Dealing with "lost looks" (salons, full, clothes, women)

[Ringo1]

Originally Posted by otterhere

"There's a freedom in no longer obsessing about my looks that feels good. I hope you find it."


Um...

That's just it; I have NEVER given my looks (or clothes or hair) a second thought or devoted any time or energy to them. I was lucky in that I did look good while focusing entirely on other, less "shallow" things. But, like others have mentioned, when you begin to look sick or worn out or haggard, that's not a thing you feel good about, however "comfortable in your own skin" you are. As I say, I'll be the old lady on the beach in the bikini not giving a da*n, but while I'm still young enough to be in the game, so to speak, it's a change I'm noticing and adjusting to. I don't wish to HAVE to obsess over my looks...


For the first time ever...

Well then my dear, don't start now.

[Ringo1]

Originally Posted by cyn7cyn

Which reminds me. How do i get this retinol. I want the real stuff like Retin A that i had for acne as a teen. I see it for sale online through Canadian pharmacies but don't want to waste or over pay money. I know it works , my late aunt used to use it and every so many years I'd see her and she would look younger then the last.

There are TONS of over the counter products that contain Retinol. Almost every department store brand carries at least ONE (or ten) products with Retinol.

For Retin-A you would need to get a prescription from your doctor. A PCP will write it or a derm.

[aquamarin]

After 40 it is all about maintaining... Little thing here, little there... Renova, Botox, IPL (if advised by professional, IPL is not for all types of skin) to prevent wrinkles and for nice complexion. Do not wait too long for the first surgery...
My friend did just that - at 48 she had her neck lift, a couple of years later - lower and upper lids, a few years later she did lower lids again. CO2... Now, at 60, she looks 40.. And of course being size 4-8 helps.

[puginabug]

Originally Posted by aquamarin

After 40 it is all about maintaining... Little thing here, little there... Renova, Botox, IPL (if advised by professional, IPL is not for all types of skin) to prevent wrinkles and for nice complexion. Do not wait too long for the first surgery...
My friend did just that - at 48 she had her neck lift, a couple of years later - lower and upper lids, a few years later she did lower lids again. CO2... Now, at 60, she looks 40.. And of course being size 4-8 helps.

I've had none of that, and at 60 I look 40, 45 at most. A lot of it is genetics I guess.

[tickyul]

Deal with it and move on........looks fade!

I've always been quite, UMMM, homely looking.....so I don't have too much to get
butthurt about.

[Bonnie Jean McGee]

yeah I don't care if my face starts to sag


its supposed to


the beauty of age - unless you're extremely shallow or reliant on appearance to earn a living, you simply don't give a toss what anyone else thinks of you

[hunterseat]

If you keep yourself in good physical condition and keep your heart light on, you'll look great no matter what your age!

[PanthersPanthers]

I've never been much into my looks, but I'm feeling more self-conscious as I get older. I took a photo of myself tonight and I was shocked to see how...tired and worn out I look. I guess 4 kids and lots of stress (and chronic disease) will do that to you.

I guess I was never really beautiful, so I won't cry over my lost beauty. But I do find those signs of aging depressing, because it means I'm getting older, and that scares me I'm 41.

[Tornado Baby]

I have skimmed through this thread and would like to offer a couple of suggestions....I am 58. Use coconut oil everywhere after a bath. It is so dry here and water is hard, but this helps. Keep a jar of it with a spoon in your bathroom. It liquifies at about 75 degrees, but melts in your hand if your home is cooler. Very good on neck and face wrinkles. Let it soak in and put more on before bed. I have been told I look mid 40's. That is cool enough for me!

Retin A, Renova, etc. is really great but too overpriced in the US. The generic, tretinoin, can be had but requires a prescription in the US. More drug company profit margin stuff. It sucks but it is what it is. And that is how I get it. But you can get it in Mexico non prescription. It is worth a few days down there just to go to a pharmacy. Last time I was there it was about $10 a tube, when it was over $200 here. But it has probably gone up in price since then, but get a few tubes to last. One tube should last about 6 months. Use it very sparingly at night for best results as it can make your skin sensitive to sun. I tried to get it in the UK and Australia, but still need a script. Not sure about Canada. It is worth shopping for.

I also use the Reverse Lift line from Serious Skin Care at HSN. It is wonderful! And not expensive. Check this out on line. Cleanse your skin twice a day and not with soap. They have fabulous cleansers. Pm me for more info....and I don't sell it.

Keep your face and other parts protected from the sun. I live in Vegas, it is as necessary as underwear (in polite circles here.p anyway....), just part of getting ready to leave the house. Sunscreen, hat, sunglasses. Seriously.

And most important, drink water and eat healthy. Keep salt down. I drink red wine and always have a bottle of water with it. The inside breeds the outside. Work out or walk. Sagging parts can be helped by resistance training. Carry 5 pound weights when you walk. I also wear Skechers Shape Up shoes. Never mind what did not work for Kim Kardashian. You can get them at Savers cheaply as they are no longer made. If your feet are comfy, that helps your other parts. I don't work out as much as I should and that is my challenge, but it does not have to be an obsession.

Get enough sleep. However you can.

This is a lifestyle but does not have to be torture or bankruptcy, or surgical. I have a tummy roll that us a family figure fault that has caught up with me. But that can be concealed.....but reducing carbs can help.

