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Old 02-28-2012, 07:03 AM
 
Location: Jersey
869 posts, read 1,493,881 times
Reputation: 880

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Info Guy View Post
Why rely on 1 person to bring in the income? Where is the backup? Disablity insurance does not pay much either.
Because me staying at home and raising our children is more important than money. Its as simple as that. The last 4 years that ive been at home I have also been going to school so when my son goes to school I will start working in my career field and help my family. But if we had a small child still I would not be working. Its as simple as that.

 
Old 02-28-2012, 08:06 AM
 
Location: Sverige och USA
702 posts, read 3,009,939 times
Reputation: 419
Quote:
Originally Posted by Info Guy View Post
Why rely on 1 person to bring in the income? Where is the backup? Disablity insurance does not pay much either.
Not sure why you're giving her such a hard time? It is her choice and they seem to be doing well. Money is not everything, it is much more important to have at least one parent at home especially during the formative years of children. I've seen some kids that are more attached to their nannies/babysitters than their parents. Anyway, she may decide to work when the kids are older so I don't think it is a problem in the least.

To the original poster, seems like it is a time to downsize. Your kids are both close to adulthood and will be leaving the nest soon. You should consider moving to a small apartment with lower rent and when your mom leaves her job or can't do the job anymore, you should move to a lower cost of living area.
 
Old 02-28-2012, 09:09 AM
 
2,420 posts, read 4,367,905 times
Reputation: 3528
Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
What it all boils down to, is that the OP has never lived a "frugal" lifestyle. Which is why she is in dire straights now. For example, I make a good salary, but I bought a used Honda, sure, I could have "afforded" a better car, but I live below my means. The OP has never done that, and does not know how.

I have a food budget, $150 a month, that includes wine, diet coke, eating out, all food eaten out. $150 is it. I have been at a point where all I have is lentils and rice. That is living frugal.

The OP has cable, cell, internet. I only pay for my cell, I don't need cable, or internet. The OP can easily go to the library, and use the computers there.

You can't become "frugal". It is a way of life. You either live it, or you just don't "get it". The OP does not "get it". You can't have your cake, and eat it too.
Why continue to chastise to OP. Even if she did make mistakes in her past. It is the past. She is now trying figure a way to change and live with the present.

I think it would be more constructive if you are living a frugal life style, to share with her your own monthly expenses and how you do it. She needs to make changes quickly, not be lectured on her past. Enough people have done that all ready. I agree, it is difficult for someone to change over night. But she has to. So necessity is the creator of all success. She should start making these changes immediately and start living on the $1,300 immediately and if she feels she can't be without a car, use the additional money she does get while it's still there to pay off the car. It would require a year though of paying it off at $700 a month, and I don't know how much longer she will be getting that money. You can do it in 9 months if you can pay $1,000 a month. That car payment coupled with insurance is a real noose around your neck. (or it will be soon) Don't know the time she has left before she loses the child support, to save that money.

My sister is the mirror of OP. She had a good job. Was a paralegal and made a decent wage, but she could never save a dime. Then she started to have very severe back problems and eventually had a major operation that rendered her even worse than before. She can not sit upright and is in constant pain. Anyway, long story short, she now receives disability and lives with one of her sons, and her other three sons have very successful careers, and all contribute to the household and help pay the bills. Her son who she lives with is happy to have her living with him, as she takes care of the light cleaning, the laundry and providing a nice meal for him when he comes home. He is grateful to have her with him. Before all the other kids stepped up to the plate, she had a very difficult year, and learned over night the meaning of living frugal, and she continues to this day. She has never been happier by the way.

You soon learn your entertainment can come in many forms. Books from the library are free and you can get them on line without leaving the house. What I have gotten a great deal of pleasure from is downloading books on audio from your library (you listen to them from a MP3 Player, like a Sansa Clip. I turn off the TV at night about an hour before I want to go to sleep. Turn on my MP3, and someone reads to me a great story to fall to sleep to. Pandora is free on line, and provides all the music listening you like from the artists you prefer.

I am VERY happy with my life and all the changes I learned to make, and continue to learn more as time goes on. It does not detract from my life at all. Actually, it is not following the crowd and getting smarter about consumerism, and learning to stop following and start thinking. You will be surprised what you can do once you put your head to it.
 
