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OP, it's time for the come-to-Jesus meeting. You need to lay it all out there.
1) I am not your slave, your mother, your housekeeper, or your cook. Also, this is not the 1600s. I the 21st century you do not get to treat your wife like this.
2) In this house, from now on, we divide up chores like adults do. (see #1)
3) In this house, from now on, if I cook the food, you either eat what I cook, go hungry, or feed yourself. There will be no complaining about the food. If you cook, you clean up after yourself.
4) These are not "tyrannical" rules. These are rules that married adults follow.
5) As adults we all do things we don't like to do. Adults do them without whining or complaining. If you feel like whining or complaining, think that you are setting an example for your son.
If you feel you can't live under these conditions, the door is to your left. Please leave half your community property as you go.
OP, it's unfortunate that your husband has got this far in life without anyone ever standing up to him. But someone needs to do it, and it looks like you are in line for the job.
By the way, I am a middle aged man, married for 30 years. Neither my wife nor my mother nor my grandmother would have put up with the nonsense you are describing, for a minute. When my mother remarried, she has told me a few times when she had to lay down the law. In that case, my stepfather realized how things were going to be, and they were successfully married for 30 years until they both passed away.
Reasonable rules, but the husband is not reasonable. I frankly am worried about her safety having read this thread. His behavior is emotionally abusive and she is physically vulnerable. If he escalates...
OP, this isn't a food issue. This is a marriage issue. If there is any possible way to do so, get yourself to a therapist of some kind and discuss this with them. I think at the very least you need marriage counseling (especially with a baby on the way). And frankly, my opinion is that you need to take your son and get the heck away from this guy. I've seen the way my male buddies treat their pregnant wives, and your husband's behavior is alarming to me.
Reasonable rules, but the husband is not reasonable. I frankly am worried about her safety having read this thread. His behavior is emotionally abusive and she is physically vulnerable. If he escalates...
OP, this isn't a food issue. This is a marriage issue. If there is any possible way to do so, get yourself to a therapist of some kind and discuss this with them. I think at the very least you need marriage counseling (especially with a baby on the way). And frankly, my opinion is that you need to take your son and get the heck away from this guy. I've seen the way my male buddies treat their pregnant wives, and your husband's behavior is alarming to me.
I don't think we should just immediately assume that there is any abusive intent here, until the OP indicates that there is anything other than petulant spoiled-baby behavior. From the sound of it my take-away was that no one ever said "no" to the spoiled baby, and so when he doesn't get 100% of his way he pouts, whines, and complains. If you nip this nonsense in the bud right freaking now, it may very well just end up nipped in the bud.
Bacon (properly cooked) and mashed potatoes (plain; just butter. no additional junk in it): there's no living thing in the whole world that won't eat those two things. Until I was 7 (when fried eggs were added) it was all I would eat.
I don't. But many people will eat that.
I don't eat bacon at all. Mashed potatoes are one of the "white foods," - high glycemic & fattening. That's not a healthy meal at all. I wouldn't give it to my dog, either, except just a small bite. It would make her sick... too rich and high fat.
It is amazing the number of people who have not read the thread and are responding with, "His mom may have spoiled and catered to him," "Talk to his mom and see how to cook for him," "Make the dishes his mom made," etc.
The thread was 12 pages long when I posted. I read a few replies, and once people started bashing the husband and suggesting that she divorce him, I decided that I wanted to add some more constructive suggestions, considering that the OP said nothing about wanting to leave her husband because he would not eat her cooking. It's perfectly reasonable that he might like the kind of food his mother prepared, and that his wife might have more success serving him what is familiar to him.
