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Women..? As in plural?! Wow, I can't even begin to fathom where anyone would run into that many morbidly obese woman..
Keep in mind "women" simply means "two or more" which really isn't that many. And I do know some 350+ pound women. Ironically enough, most of them I've met at the gym and they are there trying to get control. I believe their effort should be applauded.
This is me to a great extent. I had an attraction to overweight girls but for a long time, including while I was in high school I tried to suppress it. I even had a crush on one girl when I started my freshman year, and it seemed she was interested in me, too. The problem was she was a fattie and it was not cool to have a fat girlfriend in high school. Rather than be a friend and possibly have a great girlfriend I made fun of her with some of the other guys. Her and a couple other fat girls. Instead of making a friend I made an enemy.
Thankfully I grew out of that. It took until a broken engagement of a very rocky relationship with a toxic woman before I decided to open myself up to dating overweight women. I slowly adjusted to it. When my wife and I met she was not really overweight, so much as thick. She gained a lot of weight from having babies.
I've come full circle, though. My wife gained weight and I thought she was perfect. But the only constant in life is change. My wife has lost so much weight that I don't think either of us can accurately say I have a fat wife. Her work ethic and drive has been admirable. She is proof mysterious benefactor is laughably wrong about fat women. No person who sits around "obsessing about her next meal" could have accomplished what my wife has. It has taken a complete lifestyle overhaul, and she still has a long way to go, but her progress this far is nothing short of remarkable.
Here's a recent photo:
Not bad, about as skinny as I'd ever want a woman.
You are still here arguing vigorously, and implying through your comments that there is something terribly, terribly wrong with men who date big women.
I'm not implying anything. I've stated unequivocally that I wonder what's wrong with these guys, and I think society does the same. I just can't fathom being with a woman like this. What would I do with her physically? Play with her fat rolls? Unimaginable. Even so, I find it more amusing than bothersome.
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Originally Posted by elvira310
I see. Either I must judge all, or judge none. Criticizing the judging of certain qualities means that I am a "hypocrite" if I ever judge anything else, ever.
"Don't be negative about that pedophile! What does he have to do with you?" "Don't look down on drinking and driving!" (actually I have been chastised for taking an anti-DUI stance. It takes all kinds.) There are some things, like judging the appearance of someone else's wife, that I find completely ridiculous. That doesn't mean that I am a hypocrite if I still judge other people for other actions that are completely in a different category.
No, you don't see; let me explain. This is what you said:
"It's not necessary to be hating on the woman, she's her own person and she doesn't owe you anything, and she hasn't taken anything away from you. Life your life and stop being condemning about what other people do with theirs."
Honestly, is this the approach you've taken towards "trophy wives"? If a girl is attractive and can get by on only her looks, why not just follow your own advice? Why does it bother you so much?
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Originally Posted by elvira310
What else does a woman who is 350 lbs do with her life? How do you know?
The difference between "trophy wife" is it not only describes her appearance, it describes her role as a wife, and implies certain qualities about her.
But again, a fat wife is just a fat wife. It is her appearance only that we are talking about, not who she is. We don't know why she is fat (is it a health problem? baby fat that she hasn't gotten off yet? Weight gain due to stress that she's working to get off?), we don't know if she has a career, if she is a good mother, what other qualities she has. Only that she is fat.
Additionally, a woman certainly can be considered "fat" at a weight much lower than 350+ pounds. I would guess that a woman who is 20 lbs overweight would be looked down on as a "fat wife" by many men, and they would recoil at the thought of seeing her in a bikini. And certainly no self-respecting man who was shopping for a "trophy wife" would not settle for someone 20 lbs overweight! So we're not only talking about 350 lbs, but many other shapes and sizes.
I know of several women who are pretty heavy-duty. I don't know their weight, but judging by their girth and their height, it wouldn't surprise me at all if they were 350.
They have health problems and they're 60+. I don't doubt that overeating is part of their problem, but it's not a simple matter of them being total gluttons either.
