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I was raised Vegan but married a midwestern meat & potatoes guy.
First time ever cooking hamburger meat & I didn’t know how. So I did what you do when cooking Tofu; I dumped some cooking oil into the skillet.
Within 20 minutes, every smoke alarm in the whole 3 story apartment building was going off & smoke was rolling out of my door & into the hallways of each floor. The whole building evacuated & the fire department came. I started crying & vowed never to make Hamburger Helper again. Too dangerous!
Ever start a fire in the oven trying to roast duck?
My first Thanksgiving, although it wasn't easy, I nicely diced the Butternut Squash and boiled it.
Nobody had told me you had to peel it first.
was helping a guy cater a wedding ….he had yrs of experience ...I was quite young...
one of the appetizers was tenderized pork on a wooden skewer … in some odd mustard -yellow marinade... we were at the event setting up …. the caterer was hung over and barking orders at me....he was in hard shape...the parents of the bride...paying for the food came over and sternly told the caterer he did not want any pork served ...their are jews as guests here... we were way behind....he was a mess.. he started serving the pork wooden skewers....on a plate to the guests... told me to help and keep my mouth shut...it wasn't even cooked and he called it some fancy named chicken ….. it looked like chicken because of the mustard sauce..
then we passed out some stuffed mushrooms...….so as appetizers they had pork on a stick in a funky yellow marinade … along with stuffed mushrooms,,,,
we were busy started to bbq some chicken and steaks.... the caterer starts drinking whiskey and feeling better …
anyways ...im looking over to the guests and most of the guests are eating this raw pork ...on a stick..... and thinking its chicken...
not one complaint!!!
I said to the caterer ….. don't you feel the least bit bad …..about the pork appetizers...he said … none of them complained and they all ate them....they believed it was good chicken..... perception is reality young man ...remember that
years later I met one of the bridesmaids from that wedding party and asked if anyone got sick.....she said no not that she knew.... I didn't offer why I asked ...
My oldest brother decided to cook the Thanksgiving turkey one year. He decided to do it in a "Cook in Bag". When he pulled it out of the oven, there was a pile of mushy meat, skin and bones in the bag! Good thing he didn't stuff the bird. Think that was the same year he started the tradition of serving Cold Duck as the "wine".
About 20 years ago we had a workplace Thanksgiving dinner that I will never forget. For some strange reason a woman who could barely cook volunteered to bake the Thanksgiving turkeys. They let her.
Let me say upfront that I am a picky eater and I'm not too keen on workplace potlucks. A lot of them don't pass the sniff taste. That day I avoided this meal, which might have saved my life. Within two hours after the lunch, we had about 50 people running to the bathrooms. It was coming out of both ends, if you know what I mean. A few days later the lady who made the turkeys revealed that she didn't know anything about defrosting a turkey, so she left them out on the kitchen counter for about 3 days. All of those turkeys were contaminated with salmonella and caused food poisoning.
* * * *
Another coworker had a food-related story about her 5-year-old grandson that was cute. Every time I walk into a Chinese restaurant I remember this story and chuckle.
One day at a Chinese restaurant her grandson asked her, "Grandma, can we order some crab raccoon?"
He was only 5 years old, so the word "rangoon" didn't make any sense.
About 20 years ago we had a workplace Thanksgiving dinner that I will never forget. For some strange reason a woman who could barely cook volunteered to bake the Thanksgiving turkeys. They let her.
Let me say upfront that I am a picky eater and I'm not too keen on workplace potlucks. A lot of them don't pass the sniff taste. That day I avoided this meal, which might have saved my life. Within two hours after the lunch, we had about 50 people running to the bathrooms. It was coming out of both ends, if you know what I mean. A few days later the lady who made the turkeys revealed that she didn't know anything about defrosting a turkey, so she left them out on the kitchen counter for about 3 days. All of those turkeys were contaminated with salmonella and caused food poisoning.
* * * *
Another coworker had a food-related story about her 5-year-old grandson that was cute. Every time I walk into a Chinese restaurant I remember this story and chuckle.
One day at a Chinese restaurant her grandson asked her, "Grandma, can we order some crab raccoon?"
He was only 5 years old, so the word "rangoon" didn't make any sense.
I was making dinner at my mother's house (she would invite you to dinner and always suckered you into cooking it). All I asked her to do was to add a little milk to the mashed potatoes while I took the roast out of the oven. They tasted terrible and I asked her what on earth she added. She said, "I didn't have any milk so I added some French vanilla coffee creamer instead and shook on a little more pepper."
Another time, she thought she was shaking paprika on the potato salad but she was vigorously shaking cinnamon all over it instead.
Funny now. I imagine it was frustrating at the time.
When I was first married, one of the things they were saying was to put in a little oil when you cook pasta to prevent boil over. Well — it doesn’t work. But on a gas stove, when the pot boils over the water dries, leaving a line of starch that acts like a wick, catches from the flame below, the flame crawls up and then sits on the oil on the top of the water.
Kinda like the Cuyahoga River. Or I believe Lake Erie.
Then one night, I was browning chicken in my cast iron pan — very lightly oiled, and then I over sprinkled on Tabasco sauce. The sauce hit the raging hot pan, and went like an aerosol into the air — home made tear gas.
I’ve gotten better... but i still prefer baking.
As new cooks do—we make mistakes. My early disasters were more along the line of inedible product. And I’ve had my share of boilovers too.
My biggest Thanksgiving disaster was massive drain clog on the day of. I put too many potato peels down the drain. Hint: don’t put massive amounts of potato peels down the garbage disposal. To this day, I seldom peel potatoes. I mash them skin and all, or bake them.
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Think that was the same year he started the tradition of serving Cold Duck as the "wine".
A few days later the lady who made the turkeys revealed that she didn't know anything about defrosting a turkey, so she left them out on the kitchen counter for about 3 days. All of those turkeys were contaminated with salmonella and caused food poisoning. 
