[nicsma2002]

Anyone out there done this? We are thinking about it. I'd like to hear from some parents who have done a state adoption - what was your experience like? You can DM me if you prefer. Thanks!

[Lilybeans]

What do you mean?

[nicsma2002]

I mean adopting a child who is in the state system.

[BioAdoptMom3]

We adopted our DD through the state foster care system. She came to us as a newborn almost nine years ago. At first we just tried to adopt as we were willing to take a child a little older who needed a home. We had two boys and not only did we want a DD, but they wanted a sister. We had to take 30 clock hours worth of classes which really were not bad at all. A worker then came out to do a home study for adoption. The classes cover both adoption and foster care. We realized over the next year that it is very difficult to do a straight state adoption unless you are willing to take an older child (over 10), a child who has severe emotional, behavior, medical or mental issues or who is part of a sibling group. If you are willing to take a sibling group of three and do not care about race and ages, your journey will be much easier. We wanted a daughter who was under the age of 6, didn't care about race but weren't willing to take a sibling group (not enough room here for four kids) or a child with severe problems. It wouldn't have been fair to the child as we both work full time for financial reasons. We ended up going into foster care after realizing that the majority of the very young ones who become adoptable are scooped up by their foster parents, which is certainly the way it should be. It was a long, emotional roller coaster ride and we had to send several babies off to relatives and such, but I would do it again in a heartbeat for our DD. I think the biggest problem is the fact that you are working with the state government, so you have a lot of red tape, a lot of paperwork, overworked and underpaid case workers and the list goes on. Feel free to PM me if you want more information.

Nancy

[nicsma2002]

Thanks for this great info. Your experience makes me feel like this is do-able. We expect challenges as you describe, but we're a tenacious family. We're really hoping for a child 2-4 years old, not a newborn. I thought that would be considered an "older" child, but you say 10 is, so maybe that will be more difficult. We already have a bio 5 y.o., so we can't have anyone older than that. We would love to take a sibling group but we're already cramped in our tiny house. I don't know if they have a square footage per person formula they follow; guess I'll find out once we start talking to a caseworker. We don't care about race or a mild medical condition, but our main concern is a child who does not have emotional, behavioral, or mental health issues. That alone may be a tall order. We realize we may also have to go the fostering route at first. Would prefer to do a straight adoption but are willing to foster if needed. We're prepared for red tape and overworked/underpaid case workers, etc. Thanks for your response; we're really excited and hope we also have a good experience.

Originally Posted by BioAdoptMom3

We adopted our DD through the state foster care system. She came to us as a newborn almost nine years ago. At first we just tried to adopt as we were willing to take a child a little older who needed a home. We had two boys and not only did we want a DD, but they wanted a sister. We had to take 30 clock hours worth of classes which really were not bad at all. A worker then came out to do a home study for adoption. The classes cover both adoption and foster care. We realized over the next year that it is very difficult to do a straight state adoption unless you are willing to take an older child (over 10), a child who has severe emotional, behavior, medical or mental issues or who is part of a sibling group. If you are willing to take a sibling group of three and do not care about race and ages, your journey will be much easier. We wanted a daughter who was under the age of 6, didn't care about race but weren't willing to take a sibling group (not enough room here for four kids) or a child with severe problems. It wouldn't have been fair to the child as we both work full time for financial reasons. We ended up going into foster care after realizing that the majority of the very young ones who become adoptable are scooped up by their foster parents, which is certainly the way it should be. It was a long, emotional roller coaster ride and we had to send several babies off to relatives and such, but I would do it again in a heartbeat for our DD. I think the biggest problem is the fact that you are working with the state government, so you have a lot of red tape, a lot of paperwork, overworked and underpaid case workers and the list goes on. Feel free to PM me if you want more information.

Nancy

[Retiredcoach]

I have family members who are going through the pre-adoptive trainings in preparation of adopting an older child in the state network of Pennsylvania. There is a national site of children available for adoption at: AdoptUsKids - Children In Foster Care Awaiting Adoption. Not sure if you have visited this site before, but this might give you an overall insight of the children available nationwide.

This is not a process for the feint of heart. Virtually every parent (yes, singles as well) is searching for the "baby" that you desire. A child who is under the age of five who does not have a significant (or yet to be diagnosed) serious emotional or physical disability will not be difficult to place. In other words, there is a list of waiting adoptive parents, who have been on a child welfare waiting list to adopt, for years. Your name will be added, if your family meets the required criteria, but your wait could entail many years. Your chances will increase of adopting a child of five years or less, however, if the child has a more pronounced disability, is a member of a sibling group, and/or is biracial or black. In most instances, you will be asked to serve as a foster parent first, but please understand, you will not be guaranteed that the court will terminate parent rights. You will be asked to consider open adoption, as well. The red tape is long, and the disappointments can be burdensome on both your family and you. Regardless, your story could have a happy ending. The very best of luck.

[BioAdoptMom3]

You thought like we did at first, that a four or five year old was considered an older child. Actually I believe FL defines an older child as one over eight, but that is still older than what you are wanting to adopt. I just wanted to make you that you also knew in the state of FL if you are the foster parents of a child whose parental rights are terminated, you have an approved home study (you can get that done right after taking the classes) and no relatives are waiting for the child, you have the first choice to adopt the child. I wanted also to add that you will need to do some things in addition to taking the classes and having the home study if you want to foster. You will need a foster license, which is not hard to get, but requires things like medicines locked up, a fire escape route posted in the house, updated fire extinguishers, smoke alarms, fences or a locked door around a pool if you have one, plus a certificate which says you passed a swim test (all we had to do was swim across a public pool once), etc. You may want to go ahead now and get your fingerprints and background check done (unless you both already have it done for your jobs or something like that) as that has to be done for both foster care and adoption and is usually what takes the longest. If you do it now it may be done by the time you complete the classes and you'll be way ahead of the game.

Nancy

[Retiredcoach]

[quote=BioAdoptMom3;4433360] I just wanted to make you that you also knew in the state of FL if you are the foster parents of a child whose parental rights are terminated, you have an approved home study (you can get that done right after taking the classes) and no relatives are waiting for the child, you have the first choice to adopt the child.

Overall, Nancy, your advice is most knowledgeable and sound. I would advise the poster that there are no guarantees, however. The national foster care system is vastly overcrowded with children awaiting foster homes. Too often, promises are made to parents, who are looking to adopt, that their foster child will eventually become "adoption eligible". No one can truly make this promise (there are so many variables that need to be addressed first), and if they do, they should not be trusted.

[BioAdoptMom3]

That is true and boy oh boy do I know that, but I probably should have made it more clear that I meant, once the parents have already lost their rights and no relatives are wanting the child. As long as the child is in your home already and all of the above criteria has been met, including you having an approved home study, here in FL, unless they have a specific reason for not doing that, they do have to offer adoption to you first. And you are right that there are never any guarantees until it is done.

Nancy

[nicsma2002]

Retiredcoach - We have started with AdoptUSKids.com and are going over their paperwork. We'd be happy to take a biracial/black child, a child with mild medical problem or learning disability, and a sibling group if they let us. Those are the things going in our favor, although our house is so small, I don't know if they'd allow us to adopt more than one child. On the other hand, I realize the age range we're looking for and the "no emotional/behavioral/mental health issues" thing could make things difficult. Thanks for the reality check.

Bioadoptmom3 - I did not know about the foster license or swim test, but this doesn't sound so hard. We are teachers so we already have our background checks & fingerprints done. I appreciate all the great info!

You both have been very helpful. Thanks for everything.