In all cases these women are good people, supportive wives and mothers, VERY smart, and productive and creative. A few of these women have been fat all of their lives, but still managed to accomplish many things. I wouldn't consider their lives to be a "waste."
Supportive wives I'll believe... I'm sure in all cases, they're just perfect people, wives and mothers. Well of course, I mean, obviously they must be, because, you know, they're fat, not like worthless little trophy wives.
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Originally Posted by elvira310
But YOU know that, simply because they are 350+ lbs, that they are wasting their lives?
Again this says something about you.
I think it says more about them. Someone who is 350+ is recklessly abusing their body and taking years off of their life. Yes, that is wasting their life.
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Originally Posted by elvira310
And I don't see anyone here celebrating 350 lbs and saying that as long as she's 350+ all is good.
Read the thread.
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Originally Posted by elvira310
I don't know that to be the case, and neither do you. The women I know who are 350+ lbs may have, probably do have, some unhealthy dealings with food, but I don't see them shoveling down food all day, I see them working, studying, talking about family and doing many other worthwhile things.
I do know it to be the case. It takes a lot of food to maintain 350 lbs, that's just an undeniable fact. What you happen to see means nothing. Your intellectual dishonesty is showing.
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Originally Posted by elvira310
A "trophy wife," while maybe not a bad person, is by definition not the kind of person who is studying, working hard, tending to her family, being nurturing and so forth. She is arm candy. That is her main job. If she is something other than a "trophy," then she is not a "trophy wife."
You keep wanting to make this a discussion of fat women versus trophy wives. It's convenient for you it seems, as you can frame the debate with all trophy wives being only an inhuman definition. "Well, she's not a trophy wife if she has one redeeming quality outside of beauty"... It's not difficult to make anyone attractive compared to this.
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Originally Posted by elvira310
Everyone considers the appearance of others, but what you are doing is implying that anyone who does not share your taste is a freak or a weirdo (likes eating monkey brains).
And I think you were excusing the "trophy wife," and I also come to the conclusion that you would admire a man much more for having a "trophy wife," than you would if he had a fat wife. I think that says a lot about your values.
I don't believe that all of society would admire a man with a "trophy wife," because there are a lot of things associated with a trophy wife and most of them are not positive. She's shallow. She married him for money. She doesn't love him. She doesn't DO anything. She is there to hang onto his arm and be pretty, but she doesn't have much to contribute to the conversation. Many of "society" might also surmise that if given a chance, she'll have an affair with the tennis pro at the country club, because her husband is an old geezer who married her for her looks.
A fat wife, I think some of "society" might initially wonder why he didn't marry someone a little more "conventionally" pretty, but maybe she's a nice person (I know, in order to know that you'd have to get to know her ). Maybe she's smart and talented. Funny. An excellent mother. Caring. Any number of qualities COULD apply to a fat wife. Most of "society," if given these facts, would be far more likely to admire a man with a loving, caring, interesting, intelligent, but also fat wife, over an idle, empty-headed "trophy wife."
Back to the trophy wife...
What is your hang-up here? Virtually your entire post is a rant countering a point that was never made. As it is though, I disagree with your last paragraph. I still think most of society would look more favorably on a man who is married to a gorgeous, brainless woman than an obese one with the positive qualities you describe. Maybe less so among women, but I think you may be underestimating how important visual appeal and sex is to men. Being smart, talented, funny, that's all great, but if she's disgusting to look at, what good is she? Given a choice, I think a large majority would choose the eye candy.
I'm not implying anything. I've stated unequivocally that I wonder what's wrong with these guys, and I think society does the same. I just can't fathom being with a woman like this. What would I do with her physically? Play with her fat rolls? Unimaginable. Even so, I find it more amusing than bothersome.
This is exactly why I asked if you've considered the limitations to your understanding of attraction. You admit yourself your understanding of attraction is limited right here, otherwise it wouldn't be "unimaginable" and you would be abel to fathom. If you're not open to a more critical thought process or expanding your scope of knowledge a subject, that's your prerogative and completely fine with me. But it is also perfectly fine to acknowledge you've not considered all aspects of a given subject when weighing in on it. In fact, it's better if you do.
