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Do you think you projected a different vibe when you gained the weight?
When I had been the thinnest I had ever been in my life, I felt like I gave off a different vibe. When I feel dumpy, I know I give off a different vibe.
I'm not saying people aren't judgmental and that they don't treat people differently---I know they do--- I'm just wondering.
It's certainly possible, but I don't think so.
These were people I had been working with on a regular basis for a couple of years, so I was comfortable with them and always "myself," which doesn't vary much. And losing the weight gave me the perspective to see this change in reaction.
But I'm old enough to not care so much about what people think, so I feel pretty confident that my vibe was ok.
I find if I am walking with eyes up, making eye contact, and confident and friendly, I get all the attention from whomever I want. Regardless of how I look (I basically never wear makeup or formal clothing - I don't even own pants that aren't jeans, own zero dresses, and have one skirt I bought for Halloween).
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
I think "invisible" means even if you look, smile, nod or whatever to passersby, they walk on by looking right through you (or looking away).
I don't think it's about "formal" clothing, it's about whether you look like you care somewhat about your overall hygiene. That's just my opinion since a casually dressed person can certainly look just fine whereas there's a certain "look" of "I don't give a...life isn't worth living" even if that's not a fair assessment. The red eyes and so on described here can be part of that and as some have said, if you KNOW the person and know s/hes just having an off day or few days, that's one thing, but how do strangers know? They don't. They just avoid.
Your "confident and friendly" description makes sense but is still a "look." The person is SEEING you with a smile or at least non-unhappy look on your face, sees your eyes meeting him or her. Your overall look is communicating something. It's communicating openness, cheerfulness, non-hostility, nothing for the other person to fear.
Yes, I recall when first noticing it. I have always had a pleasant look as I am about to pass by another, no matter who, being aware or observant. Most people will acknowledge another, smiling, saying Hi, (unless of course, one is distracted). As I say, I always look decent when going out anywhere (I am not talking about "formal clothing", just stylish casual clothes, being clean and groomed). So, I had passed right by a somewhat younger guy in a store parking lot and noticed he practically walked right through me. I began noticing it more.. having been used to attention from even younger men and realized - this is what "being invisible" is and that I had gone over into the old-zone. I don't mean when walking on a residential street or with a pet, when I think anyone is friendly, just as neighbors we don't really know will greet each other. I am talking about opposite sex attraction, that ends. (I have seen this sort of discussion before which gets responses based upon different perceptions).
Just to mention, I was in a local market once in line with others behind, when noticing the checker and other male employees falling all over themselves - due to a female customer with long, flowing hair and high heels... tight clothing. So, after the woman left, I made a crack to the familiar checker as he was all excited... saying "Yeah.. well she was pretty, right??" The bottom line is, there will always be comparisons made and no matter how good others look, there is always the ONE look and age that will turn men's heads. I am not saying I won't notice the rare, good-looking man who also stands out in a crowd - being handsome, well-dressed, smells good...(the difference is, women will notice, but don't completely fall all over themselves or believe this guy epitomizes men).
We will not know, despite how openly we approach others, if we are getting a form of rejection or something else. It is possible that some passers-by may just be anti-social, introverted or in their own heads, no matter who walks past them. Some will always stand out, but since females eventually have a "drop-off" point, they can apparently just.. jump ship. I would not expect to attract a younger man anymore, but since younger men and older men both desire a young female...how is a woman supposed to feel and no wonder some give up. It just seems that there will always be that double standard.
Last edited by In2itive_1; 05-28-2016 at 02:00 AM..
eh, more restrictions and requirements put on humans by other humans to be as they deem appropriate and acceptable not as they are.
From what I understand Ted Bundy was quite handsome and well groomed.....
eh, more restrictions and requirements put on humans by other humans to be as they deem appropriate and acceptable not as they are.
From what I understand Ted Bundy was quite handsome and well groomed.....
Yes..we are aware of how this is...just as seemingly "perfect" females, models, actresses may not be what some want to believe them to be, either.
eh, more restrictions and requirements put on humans by other humans to be as they deem appropriate and acceptable not as they are.
From what I understand Ted Bundy was quite handsome and well groomed.....
Quote:
Originally Posted by el_marto
Well yeah, when you look nice men want to bang you, which gets you more attention from them and boosts your 'status' in the eyes of other women too.
