any experiences on moving with a teen who does NOT want to go???

[5stones]

Its hard and just be understanding. But also talk frank with her she is 16 and she should understand that a job is more important etc... (although she wont think so!! she needs to hear it!)
We moved ours 2 times in middle school. (not as tramatic as HS though) BUT we knew the 2nd move was comming and was very honest with all our kids.

Let her know you are willing to fly her back for a week in the summer or at spring break etc... (going back helps ease the transition)

When we moved here my 14 year old stated how she HATED everything about TX!! We let her vent but would remind her of the positives...( since housing prices were soooo good she got her own bathroom!!..very important) Closer to Colorado..skiing and family etc...
She ranted about how she would NEVER ever ever wear cowboy boots, Never ever ever be caught DEAD in a truck etc.... (well now she loves her cowboy boots and she wants a truck!)
She likes it here, she knows now she isn't going back east to college (that all she talked about when we moved!!) She still misses VA, but she no longer hates us for moving her here! She knew it was the best for our family, and we didn't do it just to "punish" her!!

That was 3 years ago and although her best friend from is still her best friend and they see each other about 2x a year. Keeping in touch now days is soo much easier with cell phones, FB and skype!

Get on line with her let her help look at houses, I don't know why but my oldest really liked to feel that she was part of the decision process of the house buying (I guess it gave her some feeling of control in a situatuion she really had NO control over!)
The schools here are huge and that is one thing my daughter still dislikes, her old HS in VA was alot smaller and the kids in her class were all very close...here she doesn't even know 1/2 the kids in her graduating class!

Kow that right now NOTHING you do or say will make it easier for her...but in time she will appreciate that you tried!

Looks like we will doing it all over again after she graduates...that leaves me moving a soph and a 8th grader!! should be fun!

Good luck!

[debzkidz]

We moved out of Texas when our two boys were both in high school. One 16 and just finishing his sophomore year just like your daughter and the other finishing his freshman year. I won't lie, it was hard and they were not happy but they too knew that financially, it was the best thing for our family and by doing so it would make their attending college pretty much anywhere they wanted possible, so we used that as the carrot. Our oldest saw it as a new beginning. He'd been trying to reinvent himself anyway, so he saw it as fresh start. The younger son accused us of trying to ruin his life.

We chose the suburb we wanted to be in, but then took them to visit all 3 high schools in the area, and even though it was summer, there was still office staff working that were happy to take them on campus tours. We researched each school and learned what each was suppose to be best at and what the general thoughts on the schools were. For example, one had the reputation for athletics, one for advanced academics, and one for their arts/music programs although all 3 were excellent in academics. Then along with the boys input we narrowed our search area. We really included them in the house hunt as well.

There were a couple of homes that DH and I thought would have worked, but both boys were adamantly against them, so we passed on those houses. We finally chose a house we could all agree on and that really helped. It gave them some buy-in, something to look forward to and a place they felt good about. In hindsight I would do it that way again. I've driven by the houses we passed on (on of them is just down the block from us) because of the boys, and they were right.

Both my boys are now in college and they survived the move well. In the end, the older one was just biding his time in high school, waiting to go off to college. While he was in school in TX he was pretty involved, but didn't join in to too much here in OK. He made a few friends, but not a lot. I think it was a guy thing really. Lots of posturing and testosterone pumping with boys that age! Most of the friends he made, and still has contact with were girls. He chose to go back to Texas to college even though the entire time we lived there (his whole life) he wanted to go elsewhere for college. He considers himself a Texan, and Texas as home. The younger one seemed to assimilate better. He was in band, and that really helped, since summer band practice was already underway when we got here. He made friends, but not many good friends. He too found girls to be more welcoming of a new kid and that's who he stays in contact with as well. Although he too left the state for college, but not back to Texas, he considers himself and Oklahoman and to him this is home.

All of our family is in the Keller/NRH/Euless/Colleyville area and they have been very pleased with the schools of each. As someone else suggested you could look down to the south as well. I think there area some very nice areas there too, I'm just not as familiar with them.