Women..? As in plural?! Wow, I can't even begin to fathom where anyone would run into that many morbidly obese woman..
In some parts of the country, it's not that rare. Especially when they're older...
I know one woman who must be 400 or above. She's from my church. She is the sweetest person, has a lovely singing voice, and writes song lyrics. Her life has not been a waste.
Sure, I wouldn't want to be that weight, but I don't feel anything but fondness for these ladies.
If they were always making displays of eating like they're at a trough, it might be harder to overlook that. But I never see them do that.
Honestly, is this the approach you've taken towards "trophy wives"? If a girl is attractive and can get by on only her looks, why not just follow your own advice? Why does it bother you so much?
Because as a fellow human being, I see all other human beings as having brains, talents, potential. To see someone be encouraged, awarded, pushed even, to throw all of that away for something that is fleeting (like beauty), is appalling. Like I said before, I don't always blame the women, but those who encourage her to settle for just that.
Don't you understand why that is upsetting? Imagine someone's 18-year-old daughter, maybe with a talent for science or fashion design, give it all up for some Mr. Moneybags who promises her luxury, because her beauty is her ONLY value. Imagine being that girl's science teacher or fashion design teacher, and seeing her throw it all away because all this man wants from her is her youth and beauty.
But I fear that you're not capable of understanding any of that. Sadly.
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I think it says more about them. Someone who is 350+ is recklessly abusing their body and taking years off of their life. Yes, that is wasting their life.
That is jeopardizing their health, and that's a bad thing, but even a shortened life, where a lot is done, a lot is learned and accomplished, does not qualify as a "wasted" life. "Wasted" implies that nothing was ever done that was worth anything.
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I do know it to be the case. It takes a lot of food to maintain 350 lbs, that's just an undeniable fact. What you happen to see means nothing. Your intellectual dishonesty is showing.
What intellectual dishonesty? I don't doubt that there is some unhealthy connection with food, but I don't know how that manifests itself. All I see is that they are accomplishing things, not constantly sitting around and planning their next meal. Unlike you, who just knows (without even meeting the person) that they MUST eat XXXX calories a day and think about food constantly, I don't have any idea.
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You keep wanting to make this a discussion of fat women versus trophy wives.
Because you brought it up, and because I think it really sums up your whole mindset.
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I still think most of society would look more favorably on a man who is married to a gorgeous, brainless woman than an obese one with the positive qualities you describe. Maybe less so among women, but I think you may be underestimating how important visual appeal and sex is to men. Being smart, talented, funny, that's all great, but if she's disgusting to look at, what good is she? Given a choice, I think a large majority would choose the eye candy.
And this is why I keep on bringing up the trophy wife. Because it reveals where your values lie.
If she's not hot, WHAT GOOD IS SHE?
There's all sorts of ways a woman can be unattractive, even "disgusting" to some men, while others might still find her appealing.
But I guess to you, that no "normal" guy could ever see things that you don't see in a woman. And if they do, it's because there's something wrong with them. It couldn't be that they just have different tastes. No, there is one way to look at a woman, and either they're looking at her in your way, or they're doing it the wrong and abnormal way.
And, since looks are of primary importance, and it's much better to have a brainless hottie than an intelligent wife that isn't pretty, let's see where this goes. Obviously, if a guy's wife suffers an accident and is disfigured, he would immediately divorce her, because she's now "disgusting," WHAT GOOD IS SHE? And when she gets old, she's no longer pretty. Ditch her, what good is she?
With that mindset, perhaps guys who feel that way should get one of those sophisticated life-like dolls that never change, are always pretty, but have no brains. While they may not be actually alive, they will always be hot. And that's what gives them value!
With that mindset, perhaps guys who feel that way should get one of those sophisticated life-like dolls that never change, are always pretty, but have no brains. While they may not be actually alive, they will always be hot. And that's what gives them value!
Your wife's a very pretty woman, iknow. No one could deny that.
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