who would bother looking at me when such beauties are around (brown, pale)
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There does seem to be a stigma about being one of the"beautiful people,". A societal trend, perhaps? I, personally, lime plain,little or no makeup, rough n tumble kinda gals, that aren't afraid to get dirty hands. I don't care about scars or anything either. As its been said, a lot of these "beautiful people" are just shells. Nothing going on inside, except worrying about their looks, and looking down on them they see as non beautiful.
Thing is, there is WAY more of us "non beautiful" folks out here, than there ever will be of them. Its no sin or slight to be on the more common side, looks wise. Seems to me, that's where truly exceptional and uncommon people are found.
Until I was about 14, I was the class "ugly girl", thick glasses and crooked teeth, plus my parents were fairly poor, so I wore unattractive hand-me-downs -- and if that wasn't bad enough, I was also the class "brain". In other words, I was the ultimate geek. However, I was also a nice person, and no matter how much I was teased, I never was mean in return. (Not that that would have done any good, anyway!)
Then I got contacts, the braces came off, I started earning my own money so I could buy new and more fashionable clothes, and then -- although I wasn't a "10", suddenly, I was at least attractive. (I had great hair and a slim hourglass shape, which also helped.) However, because of my earlier experiences, I found that instead of being attracted to the good-looking guys, I was drawn to the average and even unattractive guys who were intelligent and nice. You see, I knew that I was a worthwhile person even when I was "ugly", and I always thought that if people could just see past the surface, boys would realize that. So, in turn, I learned to look beneath the surface of guys (and later, men), too.
Now, I have been very happily married for 30 years to a VERY good and kind man who was also his class geek, and although I have always been the more attractive of us, I would not exchange him for the wealthiest, most attractive guy in the entire world.
So, what I am saying to you, is YES, as others have said, try to accentuate the positive in your looks as much as you can, but also realize that there are much more worthwhile things to concentrate on, such as how kind you are to others and developing your talents and interests, whatever they are, so that people will find you an interesting and pleasant person to be with.
I have a very similar story. I was an ugly duckling till my late teens/ early twenties. I was also extremely shy and had terrible self-esteem. While my more outgoing, confident friends (who weren't necessarily all that pretty themselves but certainly THOUGHT they were) were getting attention from boys and dating in high school, i was pretty much ignored. Then one of my most arrogant girlfriends introduced me to a 'cast-off' of hers, a boy that she met and deemed way too unattractive and 'nerdy' for her. She was super-proud of herself being a 'tall blue-eyed blonde', and the boy in question was a computer nerd who didn't have a six pack and didn't dress well, while all the 'cool girls' were dating club-going, heavily-muscled, gel-haired 'bad boys'. We met and hit it off instantly, though I'll admit that my lack of self-esteem played in role in me just being happy at first that a guy liked me. My friends said that I could do better, the meaner ones snickered about us two losers 'finding each other'. More than a decade later we're happily married with a family, he's a very successful professional working for a world leading company, I stay home, and if I say so myself, we both look much much better in our early thirties than we did in our teens. We both work out, eat healthy, and are in good shape compared to many of our peers, I have the ability to dress well, maintain my hair and makeup, and make sure to always look put together (and pick out hubby's clothes too, lol). I'm still not blessed with a conventionally pretty face and I never will - but the older I get the less it matters to overall attractiveness versus taking good care of yourself and looking put together. Meanwhile, my tall blonde friend? Still single although she wants a family, living at home, partying and bouncing around from guy to guy, still picking the 'cool', well-dressed playboys that fit her 'image' - except that by their thirties and forties, they're getting more and more pathetic. That's what can happen when you focus on the superficial too much.
Last edited by EvilCookie; 04-09-2015 at 01:07 PM..
Honestly, if you don't like the way you look, you CAN make changes. They don't have to be drastic, but they could really boost your self-esteem. The one thing you mentioned you can definitely change is your level of fitness. You'd be amazed at what a little toning up can do for your self-esteem. It can do wonders!
Until I was about 14, I was the class "ugly girl", thick glasses and crooked teeth, plus my parents were fairly poor, so I wore unattractive hand-me-downs -- and if that wasn't bad enough, I was also the class "brain". In other words, I was the ultimate geek. However, I was also a nice person, and no matter how much I was teased, I never was mean in return. (Not that that would have done any good, anyway!)
Then I got contacts, the braces came off, I started earning my own money so I could buy new and more fashionable clothes, and then -- although I wasn't a "10", suddenly, I was at least attractive. (I had great hair and a slim hourglass shape, which also helped.) However, because of my earlier experiences, I found that instead of being attracted to the good-looking guys, I was drawn to the average and even unattractive guys who were intelligent and nice. You see, I knew that I was a worthwhile person even when I was "ugly", and I always thought that if people could just see past the surface, boys would realize that. So, in turn, I learned to look beneath the surface of guys (and later, men), too.
Now, I have been very happily married for 30 years to a VERY good and kind man who was also his class geek, and although I have always been the more attractive of us, I would not exchange him for the wealthiest, most attractive guy in the entire world.
So, what I am saying to you, is YES, as others have said, try to accentuate the positive in your looks as much as you can, but also realize that there are much more worthwhile things to concentrate on, such as how kind you are to others and developing your talents and interests, whatever they are, so that people will find you an interesting and pleasant person to be with.
I was probably as ugly as could be growing up. I have male-pattern hair growth on my face, of all places! I shunned anything that even hinted of "fashionable," and I frequently went to school with dirty clothes and uncombed hair. My mom knew how to give makeovers and make me look just stunning, but I vehemently resisted her efforts to make me look "girly." To me, "girly" meant giving up your personality and becoming subservient to men. That wasn't something I wanted.
