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There are foods I like, and foods I don't care for. But I grew up not knowing if I was going to get ANYTHING at all to eat, so I learned to turn off my taste buds and just eat whatever I could get.
Anthropologically speaking, there are positives and negatives to "picky-ness". Those who are picky, once they found foods that they could eat, were able to prevent themselves from eating foods that might have been hazardous to them (like certain mushrooms, for example, or parts of the rhubarb plant). The downside is that if they ran out of the known food sources, they were out of luck, while those willing to try other items never went hungry.
While picky eaters bother me somewhat, it doesn't bother me quite as much as people who will waste perfectly edible food for whatever reason. I hate to see food wasted--probably because the food a restaurant, for example, throws away could feed the truly hungry. I learned to be a "dispose-all"--you don't want that toast? I'll eat it! I don't like to see it just go to waste.
If someone comes over and I have put food that I love on the table and the "guest" says "I don't eat that kind of thing" I tend to tell them to get their *** down the road. I am trying to share something that I like. I worked to put it together. I made a trip into town to get the ingredients. I took the time learn how to make it to my satisfaction. Then I try to share it with you and you turn your nose up at it? That will be the LAST time you are over for dinner. You do realize that sometimes people can cook the same thing and have totally different results? So just because you had something once and didn't like it means no one anywhere else can make so you do like it? Give me a break.......and stay home...................
I completely agree with you. Food is a way for us to share our different tastes and cultures and I personally look forward to it. Do I love everything I taste of course not. Will I die if I simply am polite and have to eat something not exactly ot my taste ? Highly unlikely.
I personally relish new culinary experiences , good or bad. Of course I prefer to be served something which is to my liking but I also appreciate that a great deal of work and thought has gone into cooking and I would find it churlish and childish to go "yukk" , offending my host in the process.
I do try to find out before inviting guests about STRONG dislikes and allergies but quite frankly if someone I invite behaves like a 3 year old petulant toddler then why bother. If all they want to eat is white food or something equally ridiculous then they can stay at home and eat it there.
Culturally as human beings we are programmed to share our food as a way to show hospitality. Hospitality is a sacred thing to me which must be treated with respect. To refuse food in most cultures is very offensive as it negates the sacred role of the host. Giving food is a generous gesture , an act of generosity. To turn away generosity is boorish.
Picky eaters are an entirely Western phenomenon , I find it sad and quite pathetic and I am sorry if this offends some people but quite frankly someone who goes through life with that kind of attitude and fear of food is going to be a really tedious guest .
My only real Taboo where food is concerned is Dog ( though true hunger would truly cure me of that little taboo ), otherwise , you cook it for me I will eat it. I might not like it but I will eat it. It's a question of basic respect. If you take the time, make the effort to put food on the table for someone else the minimum you should expect is for someone to actually eat it unless it is dangerous to your health ( allergies are an excellent reason) .
We live in a society where food is so plentiful and so available that we have created ridiculous neuroses around it. A bad meal will not hurt anyone.
As adults we all have to do things which we don't particularly always love, pay taxes, household chores, work etc..
And in the process we often discover things we had never previously known and realise that our fears and prejudices were completely unfounded. I thought Grubs and Insects would be utterly gross and disgusting. As it turned out they were actually quite tasty. I am glad I let go of my illogical fears and tried them.
It's about being open minded and having a positive attitude to the unknown as well as being a little more grown up.
I have been offered a lot of dubious food in my time travelling, most of it gross sounding. Most of it turned out either lovely or at best not as bad as I assumed.
Very few foods were truly awful and I am not in a hurry to try those again but should they be offered to me again in a gesture of friendhsip and comradeship then I will force myself, smile and say thank you for your kindness. It's basic courtesy.
Yeah, I'm a picky eater.
I have to be for health reasons.
If a host spends time making a great meal of something I can't eat I tell them "I'm sure the food is great, but I can't enjoy it because of the problems it would cause me. I wish I could enjoy it and I thank you for the effort you made. I hope you understand".
If it's a choke and puke place and they get my order wrong, I send it back and tell them to look at what I ordered. If they can't serve it that way, I'm outa there.
But I always tip the server. It ain't her/his fault.
I totally can get what you're saying. Honestly (and I'm just curious) would it offend you if someone asked what you were making before they came over, and possibly told you it wasn't something they liked?
Believe me when I say this--asking/telling about what is being made is something I'm accustomed to with my family/friends. I know this may make me seem like I'm from another planet or something by saying this (judging by previous responses), but I didn't know that this wasn't a "normal" thing to do.
If I'm making food for someone, a big part of why I'm doing is to make something that the guests will enjoy. It would make ME feel bad/uncomfortable if I were to serve something and not have them enjoy it.
Of all the times I've had people over for dinner, I've never had anyone ask me what I'd be serving. Honestly, I would find it a bit rude.