I know a man who, literally, will not eat anything new to him. He stopped developing his palate in his teens, probably, and if he had not eaten something at his mother's table, he isn't going to eat it as an adult for the first time. His parents are transplanted black southerners, so he will eat anything that might be categorized as "soul food"; he will eat pork, beef, and chicken, barbecued or simply prepared (nothing "fancy" or "ethnic"); he will eat American fast food and some regional specialties that he grew up eating; he will eat fried fish; he will pizza and Chinese food, because those were the only restaurant foods served as "takeout" when he was a kid. He will not try Thai food; he will not eat sushi; he will not eat Indian food; he will not even eat chicken if he has never had whatever herb or spice is used to flavor it. I have been in his kitchen, and the only seasonings he cooks with are salt, pepper, Lawry's Seasoning Salt, and BBQ Sauce. The only place one can take him for a special dinner out is to a steak house. On the adventurous scale, his palate is a ZERO, and I'm convinced that his taste buds must have died from neglect decades ago.
The OP's description of her husband reminds me of my friend, who also gets annoyed when people try to feed him foods he won't eat. Personally, I think it is a very deprived way to live, but people are who they are, and some are unwilling to step out of their comfort zone. If we love them, we have to work around it.
The thread was 12 pages long when I posted. I read a few replies, and once people started bashing the husband and suggesting that she divorce him, I decided that I wanted to add some more constructive suggestions, considering that the OP said nothing about wanting to leave her husband because he would not eat her cooking. It's perfectly reasonable that he might like the kind of food his mother prepared, and that his wife might have more success serving him what is familiar to him.
I know a man who, literally, will not eat anything new to him. He stopped developing his palate in his teens, probably, and if he had not eaten something at his mother's table, he isn't going to eat it as an adult for the first time. His parents are transplanted black southerners, so he will eat anything that might be categorized as "soul food"; he will eat pork, beef, and chicken, barbecued or simply prepared (nothing "fancy" or "ethnic"); he will eat American fast food; he will eat fried fish; he will pizza and Chinese food, because those were the only restaurant foods served as "takeout" when he was a kid. He will not try Thai food; he will not eat sushi; he will not eat Indian food; he will not even eat chicken if he has never had whatever herb or spice is used to flavor it. I have been in his kitchen, and the only seasonings he cooks with are salt, pepper, Lawry's Seasoning Salt, and BBQ Sauce. The only place one can take him for a special dinner out is to a steak house. On the adventurous scale, his palate is a ZERO, and I'm convinced that his taste buds must have died from neglect decades ago.
The OP's description of her husband reminds me of my friend, who also gets annoyed when people try to feed him foods he won't eat. Personally, I think it is a very deprived way to live, but people are who they are, and some are unwilling to change. If we love them, we have to work around it.
The person you describe is very rigid and close-minded. I had a psychology professor once say that some people "foreclose early." Food is probably not the only thing he is close-minded about.
The person you describe is very rigid and close-minded. I had a psychology professor once say that some people "foreclose early." Food is probably not the only thing he is close-minded about.
I was going to cook him jumbo sausages and bread and ketchup.. something quick, but because he was late i started cooking a lovely couscous with merguez and chicken instead, it takes a long time, it's all homemade (my grandmother recipe)
So when he came back home, i was busy chopping the veggies with the help of our little man, and ask him, to cook his own sausages, he said he didn't know how, so i insisted telling him i was busy, i'll show you, he then said fine, in an unhappy tone, i'll do it then, i was about to show him, when he said, i know how to do it, i just didn't want to do it, what do you think i'm stupid or what? I was chocked the way he talked to me and his "revelation" he does know how to cook he is just lazy! And want someone to do it for him! I then asked him why was he lying? He said of course i know how to cook this, i'm Not stupid, i lived with my mother who was always making late dinner and was a bad cook so of course i know how to cook.... i was upset, he was just using me all this time!
So tonight no dinner for him too! He knows how to cook, great, he can cook then! And tomorrow i'll have my couscous, i won't make anything else, if he not happy he can fix his own dinner! Because he knows how to cook!
Unfortunately he knows how to be a pR!c% too, and he's better at that than cooking.
