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Old 05-29-2011, 05:59 PM
 
28,895 posts, read 54,134,340 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by debtmonger View Post
Why is you 45 year old BIL still living with his parents? Aren't they just enabling his cheap and bad behavior?
Pretty much. Just a bizarre situation. It just pisses my wife off no end.
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Old 05-29-2011, 07:44 PM
 
Location: Warwick, RI
5,470 posts, read 6,287,688 times
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Quote:
Pretty much. Just a bizarre situation. It just pisses my wife off no end.
Here's another spin on this - your brother in law is mentally ill. I have a BIL who live with his elderly parents as well, only he doesn't own his own company or anything. He's 44 years old and has worked less time in his life than my 15 year old daughter has. Your in-laws need to stop enabling him and either kick his no good butt out the door, or get him the help that he obviously needs, as do mine. Good luck to you and your wife with this difficult situation.
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Old 05-29-2011, 08:14 PM
 
5,546 posts, read 9,995,206 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by treasurekidd View Post
Here's another spin on this - your brother in law is mentally ill. I have a BIL who live with his elderly parents as well, only he doesn't own his own company or anything. He's 44 years old and has worked less time in his life than my 15 year old daughter has. Your in-laws need to stop enabling him and either kick his no good butt out the door, or get him the help that he obviously needs, as do mine. Good luck to you and your wife with this difficult situation.
Excuse me, but if he is truly mentally ill, you should be ashamed of using language like no good. It is an illness.

That is all.
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Old 05-29-2011, 08:52 PM
 
98 posts, read 239,146 times
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I sense some type of jealousy and a lot of judgement. How do you know it's not the parents who wants your BIL to live with them? And I don't see why it bothers you. They can do whatever they want.

My SIL lives off and on with the ILs. We don't care. It's their choice.

The other things you mentioned, I don't see why they bother you as well. Why should a parent send their kids to a private school? Drinking a day old coffee? Who cares! I assume they are not forcing you to drink it. lol.
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Old 05-29-2011, 08:52 PM
 
28,895 posts, read 54,134,340 times
Reputation: 46680
Quote:
Originally Posted by treasurekidd View Post
Here's another spin on this - your brother in law is mentally ill. I have a BIL who live with his elderly parents as well, only he doesn't own his own company or anything. He's 44 years old and has worked less time in his life than my 15 year old daughter has. Your in-laws need to stop enabling him and either kick his no good butt out the door, or get him the help that he obviously needs, as do mine. Good luck to you and your wife with this difficult situation.
No, he is just an idiot. He owns a successful engineering firm. He just is cheap. No way to sugar coat it.
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Old 05-29-2011, 10:34 PM
 
Location: A Nation Possessed
25,684 posts, read 18,773,845 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
My wife and I save, save, save. We have a really nice nest egg and investments. No one would ever accuse us of being spendthrifts.

Then there's my brother-in-law. He's 45. He still lives with his parents. He makes gobs of money as the owner of his own engineering firm. He writes a token amount to pay for his part of the mortgage, but doesn't begin to cover the food, the property taxes, the furnishings, the utilities, and the what not.

His entire wardrobe consists of free polo shirts given to him by vendors. He will not go out to eat, will not date, and drives a fourteen-year-old used car that leaves oil stains in the in-laws' driveway. His only daughter is a freshman in college, but he refused to pay for private college. Instead, he made her go to the cheapest university he could find, and established her residency with us so she could get the in-state tuition rate. He has never taken her on a decent vacation and complains about her spending any money. What's more, his parents are almost as cheap. Rather than brew a new pot of coffee, they'll heat up the coffee from the day before. And the list goes on.