And love yourself and have fun so you are emotionally positive. That is probably the hardest part fir women.

Good luck! So far this is working for me!

[Utopian Slums]

Originally Posted by otterhere

"There's a freedom in no longer obsessing about my looks that feels good. I hope you find it."


Um...

That's just it; I have NEVER given my looks (or clothes or hair) a second thought or devoted any time or energy to them. I was lucky in that I did look good while focusing entirely on other, less "shallow" things. But, like others have mentioned, when you begin to look sick or worn out or haggard, that's not a thing you feel good about, however "comfortable in your own skin" you are. As I say, I'll be the old lady on the beach in the bikini not giving a da*n, but while I'm still young enough to be in the game, so to speak, it's a change I'm noticing and adjusting to. I don't wish to HAVE to obsess over my looks...


For the first time ever...

I know exactly what you mean and I appreciate your honesty about it. I'm just at the very beginning of this now being late 30s but I can only compare it to loosing "power" which women who never had it in the first place, love to minimize by implying that you should be interested in "your inner beauty" instead, as if people with one don't have the other! (That's right up there with the myth of "dumb blonds" and all intelligent women being unattractive.)

To have both inner and outer beauty, yet be slipping away from one to the point that it only NOW is taking your attention IS a genuine loss.

I'm like you where I rarely wore makeup in my 20s/30s. In fact I often DRESS(ED) DOWN because as an introvert, I often wasn't comfortable with attention from others.

A perceptive ex once said to me: "you always seem very aware that everyone in the room is looking at you. I can tell you don't like it."

So to be getting less attention, that I formerly took for granted, is an odd adjustment. Especially since I have FINALLY gotten used to the attention yet NOW it is fleeting. What a waste.

Originally Posted by reneeh63

Interesting...I guess women who were told they were "beautiful" would have it tougher aging than the rest of us who have never been called "beautiful"? I guess we age but going from mediocre to worse is a nonevent.

IDK why the premise is "interesting."

I think most would agree that in any area of life, going from "above average to poor" is a greater quantitative loss than "average to poor."

If I was a millionaire my entire life who literally became "poor," it would be a much greater QUANTITATIVE loss than having been poor most of my life (my personal reality) and becoming poor again. Not to diminish the fact that in either instance, it's still a loss.

Originally Posted by UrbanCrossroads

Ha! That's the spirit! "I'm better than a 10, can't you see? I've got an 11 etched on my forehead!"

I'm seeing this on me now and my problem is the comments of "you look tired" that I'm getting from others. No, that's just my face. "Sorry." Reminds me of being teens 20s and comments I would get like "smile!" Or "you look angry." Again, "sorry," that is just my face!!

I've also always wondered if less attractive people were subjected to such comments.

Like pregnant women saying people try and touch their stomachs. Well I've never been pregnant and would slap anyone who tried to touch my stomach! But I have endured some really odd comments/put-downs from men that I wonder if they would feel comfortable saying to less attractive women.

Examples*:
"You have a cleft in your chin" (no sh**t!)
"I don't like how you pluck your eyebrows" (oh no! Ty for telling me, I'll stop ASAP! )
"Your waist is weird" (because it is very thin yet my breast and hips are huge? I think "attractive " is the word you are looking for!)
"You need a dif color eyeshadow" (thank you Mr. Eyeshadow Expert I met today on a plane!)
"You're too thin" (too thin for WHAT? Do these same guys tell TOTALLY RANDOM WOMEN they are "too fat" RIGHT TO THEIR FACES!??)

Well, I guess that is one thing I can look forward to about aging. My face and body can belong to me again! Besides the "tired" remarks, I doubt men will be saying things like "you have a lot of wrinkles." "Your skin has little elasticity."


(*And sorry to be sounding like a "humble brag" if I am, but seriously, I would love to know if odd comments like this to all females or the norm, and/or what is the male psychology behind such backhanded compliments and insults?)

Originally Posted by tickyul

Deal with it and move on........looks fade!

I've always been quite, UMMM, homely looking.....so I don't have too much to get
butthurt about.

Then lucky you to not be losing anything!

The "deal with it" response is not very helpful though.

Originally Posted by cyn7cyn

Which reminds me. How do i get this retinol. I want the real stuff like Retin A that i had for acne as a teen. I see it for sale online through Canadian pharmacies but don't want to waste or over pay money. I know it works , my late aunt used to use it and every so many years I'd see her and she would look younger then the last.

I get Renova from an online pharmacy in India. India makes most of USA generic meds. I don't use it often because one side effect may be elastosis and I already have thin skin.

I also would not use so close to eyes for "11." I have before and it singed/shortened my eyelashes. Getting the tiniest bit into eyes will make them red and durned.

Maybe retinol would be OK there. It's in a lot of OTC products.

Originally Posted by ShinyHappyLucy

I've been very fortunate in that my looks have gotten better with age, but I'm 41 and I know that isn't going to last much longer. The one thing that always stuck with me was hearing other women say that they felt invisible when they got older. I don't feel that way now, and I don't want to ever feel that way. It could happen, though.

This reminds me of the scene in Six Feet Under where the mom steals lipstick with Cathy Bates. Makes me want to think of a way to use this invisibility to my advantage!


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