How do you dress on a first date so you don't look frumpy but also not sleezy (guys, product)
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On my first dates recently I have been wearing a dress, ballerina flats, and a sweater (since its winter). I think it has been a classy look, lady like, but not sending a message that I'm trampy (no cleavage, heels, figure revealing clothes, etc.).
The last date I was on the guy specified "casual attire please," so while originally I was going to wear a dress, instead I wore jeans and a sweater. I felt a little frumpy, yet also really comfortable, and I also think that made me more relaxed on the date, and I enjoyed it more, as opposed to dressing like I'm going to church.
It might have made him more relaxed too. I was just a normal woman he was hanging out with, instead of having this intimidating dressed up look, in a churchy dress.
Do you think one way is better?
I notice my personality changes a little too, depending on what I wear. In a dress I feel more reserved, it all feels more formal, its harder to relax and have fun, and that also crosses over into how the guy behaves on the date (less relaxed).
I also don't want to wear tight revealing clothes (though if I can say so myself I have a pretty nice figure I could really show off it I wanted to), because I don't want to send a certain message, that I am open for a hook up or ONS. Though I am hoping the guy notices my figure despite the jeans and sweater, though I am not trying to advertise it in his face either. But I am pretty sure guys have their eyes open to this stuff and will notice, regardless. When I excuse myself and walk to the restroom, I am pretty sure he's checking out my booty.
Any advice about what to wear on the first date? How to toe the line between advertising your assets, while not looking like you want a ONS, and not looking frumpy, and not looking overdressed which makes the whole situation kind of stiff?
I never wear a dress on first date. Or a second date for the matter. I would never wear a dress. It would depend on what you’re doing. If it was an adventure outdoors, dress accordingly. I never thought of jeans as frumpy, unless the waist is at the belly button level. I think a certain level of comfort would be fine.
I guess I'm probably more old school than I realized, but I'd opt for more toward less showy than more showy on the skin front. In terms of sytle of dress, jeans level casual is fine with me. Back in the olden times when we had offices to go to, I'd dress in dress slacks and nice button up shirt and shoes that hurt.
I'm a goatee having long haired metal head jeans and T shirts kind of guy in my real life . I just play a corporate lackey during the week.
I think the idea of just straight out asking to find out what the dress "code" is is probably the best approach.
This is such a personal, individual thing. My thought is do what feels right. If a person is in tune with you, agrees with your personality, likes your character, I’m sure he will be delighted.
I'm really trying to read between the lines. You are a grown-a$$ woman - you can wear what you want. Even I trust you to know the difference between a casual dress and a trampy dress - do you really not know the difference? Up until recently you seemed very reasonable and intelligent...
Are you THAT unsure or afraid of what men will think of you? Do you not have words to let them know if they read your outfit wrongly and come on too strong (this can happen no matter WHAT you wear, btw). I see nothing wrong with wearing a casual non-church-going dress. When the one guy stressed casual then sure, jeans with a cute top is fine, you could dress it up with ankle boots or down with tennis shoes...whatever. But you KNOW how to do this - you're in your 40's.
What has gotten into you these last couple months that you are doubting yourself so much? You need to understand that a "bad" date has little to do with you personally and much more to do with how the TWO of you hit it off. Do not put your self-esteem in one basket along with the last guy you happened to go out with. Yeah - stay a tiny bit detached so you can evaluate and learn without getting so caught up in what to wear, what to say, how long to wait between texts or calls, etc. There is nothing about dating that is life-shartteringly important so calm down and try to enjoy it or at least to learn something about yourself.
Type of attire certainly does NOT affect my personality...it really shouldn't. One should be able to wear a formal dress & be exactly the same as in a t-shirt & jeans. Society or whoever seems to think fancy means quiet & demure while t-shirt & jeans for example is the boisterous, fun, loud type. Well, NOT me. I'm just as classy no matter what & I'm not a loud-talking or loud-laughing type anyway...nor more yakity-*** the more casual.
I agree w/ some of what SD4020, dcfas, himain, & reneeh63 said.
