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Hey, George, you sound like my type of guest! Want to come to Lawrenceville for dinner?
Wilson, your thank you note is perfect. Elegant in its simplicity. That's all that's needed.
And I guess that's my point. If I can take hours to make a meal, clean up, and socialize inbetween, I just can't understand why people can't take that 20 seconds to send off a note like that (e-mail is fine).
Quote:
Originally Posted by elnina
There was a time when manners and etiquette were not only taught daily, they were expected of everyone. Unfortunately this is not the case any more. Nowadays lots of people think that etiquette and manners are obsolete and archaic.
This is so true. My wife and I have noticed that the brides are not even sending thank you's for shower gift and even one for a wedding present. Its really deplorable that children are not taught these basics. I weep for the future.
Hey, George, you sound like my type of guest! Want to come to Lawrenceville for dinner?
<sets my GPS>
Do people forget how much time and effort goes into hosting a dinner party? Even if someone just purchased everything pre-made, it does take thought and effort.
Not that I have people over for dinner to receive a thank you note or for it to be reciprocated, but I am amazed at people who don't reciprocate.
There was a time when manners and etiquette were not only taught daily, they were expected of everyone. Unfortunately this is not the case any more. Nowadays lots of people think that etiquette and manners are obsolete and archaic.
I wholeheartedly agree. It really saddens me that so many children nowadays are not taught proper etiquette and manners.
While it would be (most) polite to send a card or similar, I don't need to be thanked more than three times. Most or all bring some sort of host/hostess gift. Everyone comments on the meal or some aspect of it. On the way out, everyone thanks the hosts for the meal and the pleasure of good company. It's enough for me.
I agree with those who would send at least an e-mail thank you to the hostess. I understand what the OP means - I gave my nephew and his wife a couple of very nice housewarming gifts and I thought they would at least acknowledge them with a quick phone call or e-mail and was quite surprised when they didn't.
DH and I do enjoy cooking for friends and don't even expect/demand reciprocation since some don't know or don't enjoy cooking. And a couple of these friends have always been too clueless to send an e-mail afterwards to thank us.
But within the past six months, even those who used to call or send an e-mail have stopped doing so! Has this practice really become obsolete? Are people really so busy that they can't take one minute to send off a quick two sentence e-mail?
Of course everyone thanks us as they are leaving. And most bring wine or dessert. But we had two elderly neighbors come for dinner for the second time. The first time they each brought something and called us afterwards. The next time, nothing was brought and there was no follow-up call.
I know what my choices are: either suck it up and just focus on the pleasure of their company and my ability/energy/interest in cooking or stop doing it if it bugs me that much. But I'm just curious as to what other peoples' guests do or don't do...
Most of the people we have for dinner either bring wine or something, unless they are family members and even they do sometimes. As for afterwards thank yous, sometimes yes, sometimes no. Again it depends on how good of friends they are. We had the worst a few months ago: friends came for a visit, stayed 3 plus days, never helped even stack dishes and we never got a thank you of any kind. They come every year and seem to stay one day longer each time. I think we will be out of town next year.
If someone says the words "thank you" to me, there is no reason for me to expect a thank you card or an email. I do agree however that if you are thrown a bridal shower or semi-formal party of the sort where you receive gifts, you should send thank you cards. Just saying the words are enough for a dinner in my opinion.
If someone says the words "thank you" to me, there is no reason for me to expect a thank you card or an email. I do agree however that if you are thrown a bridal shower or semi-formal party of the sort where you receive gifts, you should send thank you cards. Just saying the words are enough for a dinner in my opinion.
Ditto.
My sister-inlaw used to send a thank you note after she married my brother. It actually used to **** me off. Why a thank you after the thank you and assistance in cleaning up afterward? It seemed so impersonel. Then I realized, even now, 20+ years later, she still can't cook, and didn't have good meals growing up, that it was/is a big deal for her. But she has stopped with the notes.
And maybe 5-7 people I know have my email address. I hate getting all those supposed funny things with attachments. They're not funny and I don't want all you & your friend's SPAM-thank you very much.
A hug & a thanks is enough for me, as long as I can send you home with a doggie bag...and bring me back my container, or bring your own.
A verbal thanks is enough for me. I invite people over for dinner because I like them and enjoy their company, not because I expect a hostess gift and a thank you card, or to even help me out with the dishes. Preparing the dinner, presenting the dinner and cleaning up after dinner, is in my opinion, the responability of the host, not the guest. In my culture we are not expected to bring anything except ourselves to dinner, and it is reciprocated in the same way. But in the American culture, I've noticed people say they don't expect hostess gifts or thank you cards, yet they want guests to show appriciation for the slave work they did, So when a hostess gift or a thank you card is not received, they take it as on insult, than there's no repeat invitation, or perhaps a second chance might be given. If you think people need to be greatful to you for going through all the trouble of preparing a dinner for them, than why invite them? Shouldn't their presence be enough?
I realize not everyone does personal thank you notes anymore, but I think my mother's influence is too strong with me! If I am invited to someone's house, even someone close, I always write a handwritten thank you note afterwards. In addition, I always bring a hostess gift.
Now, that being said, most people I know do not do this at all. I do not get upset at this and figure it's a sign of the times. However, it will not change my actions or what I teach my daughter to do. I do miss the etiquette that seems to be lacking in our everyday life but I do not judge those that do not participate. I just figure they didn't have a Southern mother like me!
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