Last week was a tough week for me. I was worn down after a really busy preceding few weeks. As a result I was pretty "off." It was a bad hair week, I had huge bags under my eyes from weeks of not enough sleep and lots of travel. My skin looked crappy. I was too exhausted to put on well composed outfits. I was like a walking zombie last week!
And I noticed something different. People I interacted with normally treated me the usual way. But the way I as treated by strangers (or really not treated may be more accurate) was different. On a normal day, lots of people smile and say hi. Lots of people make small talk. People are outwardly friendly fairly often. Much of that is likely related to my own bubbliness. But last week I was totally invisible. Fewer people smiled and exchanged pleasantries, store clerks were less friendly and chatty. It was like a whole new world.
I didn't know how differently I was perceived on a "put together day" vs a "non put together day."
Last week was a tough week for me. I was worn down after a really busy preceding few weeks. As a result I was pretty "off." It was a bad hair week, I had huge bags under my eyes from weeks of not enough sleep and lots of travel. My skin looked crappy. I was too exhausted to put on well composed outfits. I was like a walking zombie last week!
And I noticed something different. People I interacted with normally treated me the usual way. But the way I as treated by strangers (or really not treated may be more accurate) was different. On a normal day, lots of people smile and say hi. Lots of people make small talk. People are outwardly friendly fairly often. Much of that is likely related to my own bubbliness. But last week I was totally invisible. Fewer people smiled and exchanged pleasantries, store clerks were less friendly and chatty. It was like a whole new world.
I didn't know how differently I was perceived on a "put together day" vs a "non put together day."
I didn't really think about how much "appearance" and "grooming" could impact you! And it makes it feel that much more essential.
Have you had a similar experience or noticed a similar pattern?
I have noticed it on tv. Far as real life goes, I don't receive much attention -dressed up or not. But it may be my demeanor is not approachable. Too bad that unapproachable demeanor doesn't keep away some people I don't care to be bothered with lol
eh, more restrictions and requirements put on humans by other humans to be as they deem appropriate and acceptable not as they are.
From what I understand Ted Bundy was quite handsome and well groomed.....
And, like all psychopaths, was in a minority of the population. Just under a percent, IIRC.
I don't feel that looking non-dirty, with brushed hair, and looking like one gave a hoot getting up in the morning is a restriction or a requirement. It is just a basic gauge of physical health and mental health/contentment, IMO. There ARE silly restrictions in any culture but I'm not feeling it on this one. We will always use our eyes to gauge whether a stranger is potentially "okay" or not and it will never be a perfect system system, BUT there will also be truths in there, truths that have kept us alive for half a million years so far.
Yes, we will always avoid locking eyes with the hulking dirty smelly guy with the giant grizzled beard but smile a cheery "good-morning" to the businesswoman. Call it restrictive and silly if you'd like but there is a truth or two in there and it's about instinct and observation.
Ironically, with that said, I AM the one to always say hello to the unwashed people hanging outside the supermarket, to make eye contact, let them know that yes, they ARE people. They count. They're not invisible. Generally, they thank me by demanding money.
Granted that's swinging the other way, people are probably not talking about THE most forbidding-looking (physically) people but just general slobbishness and possibly a glare. Yes, a glare and slobbishness are two social turn-offs. Call the world crazy, what can I tell ya. Weird that apparent antisocialness and apparent boundaries would be respected as such, eh?
Now as regards "pretty people" and special treatment, I believe that goes beyond "needing to look pulled together," that latter being something that anyone can do, really, but the former either taking a lot of genetic luck, a lot of makeup know-how, a lot of money, a lot of plastic surgery or all four.
Yes, VERY beautiful people do get special treatment, always have and always will, and have always been and continue to be the minority. I don't love it but I don't rage against it either. If anyone wants to be fooled by that then that's not a friend I really want to have, LOL. My friends are smart.
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I began noticing it more.. having been used to attention from even younger men and realized - this is what "being invisible" is and that I had gone over into the old-zone. I don't mean when walking on a residential street or with a pet, when I think anyone is friendly, just as neighbors we don't really know will greet each other. I am talking about opposite sex attraction, that ends. (I have seen this sort of discussion before which gets responses based upon different perceptions). 
WTH??