But, here's some first date ideas for the type of outfits I think would fall into certain categories:
Regarding DRESSES, I think these are nice & sexy enough without being sleazy:
I'm really trying to read between the lines. You are a grown-a$$ woman - you can wear what you want. Even I trust you to know the difference between a casual dress and a trampy dress - do you really not know the difference? Up until recently you seemed very reasonable and intelligent...
Are you THAT unsure or afraid of what men will think of you? Do you not have words to let them know if they read your outfit wrongly and come on too strong (this can happen no matter WHAT you wear, btw). I see nothing wrong with wearing a casual non-church-going dress. When the one guy stressed casual then sure, jeans with a cute top is fine, you could dress it up with ankle boots or down with tennis shoes...whatever. But you KNOW how to do this - you're in your 40's.
What has gotten into you these last couple months that you are doubting yourself so much? You need to understand that a "bad" date has little to do with you personally and much more to do with how the TWO of you hit it off. Do not put your self-esteem in one basket along with the last guy you happened to go out with. Yeah - stay a tiny bit detached so you can evaluate and learn without getting so caught up in what to wear, what to say, how long to wait between texts or calls, etc. There is nothing about dating that is life-shartteringly important so calm down and try to enjoy it or at least to learn something about yourself.
Just because I'm pondering things and posting threads doesn't mean I'm doubting myself. Its just something to talk about. If I post a thread it doesn't mean I'm having some existential crisis and imploring the good people of CD to talk me off the ledge. Dude.. its just something to talk about.
I am interested in what other people usually wear on their dates.
Any casual dress to me is a churchy dress. I am talking about maxi dresses since at my age, miniskirts aren't really an option.
Back in my early 30s I used to wear pencil skirts and that worked well, but I need to lose a few pounds before I can do that again, and I am on a diet, so hopefully can soon.
I also used to wear long skirts with a long side slit, along with a sexy top, though again not too much cleavage or figure revealing, because I also don't want to look like an escort. That worked well too. I might go for that look again. With kitten heels. Any heel length above a couple inches might come off a bit trampy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Forever Blue
OK, here's some ideas for the type of outfits I think would fall into certain categories:
Regarding DRESSES, I think these are nice & sexy enough without being sleazy:
On my first dates recently I have been wearing a dress, ballerina flats, and a sweater (since its winter). I think it has been a classy look, lady like, but not sending a message that I'm trampy (no cleavage, heels, figure revealing clothes, etc.).
The last date I was on the guy specified "casual attire please," so while originally I was going to wear a dress, instead I wore jeans and a sweater. I felt a little frumpy, yet also really comfortable, and I also think that made me more relaxed on the date, and I enjoyed it more, as opposed to dressing like I'm going to church.
It might have made him more relaxed too. I was just a normal woman he was hanging out with, instead of having this intimidating dressed up look, in a churchy dress.
Do you think one way is better?
I notice my personality changes a little too, depending on what I wear. In a dress I feel more reserved, it all feels more formal, its harder to relax and have fun, and that also crosses over into how the guy behaves on the date (less relaxed).
I also don't want to wear tight revealing clothes (though if I can say so myself I have a pretty nice figure I could really show off it I wanted to), because I don't want to send a certain message, that I am open for a hook up or ONS. Though I am hoping the guy notices my figure despite the jeans and sweater, though I am not trying to advertise it in his face either. But I am pretty sure guys have their eyes open to this stuff and will notice, regardless. When I excuse myself and walk to the restroom, I am pretty sure he's checking out my booty.
Any advice about what to wear on the first date? How to toe the line between advertising your assets, while not looking like you want a ONS, and not looking frumpy, and not looking overdressed which makes the whole situation kind of stiff?
When a man invites you on a date, don't you ask him WHERE you're going and/or WHAT you're doing?
When a man invites you on a date, don't you ask him WHERE you're going and/or WHAT you're doing?
Of course, but it would be exceptionally rare that a place we are going is soooo fancy that jeans wouldn't be allowed. Its not like we would ever go to places with a formal dress code.
So its up to my discretion. Jeans or maxi dress.
I feel more comfortable and relaxed in jeans (but maybe frumpy or not sexy enough?). But look more lady like in a dress. Look trampy if I flaunt my figure too much with sexy dress and high heels...?
What do you wear? On your bowling and pizza dates, what would you wear?
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. I just play a corporate lackey during the week. 