So where do you draw the line? When does the saving of money get in the way of actually having some kind of life?
If he's freeloading, there is a problem. But if he where paying fair rent for the space he uses and supporting himself otherwise, what would the problem be? May as well have the parents making the extra money they normally wouldn't have (if they want to do that) rather than some corporation. Besides, if the parents start getting senile, they might need the help around the place (assuming he'd actually have the fortitude to become a "caretaker"). If he's sponging off from them, maybe they should insist he carry his weight around the place. That would fix the problem.

As for not going out to eat, not dating, driving an older car... so what? Some people are through with romantic involvement and wasting money on "dates" like a teenager, don't really find dining out appealing at all, don't want a new car because the old one gets them from point A to point B, and have no desire to vacation. Different strokes for different folks. As long as one is not adversely affecting others (which, maybe this guy is in certain ways but not in other ways) is the main thing. Maybe try to get him to pull his weight financially--otherwise, as I said, different strokes for different folks.


If this guy were living the same way but not sponging, would you still have a problem with him?
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Old 05-30-2011, 06:58 AM
 
Location: Raleigh, NC/ West Palm Beach, FL
1,061 posts, read 2,250,615 times
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I try to stay away from people that are extremely cheap like described by the OP. Even though I consider myself frugal, I am not cheap. If I go to a restaurant, I will tip accordingly.

I have a friend that is beyond frugal, he is cheap. For example, if we are going to eat at a moderately priced sit down restaurant and we ordered the exact same food on the menu and the bill came out to say $30, he would quickly give me $14 or $15 and expect me to put the rest. Basically, he would give me exactly the price of the food on the menu plus maybe $1. He does not take into consideration tax and tip. After 1 or 2 times of doing this I would just tell him "hey, how about the tip".

So the last few times I ate out with him I jumped the gun and gave him my share including my portion of the tip and let him pay the waiter or waitress. Or, from the get go, I would tell the server to please give us separate checks. This way at least I know I will give the server the appropriate tip.

It has become easier to just avoid or minimize outings with this individual. One thing is being frugal or maybe not afford to spend, another thing is being cheap and miserable.
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Old 05-30-2011, 12:59 PM
 
15,637 posts, read 26,242,236 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
No, he is just an idiot. He owns a successful engineering firm. He just is cheap. No way to sugar coat it.
He may have some extreme fear about going out on his own.

He may have some weird thing about your in laws being alone... my brother in law never had a career because he always felt he was going to be the one to deal with the parents in their old age -- and it was a self fulfilling prophecy.... he was the only one available to deal with what had to be done.....
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Old 05-30-2011, 07:23 PM
 
16,956 posts, read 16,745,177 times
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Uh....he won't date because that involves spending money on the girl...

Great On-Line Dating Ad :

" Wanted : 45 year old man, wants a girl that will put up with me living with my mom and dad and not mind me wearing free polo shirts that I got from trade shows and conventions.

" A girl that does not mind Ramen Soup for dinner ( that's 17 cents ) because I think going to Taco Bell is frivilous.

Nights will consist of 4 times brewed coffee and since coffee has gone up 50%, I expect you to contribute a can on our second date. "

Signed " 4ever-but-never-inlove "
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Old 05-30-2011, 10:22 PM
 
Location: in a galaxy far far away
19,194 posts, read 16,672,733 times
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I found another example of the OP's question - At What Point Does Frugality Stop and Being A Cheap Bast*** Begin? This is pretty funny, though.

Today, I was cleaning out a box of crafts and I found a whole stack of old calendars that I use (framed prints and decoupage ideas) Then, I got to thinking. Hmmm, I wonder how long I can hang onto these until I can actually use them again.

Turns out that last year, I could have used a calendar from 1993 and 1999. This year, I could have used a calendar from 1994 and 2005. Next year, I can use a calendar from 1984. I don't have one that goes back that far, thankfully. If I did, that would really mean I'm a hoarder.

My point, though is that reusing old calendars is not something I would probably think of doing. If it was, however, I don't think that's an example of being frugal. That's just plain old cheap! Gosh! I wonder if I could sell any of these old calendars on eBay!
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