frat house and being there alone with a bunch of men and/or not going out without wearing underwear and getting drunk in a bar and going home with some guy she never met)... you let her know there's safety in numbers and that she needs good girlfriends to stick with her when she's out and about and that she can always call you, even if she was drinking underage and you won't punish her and you'll come get her right away...
You do this, and your daughter will be fine. Might she still be assaulted? Yes. Any woman might be. But, at least she'll be making wise choices to help decrease the chances that this will happen to her.
The feminist notion of being able to wander the streets half naked on a Saturday night and not get molested is a bit ridiculous. I won't leave my car unlocked on a street on Saturday night. Why would I want my body to be any less protected?
Or, teach your sons that just because a woman gets drunk or wears skimpy clothing, that it's not an invitation to rape her.
1) A woman is not the same as a car. A car is an object, and a woman is a human being.
2) No one knows whether or not someone is wearing underwear, so if a woman goes out without underwear on, that's not some magical invisible invitation to be raped. The same is true of "sexy" underwear. Wearing lace does not equate with being a rape victim.
3) It is not ridiculous to walk around expecting to not get molested.
It is not a "truth" that men will automatically rape women. They are not born thinking that way. It is because as a society we allow it. We warn women that "any woman might be" sexually assaulted, and we don't bother to warn men not to sexually assault, nor do we prosecute most sex crimes, nor do we issue harsh sentences for sex crimes. If a man's penis was cut off for raping, do you honestly think men would go around raping women just because a woman got drunk or might not be wearing panties or is wearing skimpy clothing? I'm pretty sure if it comes between having a penis or not, most men would be able to control their "urges" to rape or molest.
The bottom line is not to warn daughters about messages they might be sending - it is not a girl's or woman's job to think beforehand about what every deviant, criminal mind may be thinking and try to adapt to it - that viewpoint just reinforces the idea that it's the woman's fault if she gets raped (there are men who think short sleeves is an invitation to rape). The bottom line is to teach children safe behavior. Don't, regardless of your sex or who you are with, get so drunk that you're not aware of your surroundings or able to fend for yourself. Don't go anywhere with strangers. Don't be afraid to call for help (whether that's parents, or police, or yelling at the top of your lungs). Know how to defend yourself. Learn how to read a situation and know when it might be a good time to get out of there. These are basic safety lessons that parents can teach their children, regardless of sex, and hopefully it will keep the child out of harm's way.
You know what is funny? After high school I got a job as a cocktail waitress is a strip club. I was able to work nights/weekends and didn't interfere with college during the day. I got paid $25 a shift then tips. The funniest part about it though is that I wore more clothes than what I see most wear walking down the street. The only "uniform" was to wear black pants, sneakers, and a black top. I wore black stretch pants I bought for $20 at Modells, Reebok classic sneakers, and had a few black tops like this.
My mom was wary when I told her. She ended up showing up one night unexpectedly, probably to make sure waitress didn't really mean "stripper". I loved the job, and made good money (and any guy who got even a tiny bit rowdy or obnoxious was immediately thrown out). However, the actual strippers were girls who told their parents they were working somewhere else, and a lot I talked to were raised in an extremely strict household and were afraid to fail so were doing whatever it took to look like they were successful.
Kids and teens are going to do things, I would much rather them be open about it and I be able to keep an eye out for them. Girls who had parents who were strict about what they wore didn't not wear the clothes, they just went somewhere and changed after they left the house. I had a friend who's parents were strict and super careful about screening her friends and such and she would meet random guys off MySpace (back then) to have sex with. She would just lie saying she was with me or another "approved" friend. On the other hand, my parents weren't strict, but didn't allow anything illegal or sexual obviously. I remember having 10-15 friends over all the time (boys and girls) and playing in the pool, making smoothies, watching movies. There were rules, like no boys allowed upstairs. No boys over when no one was home. Had to be in by 9 PM on school nights, 11 PM weekends, 12 AM during the summer. As long as I kept honors, And didnt get in trouble, I was given freedom.
I always dated "nice" boys who my parents approved of. Until I was 17 and dated a 21 who was a Penn State frat boy. I would sneak up and spend the weekend there until finally I admitted it. Then my parents were pissed but after a few weeks they allowed me to go as long as I followed rules. My dad would follow me driving up. I also would take a friend (my best friends brother was in the same frat, and our families are friends so that helped). I would also call every night, and morning and return every phone call within twenty mins.
Basically just because you tell your teen no, doesn't mean they will listen. Chances are they won't. It's better to be able to have an honest dialogue than to constantly say no and pretend that means they won't. Building trust and being able to give freedoms for good behaviors is not better IMHO vs saying no to everything and having no control over it because they do it behind my back.
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