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Old 10-21-2011, 09:11 PM
 
2,873 posts, read 5,862,841 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ol' Wanderer View Post
Could you set it up so all the bills be paid by the bank? A bit of the burden would be off your shoulders (and your schedule) that way. We have done that with all our bills for years, it works well for us.



That would be another entry in your debit column. Every dollar counts in a small budget, so don't overlook anything.
Most of the bills are autopay....the problem is making sure she doesn't overspend and then bounce something. Again, she's not so far gone that I can simply remove her right to her money. The only reason I'm allowed to handle as much as I do is that the checkbook confuses her so badly she'll cry. She's very stubborn, and hanging onto to her independence with her fingernails. I do currently have her checking account connected to mine and I transfer part of my pay there each week for her.

Yep...I wouldn't be able to give her much, but I know it would mean less for me. I figure I can do without television or a cell phone- I would be fine with an internet service and something like magic jack. I can cancel anything extra I have now like netflix and amazon prime.

I would actually try and do a trade with her- like I'll pay her a little each week in exchange for watching my cat while I'm at work.

Which, btw, is also another big reason I really want a place of my own. I have my cat JJ, and she has her cat Robin. I pay all medical bills for both and buy all the food, take them for appts, etc. I also have a 20 gallon fish tank. I want to upgrade to a larger tank and at some point have more pets, whether it means another cat or even a hamster. Animals are a huge, huge deal for me (and trust me, I would budget and plan like crazy...JJ is the most expensive cat EVER and has cost me over 15,000 dollars EASY).

Mom is done with having pets...she raised six children, she doesn't want the responsibility, etc etc etc. Which, fine, her choice, but I'm NOT, and I don't want to wait twenty years until she dies to have a bigger fish tank (which affects her not at all, as she doesn't do the feeding or cleaning or anything) or to have another cat. This is one thing that hugely bothers me.

Last edited by ParallelJJCat; 10-21-2011 at 09:27 PM..
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Old 10-21-2011, 09:44 PM
 
Location: California Mountains
1,448 posts, read 3,056,597 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ParallelJJCat View Post
Yep...I wouldn't be able to give her much, but I know it would mean less for me. I figure I can do without television or a cell phone- I would be fine with an internet service and something like magic jack. I can cancel anything extra I have now like netflix and amazon prime.
Since every little bit counts and you're about to give up almost everything, you probably would want to check out this thread before paying for Magic Jack:

https://www.city-data.com/forum/fruga...l#post21015223
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Old 10-21-2011, 10:04 PM
 
Location: Military City, USA.
5,610 posts, read 6,543,586 times
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"She raised 6 children"....., so where are your siblings in caring for your mother? This is not right that you alone (it appears) are carrying the whole load. If they are not willing to help, or all have moved away for whatever reason, then I say make use of services for the elderly as much as you can so you can have a life of your own, visiting or taking care of things for her as needed, not because you are obligated to since you live with her. Not healthy for you, emotionally or mentally.
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Old 10-21-2011, 10:18 PM
 
5,730 posts, read 10,142,986 times
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Yes, I can live on $1,500 per month, but I don't know that you can.

My military pension is $1,504 per month, but I also get $918from the GI bill.
This comes to $2,422.

I save ~$450 per month leaving me with just under $2K.

It's MUCH easier to do due to several things.

I used to live in a $375 one bedroom, I have upgraded to a $500 2 bedroom.
I also do netflix, motorcycle insurance, take women on dates, take trips etc.

Some months I spend a little more, but doing a little wheeling and dealing (Like this month) makes up the difference.

Now (If like you say) you never want to go anywhere, or do anything... it's very doable.

I actually have a plan to live off just my pension just in case I can't get a job after my Masters is completed.


Issue I see, is that you will have little to no 'buffer' for issues.
Car repairs, medical etc.

My recommendation:
Do a 'phantom move' for a few months.
Pay yourself your rent and other expenses, and let yoru mother stand alone.

Bank the difference.

This will build your buffer and tell you if it'll work.
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Old 10-21-2011, 10:34 PM
 
2,873 posts, read 5,862,841 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ol' Wanderer View Post
Since every little bit counts and you're about to give up almost everything, you probably would want to check out this thread before paying for Magic Jack:

https://www.city-data.com/forum/fruga...l#post21015223
Yes, I did see that, and I will definitely read through. I'm just illustrating that my needs are relatively few.
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Old 10-21-2011, 10:36 PM
 
Location: I'm where I want to be. Are you?
19,263 posts, read 16,780,659 times
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A "phantom move."

What a great idea!
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Old 10-21-2011, 10:38 PM
 
5,730 posts, read 10,142,986 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HereOnMars View Post
A "phantom move."

What a great idea!
I recommended it to everyone thinking about a new car, or any expense.

If they are thinking about a MORE expensive (Apartment, or whatever) I tell them to bank the difference.
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Old 10-21-2011, 10:42 PM
 
2,873 posts, read 5,862,841 times
Reputation: 4342
Quote:
Originally Posted by Michigan Transplant View Post
"She raised 6 children"....., so where are your siblings in caring for your mother? This is not right that you alone (it appears) are carrying the whole load. If they are not willing to help, or all have moved away for whatever reason, then I say make use of services for the elderly as much as you can so you can have a life of your own, visiting or taking care of things for her as needed, not because you are obligated to since you live with her. Not healthy for you, emotionally or mentally.
My siblings are not in the picture. The ones who live nearby have never even visited her when she was in the hospital. I do have a brother who lives in MN and does send money to help with bills. He's also taken her to the Mayo Clinic before. But since he lives so far away, there's only so much he can do.

My father is also not in the picture in any relevant way for this conversation. He's not able to cope with her memory issues and mood swings- he thinks if he just repeats things at a louder volume she'll remember things, and takes it as a personal affront if she doesn't. She uses me from emotional support, not him, and they really have never gotten along and as they grow older they basically can't stand each other. If they speak for more than three minutes it turns into a fight.

Again, I can't force my mother to use services like home assistance. Even just a cleaning service- I paid for one once, and she insisted on cleaning the house from top to bottom before the main came every week. Useless. She knows she can't remember things and doesn't always act rationally, and it scares her. So she ends up 'fighting' it by doing more or dismissing the impact of her actions. Since I can't change her, I'm trying to find ways to change me...which includes finding ways to keep my responsibility to her, but also start doing things for myself.
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Old 10-21-2011, 10:42 PM
 
Location: California Mountains
1,448 posts, read 3,056,597 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ParallelJJCat View Post
I live in South Jersey.
I have no idea how expensive or inexpensive South Jersey is, but we (two people) live on $2043 in Southwest FL without much difficulty.

After all expenses -- rent alone is $1100, then grocery, car payment, car insurance, gas for car, electricity, Internet, NetFlix, occasional clothing purchase, and misc. -- we save ~$400. Actually, we don't really save that much, because most of the saving goes into our travel fund, which is something we cannot live without.

It can be done.
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Old 10-21-2011, 10:44 PM
 
Location: California Mountains
1,448 posts, read 3,056,597 times
Reputation: 2356
Quote:
Originally Posted by Themanwithnoname View Post
My recommendation:
Do a 'phantom move' for a few months.
Pay yourself your rent and other expenses...
Bank the difference.

This will build your buffer and tell you if it'll work.
Excellent idea.
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