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Old 05-11-2011, 03:11 AM
 
483 posts, read 1,555,463 times
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I'm very good at saving. (I save 3/4 of my aftertax income.)

When it comes to dating, I'm attracted to the pretty women (it's my weakness). These are also the high maintenance types -- all of them are spenders and not savers. For instance, she might be a college student making $15k per year but has a $100/mo iPhone plan and eats out more often than bringing her own lunch or cooking. I couldn't fanthom spending like that if I made $15k.

I'm not a cheap bastard when we date. I take them to respectable restaurants, I _always_ pay for the date, and when we travel I pay all of their expenses. But they've said I'm cheap because the amount I spend is much less relative to what I make. I.e., we'd stay at a $150/night hotel when my income level and house/cars suggests I can easily afford $500/night.

Do you have very different spending habits from your SO? How much friction does it cause?
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Old 05-11-2011, 07:35 AM
 
Location: MO->MI->CA->TX->MA
7,021 posts, read 14,411,188 times
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When we first started dating, I never used any coupons when taking my SO out. When she found out about them, she wanted me to make use of them; she hates money being wasted unecessarily. Turns out, she's actually a lot more frugal than me.
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Old 05-11-2011, 03:21 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
14,229 posts, read 29,911,286 times
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Looks always fade. It's the law of the jungle. They will all thank you later if you teach them how to be frugal.

$500 a night on a ROOM? Never. Just no. I couldn't live with myself if I wasted that much money. Honestly, I would spend the night in my car before I would pay that.
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Old 05-11-2011, 04:02 PM
 
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None at all -- he's as frugal as I am...
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Old 05-11-2011, 11:43 PM
 
30,856 posts, read 36,757,475 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by josh u View Post
I'm very good at saving. (I save 3/4 of my aftertax income.)

When it comes to dating, I'm attracted to the pretty women (it's my weakness). These are also the high maintenance types -- all of them are spenders and not savers. For instance, she might be a college student making $15k per year but has a $100/mo iPhone plan and eats out more often than bringing her own lunch or cooking. I couldn't fanthom spending like that if I made $15k.

I'm not a cheap bastard when we date. I take them to respectable restaurants, I _always_ pay for the date, and when we travel I pay all of their expenses. But they've said I'm cheap because the amount I spend is much less relative to what I make. I.e., we'd stay at a $150/night hotel when my income level and house/cars suggests I can easily afford $500/night.

Do you have very different spending habits from your SO? How much friction does it cause?
Yes. My boyfriend and I just broke up over this. It wasn't entirely about my being frugal. He wanted me to increase my income and use all or most of it for lifestyle upgrades (travel, a bigger place, etc). I wasn't intereted in working that hard....and even if I was, I'd want at least half of the extra income to go to savings/investments.
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Old 05-11-2011, 11:52 PM
 
30,856 posts, read 36,757,475 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by josh u View Post
I'm very good at saving. (I save 3/4 of my aftertax income.)

When it comes to dating, I'm attracted to the pretty women (it's my weakness). These are also the high maintenance types -- all of them are spenders and not savers. For instance, she might be a college student making $15k per year but has a $100/mo iPhone plan and eats out more often than bringing her own lunch or cooking. I couldn't fanthom spending like that if I made $15k.

I'm not a cheap bastard when we date. I take them to respectable restaurants, I _always_ pay for the date, and when we travel I pay all of their expenses. But they've said I'm cheap because the amount I spend is much less relative to what I make. I.e., we'd stay at a $150/night hotel when my income level and house/cars suggests I can easily afford $500/night.

Do you have very different spending habits from your SO? How much friction does it cause?
I think it's time for you to go for women who are "hot enough" as opposed to "red hot"....that is if you actually want a realtionship that lasts any length of time. Don't take too long to learn this lesson. The dating pool shrinks quickly as you hit your late 20s and 30s. If you think you won't like dating women who are "6s" and "7s"...wait until all you end up meeting is divorced women with kids. As an added bonus, the less beautiful people of the world are more likely to understand that you have to work at life to accomplish things (whether that be jobs/careers, realationships, etc). The very beautiful people are more prone to learning these lessons the hard way or not at all. (Yes, of course, there are always exceptions to the general rule).
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Old 05-12-2011, 07:32 AM
 
