[CampingMom]

Good evening,

One of my kids moved to FL to get away from the riff raff in our area of Upstate NY. That being said, child (23 years old to clarify) has a misdemeanor on the record. We had child arrested after drug use got so bad, we caught the child stealing. We attempted to get the judge, DA, probation officer to mandate child to long term rehab-we'd foot the bill. Nope, judge for a first offense sent child to county jail for a year, didn't get child clean. Finally child had enough and did do rehab. Clean and sober since last January. So that's now following the chances for child to get a job. Child was leaving on December 15th after two months of being turned down for work.

Child has been renting a room in a mobile home. The "landlord" moved a friend in with a child. There's been issues for weeks with that-CPS keeps showing up there and there are now 8 people living in a two bedroom home. Along with the power being cut for two weeks due the the other tenant not paying the bill. Already we get the sense this was a set up and told said child to get out of there, didn't need those headaches. Head back North.

So said child went out one evening. When pulling back into driveway, a neighbor who never had said two words before, drove over on a golf cart screaming at my child with another woman in the cart. The second woman jumped out of the cart and started toward my child with raised hands. My child shoved her away-this occured on the property of the mobile home. The person fell down in the grass. My child got back in the car to back away and come home later. They called the police. My child was charged with abuse of a elderly person(she's actually 58). And attempted assault with a vehicle. Taken to jail on 10K bond. We were floord with the call at 3am!

Now, told said child never should hand come up. Self defense won't give her a leg to stand on. Hired an attorney because we found out the elder abuse is for 65 and up. This woman has a rap sheet as long as Florida. From drug possession, DWI, Menacing, disturbance of the peace etc. The judge wouldn't drop the bail either. We hired an attorney as theirs too many holes in the story.

Here's a 23 year old, who now will be homeless in a week. Can't leave FL due to pending court and a high bond. Just as things were starting to come around-no longer using is huge and being sober for close to a year even better. We are a upper middle class household. Child played field hockey and was captain, varsity golf too. Just as it was getting better, now this.

What can we expect to possibly happen? Took the anger management class this past weekend. Court now isn't until February. Has been clean and sober for year. But will lose where has been staying due to court. Any suggestions? Not a bad kid at all. We are talking Girl Scouts, varsity sports, travel team, etc material. Not a angel by any means, but deserves better than this. How would you handle this?

[markjames68]

Tough call. However, "child" is no longer a child, being 23. Old enough to man up.

If you are "upper middle class" then you might as well foot a long-stay hotel until the court case is over. If he can't hack it then wash your hands.

I don't understand why he moved to Florida with a criminal record and no experience. What did he expect to do? Find the land of milk and honey?

[CampingMom]

Originally Posted by markjames68

Tough call. However, "child" is no longer a child, being 23. Old enough to man up.

If you are "upper middle class" then you might as well foot a long-stay hotel until the court case is over. If he can't hack it then wash your hands.

I don't understand why he moved to Florida with a criminal record and no experience. What did he expect to do? Find the land of milk and honey?

It's not a he-it's a she. And I used "child" to show difference. But once a child, always your child. You don't say "I have a adult" when talking about you kids.

Not upper middle class at all, blue collar all the way and work hard for everything we have, no handouts. Anytime someone hears NY-they automatically assume welfare rolls here. Nope,never. Even when I lost a job, I did everything I could to earn 10hr!

My health insurance would pay for the rehab. I'd have also taken out a equity loan to get her clean and sober. Anything it would take, not to see another heroin death.

We have family in FL-ie Grandmother lives there. Was trying to start anew. New friends, new life, new job, new outlook. Desperately trying to find anything. She was never a bad person, just bad choices with drugs. It happens in the best of families or worst. I bet you know a few, there's no escaping it.

We are still angry at the judge here. We were told by the police this is what we had to do to save her life-at 19 would you have wanted to possibly bury your child to addiction? To have a judge mandate the rehab, no walking out and signing yourself out if it was mandated. NY state keeps people on purpose using their facilites-jails-becacause no one is beating down the door to get in, but when the last person leaves, turn out the light.

[BNBR]

Obviously "child" needs to come back home with you. I feel for you, but generally these "good" children are a lost cause unless they have close parental supervision and guidance, constantly. I've seen it plenty of times, even a little bit in my family. It's always the girls, too, wild.

Can she come home with you then return to Florida for court? If you think your "good" girl is turning her life around, while living in a trailer with 8 people.... you are as lost as she is. Get her home and guide her, or give up. Your choice.

[beckerd2]

This is the wrong place to try to get advice. Go to this website
Helpline - Partnership for Drug-Free Kids


There are professionals there that can help you with your problem.




From what you've described...you need to do "tough love" and stop enabling her but that is just my opinion and probably "Dr. Phil's" as well. You can probably try to get his advice on this.

[markjames68]

Originally Posted by BNBR

Can she come home with you then return to Florida for court? If you think your "good" girl is turning her life around, while living in a trailer with 8 people.... you are as lost as she is. Get her home and guide her, or give up. Your choice.

Exactly. There are choices - supervision and continued parenting or cutting her loose. Enablement isn't a good option nor is sugar-coating the situation. If she's trying to kick heroin then she will need - for YEARS - to stop associating with bad influences. And even then it'll be really, really hard.

[bbronston]

I can't really help with answering your question but my daughter works for United Way and they have a 2-1-1 helpline that connects people to agencies and organizations that provide social services and assistance. I am fortunate to have no first-hand experience with these things (and I know I am fortunate) so I can't say with certainty that they can help but I think you should tell your daughter to try calling them. It can't hurt.

[02blackgt]

I'm sorry to say this but there is probably a lot more to the story than you are being told. Florida is a huge haven for prescription drug abuse and 8 people living in a trailer but yet not affording electricity is a red flag. How could 8 people who are clean and sober not afford electricity? Lifestyles like this simply attract drama and that seems to be what happened.

[cfbs2691]

Originally Posted by 02blackgt

I'm sorry to say this but there is probably a lot more to the story than you are being told. Florida is a huge haven for prescription drug abuse and 8 people living in a trailer but yet not affording electricity is a red flag. How could 8 people who are clean and sober not afford electricity? Lifestyles like this simply attract drama and that seems to be what happened.

Agree

Florida is the last place anyone with any kind of drug or alcohol issues should be living.

[Trigger-f]

Originally Posted by 02blackgt

I'm sorry to say this but there is probably a lot more to the story than you are being told. Florida is a huge haven for prescription drug abuse and 8 people living in a trailer but yet not affording electricity is a red flag. How could 8 people who are clean and sober not afford electricity? Lifestyles like this simply attract drama and that seems to be what happened.

It's all over, not just FL. But people like to take lots of mileage on FL for the usual reasons.

Watch Drugs Inc on Discovery channel some time. There's 25 million full time drug users in this country. Now, imagine the total # for part timers..you get the idea.