Box of Cheerios. Directions to the nearest Costco and $1.50 for his hot dog. More than he deserves.
This guy is abusive and it seems you're codepending all over him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626
How long did you date before you married him?
How long have you been married that you did not know that he really could cook and was just trying to trick you with his mind games?
Didn't he ever cook any meals for you while you were dating? Or did he always take you to restaurants for meals? Or did he make you cook while you were dating?
What a jerk.
PS. So he really does know how to make hot dogs on a baguette/bun.
Hot dogs. Mmm mmm mmm!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by SFSGood
I'd get him a gift certificate at Kroger's and go nightclubbing for change of pace. And partner.
Bwaaa haa haaa!! AMEN.
Quote:
Originally Posted by VTsnowbird
As Fran Leibowitz said, "Never ask a child what he wants to eat, unless he is paying for it."
Fershur.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shooting Stars
OP, you've mentioned several times about your husband complaining about the "texture" of certain foods.
He may have a sensory processing disorder. I have a wonderful niece who has a very limited diet because she is overly sensitive to food textures.
So your husband being so picky isn't something he can help if he has this disorder. However, he can help his lousy attitude and expectation that the entire household must cater to his limitations. He definitely needs to step up and take responsibility for feeding himself. He can't expect you to figure it out by reading his mind.
I agree, he needs to see a doctor. Whether it's palate, tummy, or head doc remains to be seen.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801
I think what's missing here is that NO MATTER WHAT she cooked, he isn't going to like that.
I was married to a version of him.
He said he liked the Good Seasons Italian dressing that you make with the packet + vinegar and oil, so I bought it. Made the dressing. He complained that it wasn't zesty enough.
The next time, I bought the Zesty Good Seasons Italian dressing. He tasted it and said, "Why did you buy this dressing? It's too zesty!" I am not making this up.
What I made didn't matter. What mattered was that he felt his wife was someone he could be nasty as hell to. I think the OP has one of that kind, too. It will not always be about the food. It will expand into other areas of their lives.
OP, I suggest you watch this scene from the movie "Prince of Tides". It's only a little over two minutes.
I realize you care about him but the truth is...this is half your doing. You've enabled this behavior. I doubt anything you do will be to his liking since his needs are obviously more important than yours. Stand up for yourself. Tell him if he doesn't like the food then he can cook.
Just to clarified no he is not violent, he is really gentle with me, he often ask me how I feel, ask me about my day, ask me if I have any pain in the belly, if baby kicks me bad and I sound in pain he asks me if I'm ok he is not that bad, it's not always a war zone in the house, most of the time we have a great time, if it doesn't involve duties (housework or cooking)
It's like yesterday he was happy to help for a project, I needed him to help me go to the shop and carry a heavy MDF board because i also do the DIY in the house, my husband is not the manual kind, so the mdf project was because we're running out of spaces, so much baby stuff! i'm making some shelving that i will add in the existing wardrobes, so i cut the board yesterday, today i sanded and painted (3 layers) the boards so tomorrow it will be ready to be added to the wardrobes anyway he was happy to come with me and help me carry the board, he is not abusive with me
It might sound weird the little things he does to help, i make a big deal about it but i guess it's better than nothing... i need to find some positive out there somewhere... And he wasn't really doing those little things before, but since our chat life is getting better... one day at time, i'm not loosing hope, he will get used to this new "tyrannical" rules eventually, he might even not give out about it in the long run
The lunch today had to be quick, we had a doctor appointment, so he ates his sausages and bread on the coach and our son i had pasta
Tonight I had soup and he just snacked, because he didn't want the soup, I didn't cook anything else
For tomorrow i was in a mood for a quiche lorraine, he made a face but said he will give it a try so it's good!
We also made a weekly meal plan for the next 7 days, so now I'll know what to cook for him, and he knows what to expect, that should make life easier
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anyway he was happy to come with me and help me carry the board, he is not abusive with me