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She didn't tell you because she knows how you feel about it and would try to talk her out of it.
She doesn't have a boyfriend. Maybe she wants a boyfriend...that's more likely. But it's probably just body improvement.
This sort of thing is so common these days. No different than having your teeth whitened or straightened, or hair dyed. I don't understand why a husband would find it so odd and off-putting. Those sorts of changes aren't major things.
I wonder if you resent it because she didn't discuss it with you, or you feel like she might be perking herself up to leave you for someone else.
I don't think this is a big deal at all, and she likely feels the same way. That's because it isn't. A little lipo? Just a few fat cells removed so there's no bulge there where there used to be. A perkier rear end is the butt lift...not a big deal. Same butt ...
I think he SHOULD resent it because she didn't discuss it. People sometimes die during even minor surgery. And she didn't tell him? Joan Rivers was just having an outpatient test on her vocal chords when she was killed. Similar thing happened to my mother. She was having a simple fluid extraction and ended up in an ICU for three weeks near death. Luckily she survived but imagine if no one had even known she was having a medical procedure. Also, there's the issue of where the money came from. Maybe it was "her" money, but what if they have joint accounts?
I think people's bodies are their own and ultimately it would be her decision. But the fact she didn't even discuss this with him seems to indicate a serious communication problem to me. This marriage doesn't seem to be on stable ground. The way I look at it, that's a far more serious issue than what her butt looks like.
I feel you man. My spouse is a little bit- ummm, curvy and she hates how she looks. I think she's gorgeous but does she listen to me? No. Even if I tell her I'm physically attracted to her, she still has a problem with herself. Rarely do women do these things strictly for the benefit of their partners.
I will echo some other posters in saying that in time, her new looks will "settle in" and you will adjust to the new her. Time heals all wounds, as they say. If you truly love her, then this adjustment won't be a problem for you.
If you are mad that she did this behind your back, then tell her. You will have to lie a little though. Say, "You look fabulous, and I'm happy that you're happy, but next time, can we make this decision together?"
My wife wants plastic surgery. However, she would never think about doing it without consulting with me first.
My wife used to have perfect, perky breasts. However, after having a child and breast feeding, she lost them. She wants to get her boobs done, and if it makes her happy, I don't mind her doing it. It's pretty common for moms to get a "mommy makeover" and get work done around here after kids.
But I think the real issue here is that she did this without telling you and completely blindsided you with it. This isn't the sort of thing that one just does without consulting with a partner. I feel like we're not getting the whole story here, because something like this requires money, time to heal, possibly a ride from the hospital... In other words, she had to go to great lengths to keep something like this from you, and it doesn't bode well for the relationship IMO.
Have you sat down with her to discuss why she did it? "Honey, I've noticed some changes about you. So what brought about the changes, and why?" Completely non-judgemental and I think gets to the point right away. If she asks you what do you think, don't answer... simply turn the question back around with "Well, I am not sure what to say at the moment because I am still trying to figure out why you didn't want to discuss this with me before you had it done." Hopefully she'll explain and then you have more information to better phrase your response as what you think (truthfully or not) of her changes.
The weird thing is, these superficial problems greatly diminish when the threat of divorce is on the table. If the OP's wife was threatening divorce, this issue of her body would quickly fade to nothing. When it comes to love, it is better to have and not need, than to have not and be in need.
I'm still in love with her. Just not as physically attracted. If it had been reconstructive, as in accident-related, it would have been a much different story. Everything about this is just off-putting to me.
I definitely don't think she should've made changes to her body without your knowledge and approval.
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