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Old 08-15-2009, 09:18 AM
 
2,189 posts, read 7,679,370 times
Reputation: 1294

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fontucky View Post
You're pushy with your opinions and you take offense too easily. Not a good combination to present to the world if you want to stay on people's invite list.
If you say so. lol Care to stay on topic and join the discussion?
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Old 08-15-2009, 09:22 AM
 
Location: Central Texas
20,958 posts, read 45,189,088 times
Reputation: 24737
The only person I have ever thrown out of my house was someone who no doubt thought he was being helpful.

This was back in my college days, and my roommate brought home a young man who she'd met on the Drag. He was from NYC, new to the area. She brought him into the kitchen where I was frying chicken for dinner and introduced him, then went off to freshen up. He proceeded to tell me how I was frying chicken wrong, having met me a whole five minutes before.

He was quite surprised when, after enough of this, I asked him to leave. I also asked my roommate not to bring him back, and when she heard why, SHE didn't want him in the house any longer.

No, it is not acceptable to go to someone's house as a guest and proceed to critique their cooking, their interior decorating, their child raising, or anything else. It's just flat rude.

On the other hand, as someone who has made their living as a professional chef, and a foodie myself, I will invite suggestions on occasion when serving food, if I know that the person I'm asking has a background in food AND that I like their cooking (not always the same thing ). And, at home, when trying a new dish, my husband will always try to figure out while eating it what would make it better. Whether or not that's rude depends on my mood at the time.

The approach that I'd recommend you take, unless something is actually WRONG with the food (as in, unhealthy or inedible - and I refer you to Anthony Bordain for advice in determining what constitutes those two) that your host serves you, the guest, would be to view it as adventures in food. Is it exactly the way you would fix it if you were cooking it yourself? Almost certainly not. Is it a new and different way that might be just as good, albeit different, if you are open minded about your cuisine? Perhaps.

Lot less angst for everyone with that approach.
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Old 08-15-2009, 09:30 AM
 
18,935 posts, read 11,524,822 times
Reputation: 69883
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheJagMan View Post
Is there any way to have better food without sounding superior? My goal is to have better food, not to improve my ego...
If your goal is to have better food then stay at home or go to a quality restaurant. Accept invitations to people's homes again when your goal is to be a gracious guest and a friend. People invite guests over for camaraderie, not tutorials.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheJagMan View Post
There's no need for anyone to take any offense to my posts. This is a discussion and I wanted multiple opinions and viewpoints. I'm confused, what am I wrong about, getting offended by the "don't burn" guy?
So far, most of us here interpreted the "don't burn it" guy's comment as a joke or segue to chit-chat. It's how guys are - especially at informal BBQs - stand around and BS. I doubt he intended it as criticism or instruction. Instead of reacting with a bruised ego, you could have just grunted and moved on to weather or sports.
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Old 08-15-2009, 09:35 AM
 
18,935 posts, read 11,524,822 times
Reputation: 69883
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheJagMan View Post
I'm not sure if you understood the title of this topic...that's not what the discussion is about. It's about educating people to make a better final product.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheJagMan View Post
Care to stay on topic and join the discussion?
You get to start the thread and people get to respond according to their opinion and interpretation of the topic. The posts you're criticizing might not conform 100% to your rigid interpretation of the topic but they ARE still generally on topic. Conversations evolve.

So, to stay on topic - unbidden "constructive criticism" (your term from OP) isn't always welcome and you'd do better to enjoy the company and keep your opinion about the cooking to yourself.
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Old 08-15-2009, 09:39 AM
 
Location: Declezville, CA
16,806 posts, read 39,773,417 times
Reputation: 17679
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheJagMan View Post
If you say so. lol Care to stay on topic and join the discussion?
What a strange response from someone who gave my quoted post some rep with the comment "Good post".

Passive-aggressive much?
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Old 08-15-2009, 09:46 AM
 
Location: Where we enjoy all four seasons
20,797 posts, read 9,705,098 times
Reputation: 15936
I got one of those too..........talk about mixed messages.
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Old 08-15-2009, 09:50 AM
 
Location: Looking East and hoping!
28,227 posts, read 21,776,138 times
Reputation: 2000000990
Same here.

Toosie I could not add anymore.
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Old 08-15-2009, 09:54 AM
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
15,966 posts, read 20,923,733 times
Reputation: 43202
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheJagMan View Post
I'm confused, what am I wrong about, getting offended by the "don't burn" guy?
Sounds to me like the guy was trying to joke around with you. Even if you were offended why would you try to escalate it into something more? No response would be better than a rude response.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheJagMan View Post
Despite being respectful, "That's really good, I think XXX would make it even better", I've found that to be a utter failure. I think it's the "this is how I've always done it/it's my families tradition to keep this was" and the fact being take it as criticism. I welcome constructive criticism when I cook and have learned some great things I didn't know. lol
Unless you know your hosts very well that would be a no-no. Depending on what XXX is, your response at my house might be
~my husband refuses to eat that
~my daughter is lactose intolerant
~I'm allergic to that
~my son has a date with his girlfriend tonight and probably doesn't want to go out with garlic breath

Besides your wording is terrible. You think it's not rude to tell people how to do something "better"? It smacks of condescension.
Maybe if you took a slightly different approach and say something along the lines of "I picked up a great recipe for a delicious dish the other day. It uses a little bit of X and a some Y to really give it a really nice flavor. I'd love to share the recipe if you'd like." If they know you're a good cook that makes it sound like your sharing trade secrets and who could resist that? If they don't know your'e a good cook you just sound someone who likes to share a good recipe.
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Old 08-15-2009, 10:02 AM
 
Location: I'm around here someplace :)
3,633 posts, read 5,332,093 times
Reputation: 3980
I'd say it's rude & offensive to (your words) "educate and correct" someone's cooking... and rather arrogant to assume that "your way" is somehow better...

the way I've always approached the subject is if a person doesn't like something I've prepared, they don't need to eat it- but don't complain about it either
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Old 08-15-2009, 10:03 AM
 
2,189 posts, read 7,679,370 times
Reputation: 1294
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fontucky View Post
What a strange response from someone who gave my quoted post some rep with the comment "Good post".

Passive-aggressive much?
Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyworld View Post
I got one of those too..........talk about mixed messages.
I AGGRESSIVELY (or was it PASSIVELY? lol) gave rep to everyone; enjoy

Quote:
Originally Posted by TexasHorseLady View Post
No, it is not acceptable to go to someone's house as a guest and proceed to critique their cooking, their interior decorating, their child raising, or anything else. It's just flat rude.

On the other hand, as someone who has made their living as a professional chef, and a foodie myself, I will invite suggestions on occasion when serving food, if I know that the person I'm asking has a background in food AND that I like their cooking (not always the same thing ). And, at home, when trying a new dish, my husband will always try to figure out while eating it what would make it better. Whether or not that's rude depends on my mood at the time.
Thanks for sharing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by toosie View Post
You get to start the thread and people get to respond according to their opinion and interpretation of the topic. The posts you're criticizing might not conform 100% to your rigid interpretation of the topic but they ARE still generally on topic. Conversations evolve.

So, to stay on topic - unbidden "constructive criticism" (your term from OP) isn't always welcome and you'd do better to enjoy the company and keep your opinion about the cooking to yourself.
I'm having too much fun with the direction this has gone. Everyone is taking this way too seriously. This concludes I'm wrong as I greatly underestimated the affects of my opinions on post one and should of said "title says it all" to get more answers like TexasHorseLady's. Lesson learned.
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