Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
That may be, but I wasn't going to go there either and I will tell you why --- husband, now ex-husband, if I put make up on one day out of the blue, because I felt like doing it, would say "who are you trying to impress"? So ... is there anything a person can do, that other people do not question their motive?
Well, anything anyone does differently, "out of the blue," would attract notice, I would think?
That may be, but I wasn't going to go there either and I will tell you why --- husband, now ex-husband, if I put make up on one day out of the blue, because I felt like doing it, would say "who are you trying to impress"? So ... is there anything a person can do, that other people do not question their motive?
Yeah my Ex used to do that, too. Same if one day I put on nicer clothing. "Who are you getting all dressed up for?" Like some kind of an accusation.
I'd like to go on the record to men everywhere, that if you do this to your wife, there's a good chance she'll internalize the idea that looking good means you think she's a bad person, up to no good, and she might just shut down her sexuality COMPLETELY...at least that's how it went for me. I wound up dressing in baggy clothing that hid my body, and not at all wanting to be attractive or seen as sexually appealing at all ever, by anyone. Including him.
If ya want a cool, "just one of the guys" roommate, rather than a wife...well. That's how you get one of those, I guess.
Well, I DID go there, in one of my first posts. Which I think brings us to this point, that whether a person wants to wear makeup or not, is completely fine and valid...it's the underlying reasons that matter in terms of whether they have some kind of an issue, self esteem or otherwise. Hell, in my case, NOT wearing it was part of a reaction to abuse, as well as being a simple personal choice. Today, I still don't wear it, but not because something inside of me is cringing, expecting to be accused of seeking inappropriate attention from other men...nope, it is simply and totally because I would rather not.
Incidentally, parted ways for over 4 years from my abuser, I now look in the mirror and I think that I am far more beautiful than I ever used to, no matter what I'm wearing or not wearing. Talk about self esteem!
Status:
"It Can't Rain All The Time"
(set 29 days ago)
Location: North Pacific
15,754 posts, read 7,592,007 times
Reputation: 2576
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellis Bell
That may be, but I wasn't going to go there either and I will tell you why --- husband, now ex-husband, if I put make up on one day out of the blue, because I felt like doing it, would say "who are you trying to impress"? So ... is there anything a person can do, that other people do not question their motive?
Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere
Well, anything anyone does differently, "out of the blue," would attract notice, I would think?
Then someone is being manipulated ... but isn't what this is ... ? We have to be a certain way and present ourselves a certain way, in order to get to a certain point? [in my e-xhusband's case, he revealed much about himself; nothing about me] It use to be location, location, location --- now it is, presentation, presentation, presentation. I happen to believe there is more to a person than presentations. You know the saying --- 'beauty is only skin deep'. I've worked for a lot of companies, that once I got in the door, I found out their presentation was bogus and their ethics left a bit to be desired.
I stopped looking a 'makeup' a long time ago. Trying to figure out why people will do what they do, studying on that any length of time will drive a person to the loony bin. Less worries is my motto and anything that will get me close to that, I move toward ...
Well, anything anyone does differently, "out of the blue," would attract notice, I would think?
There is a difference between "attracting notice" and spurring an accusation.
Some days I was fine just being comfortable, once in a while it's nice to dress it up a bit, to look in the mirror and feel lovely, to be happy with what I would see. Nothing quite like looking in my full length mirror and feeling a boost of happiness that I look nice, only to get stepped on with, "Who you getting all dressed up for?"
Myself, until he ruined it. OK no worries, I'll go put on my baggy drabs and hide again. Excuse me while I slink out of the room, hoping you don't see me.
But I don't want to drag the conversation off topic, it's just to say that things like makeup or clothing choices or whatever, just taking some pride and joy in how you look, CAN be little...what, indicators?...to something more. They are not always. But they can be.
Or hell, they can be BIG indicators to more significant things... For some people. For a trans woman who has just committed to being "out" and transitioning publicly, I bet the choice to wear makeup is a pretty damn big deal.
It's not the makeup. It's what's going on in the brain behind the makeup!
Status:
"It Can't Rain All The Time"
(set 29 days ago)
Location: North Pacific
15,754 posts, read 7,592,007 times
Reputation: 2576
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellis Bell
That may be, but I wasn't going to go there either and I will tell you why --- husband, now ex-husband, if I put make up on one day out of the blue, because I felt like doing it, would say "who are you trying to impress"? So ... is there anything a person can do, that other people do not question their motive?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
Yeah my Ex used to do that, too. Same if one day I put on nicer clothing. "Who are you getting all dressed up for?" Like some kind of an accusation.
I'd like to go on the record to men everywhere, that if you do this to your wife, there's a good chance she'll internalize the idea that looking good means you think she's a bad person, up to no good, and she might just shut down her sexuality COMPLETELY...at least that's how it went for me. I wound up dressing in baggy clothing that hid my body, and not at all wanting to be attractive or seen as sexually appealing at all ever, by anyone. Including him.
If ya want a cool, "just one of the guys" roommate, rather than a wife...well. That's how you get one of those, I guess.
Well, I DID go there, in one of my first posts. Which I think brings us to this point, that whether a person wants to wear makeup or not, is completely fine and valid...it's the underlying reasons that matter in terms of whether they have some kind of an issue, self esteem or otherwise. Hell, in my case, NOT wearing it was part of a reaction to abuse, as well as being a simple personal choice. Today, I still don't wear it, but not because something inside of me is cringing, expecting to be accused of seeking inappropriate attention from other men...nope, it is simply and totally because I would rather not.
Incidentally, parted ways for over 4 years from my abuser, I now look in the mirror and I think that I am far more beautiful than I ever used to, no matter what I'm wearing or not wearing. Talk about self esteem!
Right back at you on all points --- I'm enjoying my freedom may be too much. I never did remarry. Not because of the abuse, but because I never want to have the talk, where as, it seems like a person has to ask permission, to change jobs or whatever --- I just can't do it. Other people can --- they can have all those talks and it doesn't bother them.
As for as (a billion dollar industry) fashion goes --- some people love the life, like portrayed in the movie "The Devil Wears Prada", to me it is a personal thing how a person wants to present themselves, to their selves and to the outside world.
Interesting enough, given the right amount of money --- I could fit in that world, [we all could] I can do (for a time) that presentation --- but can they fit (they wouldn't want to) in my world and do my presentation?
We are most confident, where we feel most comfortable.
56 yrs old. Wear makeup daily. CC foundation, lip liner, lipstick, eyeliner, browliner, eye shadow and mascara. All in normally nude tones or natural tones. I like the "natural look" but better.
Prior to 40, I rarely wore makeup. Now that I'm older, I can't leave the house without it. I no longer have eyebrows, and my skin has gotten blotchy over the years. Makeup is my friend!
Well, the post is about wearing makeup or not; not abusive ex-husbands. But we digress!
True. We've digressed a little here and there mostly in discussion of why people do or don't wear makeup.
But it'd be a fairly dull conversation if it were simply a lot of people popping in to say, "yes." "no." and "sometimes." Might just do a poll, if that were all.
Any way, I have a sister that is 4 years older than I am that is a 'dress for success' type of person. The only time she isn't wearing makeup is when she goes to bed. And if she is caught without it on, which is a rare occasion, it's like awkward moment for her. She also won't wear an outfit that costs less than $300.00, because that is the world she is in. She would not be happy in any other world.
.
$300 for an outfit is nothing. Anywhere outside Old Navy or Gap is going to be more than $300.
Decent shoes are $200.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
