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This is probably quite true. Physical concerns, such as mobility, are things that we are working more and more on, and finding more and more help for in science and medicine. So although these are very real concerns, we all notice, I'm sure, that they are in the overwhelming minority in this thread at least. They're there, but underrepresented as opposed to "looks"-type fears.
I don't think it's terrible to want to look *one's best*. But to shame any woman who doesn't look 25 any more...WTF? You can take care of yourself and your body and try to look your own lovely version of you, fine, but the extent to which women are expected to take this is ridiculous. There's no happy medium?
This may sound shallow, but although I think we women worry too MUCH about aging looks-wise, I feel men worry too LITTLE about it, at least by comparison, and I feel it's unfair that men are "allowed" to look "old." I wish men would try just a little harder to stay looking sexually appealing to us women. Some do, sure, but...let's be real and non-PC about this for just a second, bear with me. Women *overall* worry waaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy more than men do and it's because *it's accepted* for men to be turned off by women even their own age past a certain point, and *it's also accepted* for men to look their ages. Yet we women are called shallow if we want to be physically as well as emotionally and intellectually turned on. It's taboo to admit we want to think the guy we're with is nice-looking...not 25, but nice-looking, and not our dad.
I told you it was shallow. But you know what? I may be old...but I still have a sex drive and I still like to look at a nice-looking man. He doesn't have to look 20 but it's kind of unfair that he hardly has to make an effort...v. me, a woman who's told she should be agonizing over every fine line and sag.
I don't fully buy that "it's biology", either. It's highly cultural - with patriarchy having dominated for a few thousand years, we women were supposed to take what we could get so we could eat and have a roof over our heads; hence, our idea of an attractive man is a lower bar than what men expect of women looks-wise. We women are not allowed to admit it, but we do have our physical preferences too. (Why TF do you think in the fairy tale, the handsome prince is always a handsome prince the princess's own age? Why do you think all the hot Fabios in romance novels are young-30-ish or late-20s Fabios? Why does the prom queen want the quarterback and not her dad's friend? Generally, anyway.) We're not ALL sunshine, rainbows and "inner beauty"-oriented. Throw us a bone - deal with the ear hair, use moisturizer and sunscreen and work out, fellas. Please. We love you for who you are inside, or we wouldn't be with you. BUT we wouldn't mind seeing nicely groomed hair in a contemporary cut, cute clothes, and a nice trim tummy to run our hands over just as you like a non-old-lady hairstyle and a body that's shapely, certainly for its amount of years on the planet, and non-old-lady clothes. (Generally. There will always be exceptions...)
Rant over and I realize that this sounds very un-womanly of me, since I dared act like a dude and admit I like to be turned on by what I'm looking at, oh noes. Somebody take away my woman card.
LOL couldn't rep you again, so here's my shout out!
I am SO grateful that I'm married to my husband! Neither of us has a perfect body or face, but we both do make an effort to be attractive to each other.
I'm going to be honest and non PC too. You know what's nice about being married to a man who cares about looks but is realistic? He KNOWS that he's not any younger or sharper looking than I am, and frankly, I like that. I like that he's realistic and that we can be honest and open with each other about our looks and our bodies. We count on each other's feedback when it comes to clothes, hair, etc. And frankly, I prefer a man who's a little vain when it comes to his looks, as opposed to a man who lets it go and yet expects his partner to try her best to hold it together!
I am grateful for my dad, who's always been a bit vain about his looks, and still is at age 79. I like that he's a dapper dresser and that he keeps his hair and goatee neat, and that he pays attention to his clothing and even his posture. He's also very receptive to stuff like, "Hey, Dad - get after those ear hairs when you get home." I mean, sometimes he forgets that sort of thing, but he's not offended at all if I mention it to him - and in fact, he asks me to let him know if something's amiss. Guess what he did the other day - he went and got a pedicure! He knows that old man feet can be a challenge, but he wanted his feet to look good! I love that about my dad.
I know for a fact that if something happened to my mom, he'd get home from the funeral and there'd be a line of 10 women holding casseroles just waiting for him. OMG. Hang in there, Mom!
Anyway, my dad set the bar high so I do have expectations of my husband. I don't expect a perfect body and I certainly don't expect a man to keep a head full of thick, dark hair (or blonde hair for that matter), but I do expect my husband to keep things in check, to pay attention to the little details of personal hygiene and grooming. THANKFULLY, he's good at that sort of thing, at age 59.
I couldn't and wouldn't put up with bad breath, ear and nose hairs, dandruff, and general crustiness or flakiness. UGH. But you're right - a lot of older men don't seem to care about that stuff and I find that appalling.
I haven't had that problem yet (15 years post menopause with a less than perfect body and newly natural - aka silvery gray - hair). I don't think I disappear anywhere. But I do have an outgoing personality and I carry myself confidently.
To clarify, I don't expect anyone to be awestruck by my beauty or lusting after my body - but then, I've never counted on either of those ideals when it comes to my self esteem, which is built on other factors such as personality, intelligence, and character. I'm not saying I'm perfect in any of those categories - I'm just saying that I've counted more on those categories than my looks - my parents raised me that way and it's served me well over the decades.
I really don't worry about whether or not people are "looking at me." All I care about is whether or not people are polite during my interactions with them. I have my own life to lead and I have friends and family who I care about. I focus on those relationships, and I expect good customer service from strangers. Other than that, I really couldn't care less about people "looking at me."
A big smile and a pleasant demeanor goes a long, long way. Most people respond very positively to a genuine smile.
SISTERS^^^^!!! Totally agree with all of the above, feel the same way. And Kathryn, it helps that you and I are TALL - we aren't going to disappear or be "invisible" ever!!!
SISTERS^^^^!!! Totally agree with all of the above, feel the same way. And Kathryn, it helps that you and I are TALL - we aren't going to disappear or be "invisible" ever!!!
Well, yes, that's true - and I also talk with my hands a lot.
OMG, they're here! Ok, not really something I feared but they definitely let me know I'm not a spring chick any more.
1. thickened, misshapen toenails
2. stray whiskers (too coarse to call them hairs) at the corners of my mouth and under my chin
3. those weird knobby veins suddenly poking up on one hand!
I've had freckles my entire life and in the last two years my dermatologist started calling them sun damage and age spots.
Why must they do that?
:-D
Even 23andMe told me I am likely to have freckles based on my genetics.
Mean dermatologists...
LOL 23andme results also told me that I'm more likely to have freckles genetically. And I HAVE always tended to have freckles, not on my face or torso, but on my arms and legs. I mean, since I was a kid, so I doubt that was due to sun damage.
If you have very fair skin (I do) then I think we need to be more aware of possible skin cancers, but as for freckles - who the heck cares if we have them? I certainly don't. They're just part of me and always have been.
I've had freckles my entire life and in the last two years my dermatologist started calling them sun damage and age spots.
Why must they do that?
:-D
Even 23andMe told me I am likely to have freckles based on my genetics.
Mean dermatologists...
Because if he can frighten you with phrases that we have been groomed to believe mean we are useless, washed up and nobody is EVER going to love us again, then you'll be way more likely to give him lots of money for tons of procedures to "lighten" or "soften" your "age spots."
He may be a doctor but his business is just that: a business.
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