How much of your self confidence is based on your beauty? (guys, product)
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Beauty only gets your foot in the door to success (unless you are model gorgeous and become a top model). It's personality that will connect one to success through career and personal relationships. If you have no personality beauty can become old pretty fast even when you're young.
I could never base my self confidence on my beauty, as I was born with a facial birth defect. Although it was surgically corrected at an early age, it is still somewhat visible. I've always tried to develop my personality and knowledge base instead, preferring to be a well-rounded person instead of a "beauty", which was unachievable anyway. I always had an excellent reputation in my professional life, and I've been pretty happy with my personal life, so I don't think I've done too badly with what I had to work with. I had confidence in my attributes other than beauty, and they've outlasted any beauty I might have had anyway.
Only to a certain point. If a pretty person doesn't have the brains to back up their position, that's as far as they'll go, at least in my profession.
In most cases you're right about beauty only providing the opportunity to demonstrate competence. Mostly true. But that's an opportunity some less attractive person may not get.
It's like relationships. "Looks only get your foot in the door", he said to the person with two broken feet.
And then, great username. My heads exploding a little bit right now.
I was a shy kid, I didn't have many friends and I never thought of myself as pretty. Through middle school (until adolescence stopped beating me with the ugly stick, around 13 years old or so) I envied the prettier girls. I wanted friends. I also envied those kids who had a quick wit and good social abilities. I felt like a total misfit.
And to some degree, no matter how you change, that mindset does sorta stick with you.
Then some things changed. I became good looking enough to be sexually interesting by about 14, and I also developed this "eff 'em if they don't like me" sort of attitude. I got into metal, then goth, channeling those angry, aggressive feelings that people seemed to judge me for all the things I could not be for them. And whaddya know? The minute I stopped giving a damn, people suddenly found me all "mysterious" and wanted to be close to me. I drew a nice little crowd of followers in high school. I would not have called myself "popular" because those were the kids I hated, but I was a sort of dark queen of the misfit kids in a leather trench coat.
Just out of high school, I had little concept of myself as "beautiful." I could pull off spooky, I hated to be called cute, but I could do cute alright, too. Now, when I look back at photos of myself at that age, I think I was beautiful, but I didn't see it then. My ex found me there, and like many young women with shaky self esteem, I fell for an abuser. He told me all the time that I was beautiful, but he also was very controlling and felt threatened by any and all other men. So being desirable for my looks, made me a bad person, and I had fantasies of getting old one day so I could just be treated like a human being, not a prize piece of property, whose sexuality made her inherently bad. I still wanted social contact, but I really went a long way to make myself the cool chick, not the hot chick. I wore baggy clothing, never wore makeup, that kind of thing. Made a lot of friends along the way, and many of them men who really did not treat me like an object of desire, but a person, no matter what my ex thought they must want.
After the breakup, I got into the community I'm in now and found the partner I've got now, that was some 4 years ago. And now, suddenly, for the first time in most of my life, I care about being beautiful, desirable, valued for my looks. Because I want to be attractive to my partner, mainly. And because our relationship is (recently) somewhat open and I'm suddenly unsure of whether I am even of interest to others. It didn't help that I turned 40 this year, and was horribly sick for about a month. But I've recently been getting some really powerful validation from an amazing woman who seems bent on seducing me, so... At the moment I'm pretty happy about being me, and I feel attractive.
Thing is, and here's why I wrote up a freakin' life story here...my concept of my own looks, I don't feel like it's reliable or objective. Yes, my ideas related to my appearance and attractiveness do link up to a lot of other things, but I rely a lot (maybe too much) on what input I get from others, in the shaping of my own identity and how I think of my own appearance. It's like...I cannot really see myself as anyone else does, and how do I know what anyone sees unless they tell me? And I think a lot of that really does get shaped in childhood.
I once knew a woman because she married our lawyer, who was not dumb, but no rocket scientist. Her mother told her to “use the gifts she was given” and not to feel guilty about it, and she did.