I only started getting into the "girly" stuff and started noticing how it affected other people after I became an adult. As a teen, I was terrified of being taken advantage of. Maybe I had the looks after everything was cleaned up, but I couldn't even fake a personality. I was so afraid of everyone and their opinions. Now, my obsession with beauty is different. I do have a personality, and I do know how to express myself. Now, I can work on the outside. This time, it's only about looking "normal" and not scaring little children.
Sometimes I see beautiful people (female specially) & then I will look at myself in the mirror in bathroom and feel so Bla. Especially when I see beautiful, fit & intelligent girls then I compare myself to her & wonder "who would bother looking at me when such beauties are around".
How do you manage thoughts like that? I know the saying "if we put all our problem in pile & saw others problem, we will pick ours back up'. I am sure beautiful smart females have their own problem too & I shouldn't compare myself to others. But at times I wonder, I am so average. I can't help but compare
I don't have "thoughts like that" because I do not and never have compared myself to anyone else.
I am me I am not them, they are them and not me and I can only be me, look like me, talk like me and dress like me so I just be me.
Be happy with yourself as you are and quit comparing to someone you are not now and will never be.
Simply because you can only be yourself.
Sometimes I see beautiful people (female specially) & then I will look at myself in the mirror in bathroom and feel so Bla. Especially when I see beautiful, fit & intelligent girls then I compare myself to her & wonder "who would bother looking at me when such beauties are around".
How do you manage thoughts like that? I know the saying "if we put all our problem in pile & saw others problem, we will pick ours back up'. I am sure beautiful smart females have their own problem too & I shouldn't compare myself to others. But at times I wonder, I am so average. I can't help but compare
Sometimes I see beautiful people (female specially) & then I will look at myself in the mirror in bathroom and feel so Bla. Especially when I see beautiful, fit & intelligent girls then I compare myself to her & wonder "who would bother looking at me when such beauties are around".
How do you manage thoughts like that? I know the saying "if we put all our problem in pile & saw others problem, we will pick ours back up'. I am sure beautiful smart females have their own problem too & I shouldn't compare myself to others. But at times I wonder, I am so average. I can't help but compare
How you look only matters to other people, how you FEEL matters to you.
Remember that there are SO many people in society there's always going to be someone better looking than you, someone taller, someone smarter, someone richer, etc so if you go around comparing yourself to others, you are only going to be disappointed in what you have. Focus on your strengths and enjoy life, its way too short to be feeling bad about yourself because of this.
Location: where you sip the tea of the breasts of the spinsters of Utica
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Quote:
Originally Posted by keraT
Sometimes I see beautiful people (female specially) & then I will look at myself in the mirror in bathroom and feel so Bla. Especially when I see beautiful, fit & intelligent girls then I compare myself to her & wonder "who would bother looking at me when such beauties are around".
How do you manage thoughts like that? I know the saying "if we put all our problem in pile & saw others problem, we will pick ours back up'. I am sure beautiful smart females have their own problem too & I shouldn't compare myself to others. But at times I wonder, I am so average. I can't help but compare
Men tend to judge women at first glance by beauty, but that feeling can fade quickly if there's no chemistry or compatibility. If you live with gorgeous scenery outside your home, it's great at first but becomes secondary after a while.
Also some very average women just ooze sexiness and pheromones, and many men can be much more attracted to that than a Barbie model type.
If you're interested in a guy who isn't giving you positive cues, try simply getting to know him better. And wear a miniskirt or low-cut blouse while doing so, or show some leg even if it's not gorgeous. Both tactics can work.
There are people out there missing limbs, severe deformities, etc etc.
You should count your blessings you are not one of the people above.
That simple reminder should pull you back down to earth and humble you.
Looks are superficial and fade. What really matters is what is on the inside of a person.
Agreed.
Think about everything that you DO have that is great in your life. I know it's easy to feel a little sad when you see a 10 walk into the room and everyone's eyes instantly follow her, but you have to ignore that or you'll go crazy.
And if there is something that you don't like about yourself, definitely work on it.
Most importantly, if you love yourself, that will radiate on the outside and attract more people.
I would suggest you focus your attention on something other than the mirror. All of us have the capability to make valuable contributions to the world. Many of them are far more important than being decorative. Some women can do that with little effort but what, really, are they contributing to their community?
You CAN be valued for other aspects of your personality and abilities. Be friendly, be kind, be a good family member. Cultivate warm friendships. Get as much education as you can. Get a career you like and concentrate on being a success in it. Get a hobby, take up a sport, or adopt a special interest outside your job that brings you pleasure and a sense of fulfillment. Be self-supporting. Take care of your health, including your mental health (if you suffer from depression or low self-esteem, see a therapist). Make your home a comfortable and beautiful environment that pleases you, even if it needs to be quite modest. Get a pet if you like animals. Do volunteer work that is appreciated.
Think of women who have been truly valued by our culture: Eleanor Roosevelt, Amelia Earhart, Clara Barton, Florence Nightingale, Marie Curie, Margaret Mead, Mary Leakey, Virginia Woolf, Zora Neale Hurston, Agatha Christie, Harper Lee, Maya Angelou, Golda Meir, Prime Ministers Margaret Thatcher and Indira Gandhi, Chancellor Merkel of Germany, Hillary Clinton, Aretha Franklin, Sandra Day O'Connor, Coco Chanel, Frida Kahlo, Georgia O'Keeffe. Are any of them noted for their looks?
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