Of course, I would inquire about allergies and likes/dislikes...and I know my friends and family enough to know the obvious like vegetarian vs. meat-eater, etc...I'm going to stick with safe, 'generic' foods with friends and not cook Borscht and Varenyky and Sauerkraut (unless, of course, they want a good homemade Russian meal, which sadly, few want to try).
But how far do you go asking what someone likes or dislikes? Do you ask about every single vegetable? Okay-so you don't like raw tomatoes...but are they okay cooked? How about tomato sauce? So you don't like raw onions...how about cooked...do you see how absurd it could get?
Besides, you can't please everyone. And if I was having a large dinner party of, say, 20 or 30 people, just what would I cook that wouldn't offend anyone? What would there be left that everyone would agree on?
If you don't like what's being offered, fine, pass it up. I will say, however, that I myself have eaten plenty of food items that I don't care for (amd some I downright hate) because it's the respectful thing to do when someone has vested their time and money and care into preparing it. But if someone outright asked me beforehand what I was serving-it sounds kinda snotty to me and I may be tempted to withdraw my invitation.
I think the bottom line, in answer to the question that the OP originally asked:
"If it bothers you that someone is "picky" about what they eat, why? I don't get it.. "
is that the kind of picky eater that people consider obnoxious is the kind who thinks, consciously or not, that it is all about them, and that if they are invited to a dinner party that the host is obligated to cater to their pickiness.
Yes, short of an actual, doctor-diagnosed allergy, or telling someone that doesn't know you (in which case, why are they inviting you to dinner?) that you are a vegetarian, it is rude to inquire as to what the host is serving with the idea that if you don't like it, you can re-design the menu to cater to your preferences. No, it is not all about you, even though you are one of the guests.
If you feel that it has to be, then don't accept dinner invitations. If you wish to socialize, and you wish to have control of the menu, host dinner parties. But be sure to send everyone you invite a copy of the menu, and be prepared to serve whatever meat dish they might prefer.
Location: where the moss is taking over the villages
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Whenever I'm invited to somewhere that I feel apprehension about, I ask the hostess if I can bring a veggie tray.That way I know I'll eat SOMETHING.
My future mother in law thinks that 3 starches at the table with NO greens satisfies the need for sides... Hence the veggie tray for me. I can't eat bread, mashed potatoes & beans with an entree & no greens........*shock*
Location: where the moss is taking over the villages
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TexasHorseLady
You can't? Or you don't like to? Big difference, and some people don't quite get the difference.
I like your solution, by the way, of offering to bring something. But why do you feel "apprehension"?
I can't eat three starches in one meal. It seems retarded to me. When it's pushed on me (it always is at... her house) I always say the potatoes are the same as the beans to me or something like that. She really doesn't "get" what I'm trying to say.
Apprehension? Because I'm one of those picky eaters. I've always been squeamish about eating.
Wait. "It seems retarded to me" is entirely different from "can't".
I used to be a picky eater. Partially I blame it on my parents, who in this one regard (they did an admirable job otherwise), rather than parenting, they catered to my pickiness. Not so far as to make entirely separate meals for me (that's REALLY abdicating the job of parenting), but of not requiring that I at least taste things (in my house, when my children were growing up, we had the two-bite rule for new foods - the first bite was to get over the shock of something that actually didn't taste just like everything else you'd ever had, and the second bite was to find out what it really tasted like - after that, if you didn't wish to eat it, there were other things on the table you could eat, and you didn't have to eat that but you did have to try it a year or so later just to make sure things hadn't changed, which they usually had). But I do take personal responsibility for the fact that it lingered and I didn't start getting over it until I was 20.
Understand, you're not talking about a necessity. You absolutely, physically can eat three starches at one meal, it won't make you ill - you just have a preference and you've interpreted that preference into "I can't".
It's a very limited way to live (just as limited as the 3 starches with every meal that you decry in your future MIL), but as long as you don't foist it on anyone else (which you are clearly trying to do with her), no skin of anyone else's nose. It's when you try to make it all about you and dictate what others serve in their own homes that it crosses the line.
So you're not gluten intolerant or anything like that? You just have disdain for her style of cooking/eating and can't be polite for "a" meal occasionally? It's good that you offer to bring something but to tell her that potatoes are the same as beans to you? I can certainly see thinking that and not cooking that way in your own home but as someone elses guest, I would just eat a small amount, compliment the hostess and go home and eat something else....
I guess what it boils down to is there is nothing inherently "wrong" with being a picky eater - honestly, who cares when you're on your own...it's the lacking of manners around others and expecting them to kowtow to your whims that is bothersome to people. As has been said MOST people do try to accomodate the dietary restrictions (for whatever reasons) of their guests but as a guest you also have a resonsibility to be polite and accomodating....I am seeing this attitude a lot (and not just with regard to food)- since when did people believe that politeness only flows in one direction (namely toward themselves)?
Last edited by maciesmom; 09-23-2009 at 08:59 AM..
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