She was drop dead beautiful, I mean Michelle Pfeiffer beautiful, and had only a high school education, but she was well spoken, and talked herself into a succession of good jobs. Once she snagged our lawyer, who I’m sure she loved while it lasted, she got chunk of money from a former job that allowed them to buy a venerable house in the most upscale end of town.
The thing about her was, she was incapable of being content. She was never at the finish line. Every accomplishment was just a jumping off point for the next thing. Eventually, they divorced. I think the husband just became too weary of her next thing, and next thing. My point is, even though she seemingly had everything, it was never enough.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts
I once knew a woman because she married our lawyer, who was not dumb, but no rocket scientist. Her mother told her to “use the gifts she was given” and not to feel guilty about it, and she did.
She was drop dead beautiful, I mean Michelle Pfeiffer beautiful, and had only a high school education, but she was well spoken, and talked herself into a succession of good jobs. Once she snagged our lawyer, who I’m sure she loved while it lasted, she got chunk of money from a former job that allowed them to buy a venerable house in the most upscale end of town.
The thing about her was, she was incapable of being content. She was never at the finish line. Every accomplishment was just a jumping off point for the next thing. Eventually, they divorced. I think the husband just became too weary of her next thing, and next thing. My point is, even though she seemingly had everything, it was never enough.
She has some issues! An education & the ability to be independent means everything........so that beauty or money or a man isn't needed for happiness. Beauty on the inside means so much more & lasts a longer, but there is nothing wrong with feeling good about how you look or dress either.
I read that the most successful people exploit their greatest asset. As a woman in my late 20s who have been called pretty, beautiful, model-like and gorgeous by both men and women, I know that I am quite attractive physically.
Being beautiful has been my identity for most of my life. My mother used to tell me that when I was young, family friends and relatives would always comment about how pretty I was. I got lots of comments and positive reinforcement growing up because of my beauty. It gave self-confidence and made my sex life much better because I was confident about my sex appeal and body. My beauty opened up lots of doors socially and professionally.
Because I want to keep my beauty and self-confidence for as many years as possible, I spend a lot of money and time on my physical fitness, hair, makeup and skin treatments. I follow the lateness styles and how to use makeup to my advantage. It seems to work because people still keep talking about my beauty.
Now, if only people liked my personality! (See my other posts)
It can work for you, or it can work against you. Looks-wise, I'm nothing special. I don't plan on going under the knife to change any of that, so I manage what is controllable - so long as it doesn't involve surgery
I focus on "neat". Making sure dress clothes are tailored to fit, sometimes you have to alter jeans just a little bit, too. I always invest in shoes that are nice, not gaudy, but not cheap. I've invested heavily (read: HEAVILY) in my smile, and practice good self-care. That's about it for me.
My self confidence is having *something* to be proud of that makes me look like I have myself together. I could be in a t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers, but if I have a fresh haircut and shave, I feel good about myself.
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Tangent, but not:
I wonder how many people second-guess their achievements, believing they are only gotten by their beauty / assets / other things that people want. They are convinced this is the only reason they land deals, get jobs, and make friends. Enough of us think that about people other than ourselves, but how many believe that's why their own luck seems to be more often in their favor than not?
Most people don't have an entree into a beautiful life. They grew up on the wrong side of town, they lack intelligence, had bad parents, or just bad luck. They will never fulfil their dreams and possible potential.
Me, on the other hand, were given a gift. Extreme physical beauty. It has opened up so many doors for me. It has given me opportunities that few women can dream of. Access to jobs, people, places and things. If only my personality was more normal, I would be in heaven.
Most people don't have an entree into a beautiful life. They grew up on the wrong side of town, they lack intelligence, had bad parents, or just bad luck. They will never fulfil their dreams and possible potential.
Me, on the other hand, were given a gift. Extreme physical beauty. It has opened up so many doors for me. It has given me opportunities that few women can dream of. Access to jobs, people, places and things. If only my personality was more normal, I would be in heaven.
Oh, really? If you're as extremely beautiful () as you say you are, why are you working as an office manager? Hardly a dream job - lol.
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) as you say you are, why are you working as an office manager? Hardly a dream job - lol.