1,648 posts, read 3,253,700 times
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Are you enabling her lifestyle? Taking someone to fancy restaurants and nice hotels may be great for a special occasion - but if you do it every time to try and impress her - in essence you are false advertising. Take her to a Panera Bread, Taco Bell or Chipotle for dinner - if she freaks out - you know it's a good sign and you'll be better off. It seems you enjoy being the provider - paying for dinners, nice hotels etc - so just set the tone appropriately.
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Old 05-12-2011, 03:46 PM
 
Location: MO->MI->CA->TX->MA
7,021 posts, read 14,411,188 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mysticaltyger View Post
Yes. My boyfriend and I just broke up over this. It wasn't entirely about my being frugal. He wanted me to increase my income and use all or most of it for lifestyle upgrades (travel, a bigger place, etc). I wasn't intereted in working that hard....and even if I was, I'd want at least half of the extra income to go to savings/investments.
If I dated a girl like that, we would easily break up in a few months even if I were to relax my ultra frugal yet easy-going life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mysticaltyger View Post
I think it's time for you to go for women who are "hot enough" as opposed to "red hot"....that is if you actually want a realtionship that lasts any length of time. Don't take too long to learn this lesson. The dating pool shrinks quickly as you hit your late 20s and 30s. If you think you won't like dating women who are "6s" and "7s"...wait until all you end up meeting is divorced women with kids. As an added bonus, the less beautiful people of the world are more likely to understand that you have to work at life to accomplish things (whether that be jobs/careers, realationships, etc). The very beautiful people are more prone to learning these lessons the hard way or not at all. (Yes, of course, there are always exceptions to the general rule).
And I never really had much luck with the ladies until the late 20's.. For guys, unless you live in a culture where it's normal for men to date older women, your dating pool actually grows as you grow older.. For me (I'm 28), any single woman from 18 to 30 is fair game..
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Old 05-12-2011, 06:34 PM
 
1,096 posts, read 4,514,807 times
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I think as a guy there's a balance that has to be struck. You shouldn't be using coupons and taking women to cheap places on the first date but you should also resist the urge to go to really nice places at first to impress. You could be setting the stage and expectations for "how you roll" so to speak.

If your just trying to get laid by all means go all out but if your serious about someone be upfront about who you are and what you spend. If not it will come to a head eventually and you will be mad your spending more than you can afford and they will be mad you aren't taking them to nice places and buying them things.

My gf spends money on nails, clothes, etc, etc, etc. I'm pretty frugal. She always made fun of me a little bit in fun of course but now a few years later she is borrowing money from me and asking me for tips on how to be more frugal.

I think the key as a frugal person is to try to get value for your money but dont sacrafice yoru life or be a grinch. nobody wants to be with someone who never wants to go out wtih friends b/c it costs money, never wants to go on vacation, never wants to do anything.
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Old 05-12-2011, 07:16 PM
 
Location: MO->MI->CA->TX->MA
7,021 posts, read 14,411,188 times
Reputation: 5568
Quote:
Originally Posted by rfr69 View Post
I think as a guy there's a balance that has to be struck. You shouldn't be using coupons and taking women to cheap places on the first date but you should also resist the urge to go to really nice places at first to impress. You could be setting the stage and expectations for "how you roll" so to speak.

If your just trying to get laid by all means go all out but if your serious about someone be upfront about who you are and what you spend. If not it will come to a head eventually and you will be mad your spending more than you can afford and they will be mad you aren't taking them to nice places and buying them things.

My gf spends money on nails, clothes, etc, etc, etc. I'm pretty frugal. She always made fun of me a little bit in fun of course but now a few years later she is borrowing money from me and asking me for tips on how to be more frugal.

I think the key as a frugal person is to try to get value for your money but dont sacrafice yoru life or be a grinch. nobody wants to be with someone who never wants to go out wtih friends b/c it costs money, never wants to go on vacation, never wants to do anything.
Although I'm frugal, I'm not so extreme as to never go on vacation (I enjoy vacation and go several times a year) or never to go out. What I'm strongly against is buying lots of things that I don't need just to impress (nice house, nice car, nice furniture, nice tv, etc. pretty much every luxury with the exception of maybe nice clothes) even if I can easily afford it unless I have a real need for the luxury.
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