One other suggestion. We have moved many times, and what we have found is that by buying in a newer area you are likely to find more transplants like yourselves. It might make it easier for your daughter to connect with other new kids. Areas like Keller and Colleyville seem to be areas where lots of people move to when they are being transferred. Our move to OK has been the exception and we have seen it. We chose an older more established area, and what we found is even when a family moves here, they tend to be families that are already in the area and just moving up. More of the transplants to the area tend to go towards the newer subdivisions, which are in a high school zone we chose not to look at. I think if we'd moved to one of those areas, our sons might have more easily found their niche.

[loves2read]

Article in FTW recently about % of non-Texans to native-borns in local towns--
some towns have more newcomers than natives--Keller being one of them which should be no surprise to anyone who posts on this forum

In many Northeast Tarrant cities, out-of-towners outnumber native Texans | Census 2010 |...

and I agree that transplants tend to gravitate to new construction areas--lots of reasons for that but think that psychologically you do feel that you are on level playing field with other people in same situation vs buying in established neighborhood where there could be long term relationships and people "not" like yourselves...

[Tiger Beer]

Originally Posted by jko2

My daughter is 16 and current a sophmore. She does not want to leave since this the only area she has ever known and all family is here. I dont blame her and dont know what to say because we have very little choice as my husbands job is moving to Texas. Its hard on all of us but would love help making it easier for her.......

Just stay where you are. Your year or two will go by no matter what, and will have little to no effect on you whatsoever.

Moving just before the goalpost....basically sucks bigtime for a kid.

Just be careful what you are teaching your kids. WHen you move around a lot, you teach them how to cut ties with people they get close to. After I graduated, as good as my parents were, and they are very good people. I basically moved away and have very limited interest in keeping in touch at all. I learned that you can move far away and replace the people you left behind easily, including family.

[5stones]

^ UM... a 16 year old is not financially responsible for the family!

ALOT of people have to move when the job says move, it's NOT a choice. Well, I guess it can be a choice of a job or unemployment!

I moved ALOT as a kid on avg every 3-4 years. It taught me how be very outgoing, how to adapt to new situations and how to handle major change.
It made moving on to college with unknown roomates, etc very easy.
MANY well adjusted people have moved as kids and young adults. Think of all the military families etc...
Based on my expirence and other families I know (mostly govt or military) The are very well adjusted and develop of love of adventure and acepting new opportunites!

Now I have friends in many states and so do my kids. In fact my HS daughter is flying back to VA this summer for a week to stay with her good friend.

Not saying moving in HS is easy etc... but many kids do it every year. My brother was moved his senior year and so was my neice. They weren't happy, but they adjusted and both have made lifelong friends from that last move.

[Squirl]

I mentioned in my earlier post that I started 11th grade in a new school and it all worked out well for me. However by the time my brother was in high school our parents moved again and he made a very poor adjustment. So, I was really worried when my family moved from east Dallas to Arlington because my DH couldn't deal with the commute to FTW anymore. We waited until my son was starting 9th grade and would be changing schools anyway. He made a wonderful adjustment. However, it was time to move again when my son was starting his h.s. junior year (DH was transferred to California) we decided that for 2 years we would keep a condo in San Diego and our home in TX and DH could come home once a month and we could go visit him on vacations. My son was doing great at school and had wonderful friends and I did not want to put him thru making a school change when things were going so great for him at Martin HS. However, it did not turn out well. Somehow, with my husband not on the scene daily my son became rebellious and defied all the house rules. His once top grades plummeted and he was always in trouble at school. He started hanging out with questionable boys and I found weed in his bedroom, etc. Those were awful, awful years. The path to college became rocky -- where once there was no question he loved learning. He wrote dark, dark poetry and I took him to counselors and he had to submit to weekly drug testing in order to retain the privilege of driving his car. The adult he has become today was shaped during that time; today he is a loving husband and father, but is often the "rebel without a cause." I think the impact of our family being separated hurt him badly. Make the move and don't feel guilty.

[loves2read]

What you describe happening with your son can happen with both parents in the home -- you can't say that it was direct result of your husband working away from home...
at least you intervened and try to remediate the problem with success

teens' brains are not formed--they are still going through growth process and some teens have problems with depression that go undiagnosed and can lead to problems like you describe...