Old 02-29-2012, 04:42 PM
 
Location: Camberville
15,859 posts, read 21,430,343 times
Reputation: 28199
I find it hard not to chastise the OP. I couldn't get SSDI when I was going through treatment for cancer (and the anxiety related to cancer - both due to circumstances and medications) - and my psychiatrist would laugh me out of the office if I told her I wanted to stop working because of my anxiety. And yes, it was difficult to leave the house some days. Still had to go to work. If you have a psychiatrist and therapist who tells you that your anxiety cannot be managed and allows you to accept being too anxious to leave home then you need to find a new mental health team! I wouldn't accept it if someone told me that my cancer was "genetic and therefore unable to be treated" until I had literally exhausted all options - why would I accept that for mental health? It's not a SSDI issue - its a quality of life issue.

And I went through 6 months of chemo (much of it laying in bed with no energy to even read) without cable. I had the internet. I still don't have cable - roommates and I split Netflix and Hulu+ ($16 total a month for both, I believe. You could do one or the other.) and I'm saving for a few months to get rabbit ears. They're not expensive but not quite in the budget yet. I had to lease a car in order to get to treatment, but my payment is SIGNIFICANTLY less, I only have to pay for 3 years, and then I'll probably get a much cheaper car or go back to public transportation.

Honestly? $900 a month for rent for 4 people is a steal on the East Coast.

Buy in the bulk section (ex. a pound of Israeli couscous costs $3.45 in the bulk bins but around $8 if you buy it prepackaged), learn to love your legumes and stir fried type dishes, and you can cut back seriously on your food budget. If you don't have a yard, you can grow a fair bit of herbs in pots on the window sill. You can make whole salads out of basil! You can cut down significantly on your food budget that way and not have to resort to ramen.
 
Old 02-29-2012, 06:41 PM
 
4,338 posts, read 7,505,877 times
Reputation: 1656
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave5150 View Post
Because me staying at home and raising our children is more important than money. Its as simple as that. The last 4 years that ive been at home I have also been going to school so when my son goes to school I will start working in my career field and help my family. But if we had a small child still I would not be working. Its as simple as that.
Cash is king. You need money to raise children.
 
Old 02-29-2012, 06:42 PM
 
4,338 posts, read 7,505,877 times
Reputation: 1656
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChunkyMonkey View Post
Not sure why you're giving her such a hard time? It is her choice and they seem to be doing well. Money is not everything, it is much more important to have at least one parent at home especially during the formative years of children. I've seen some kids that are more attached to their nannies/babysitters than their parents. Anyway, she may decide to work when the kids are older so I don't think it is a problem in the least.

To the original poster, seems like it is a time to downsize. Your kids are both close to adulthood and will be leaving the nest soon. You should consider moving to a small apartment with lower rent and when your mom leaves her job or can't do the job anymore, you should move to a lower cost of living area.
Kid is a Liability. It cost money to raise children.
 
Old 02-29-2012, 07:51 PM
 
Location: Jersey
869 posts, read 1,493,881 times
Reputation: 880
Quote:
Originally Posted by Info Guy View Post
Cash is king. You need money to raise children.
You are correct that it costs money to raise children. Tolls also cost money. So does gas. And daycare. My child is not lacking ANYTHING by me staying home. Not one thing. HE has more toys than he knows what to do with and takes trips and has a full time parent. No one will ever tell me that him going to daycare is worth the extra 100 a week max i might bring home. Being a parent is more important.
 
Old 02-29-2012, 09:09 PM
 
4,338 posts, read 7,505,877 times
Reputation: 1656
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave5150 View Post
You are correct that it costs money to raise children. Tolls also cost money. So does gas. And daycare. My child is not lacking ANYTHING by me staying home. Not one thing. HE has more toys than he knows what to do with and takes trips and has a full time parent. No one will ever tell me that him going to daycare is worth the extra 100 a week max i might bring home. Being a parent is more important.
A kid is a big decision in your life and I have read that it cost about a quarter million dollar to raise 1 child in USA. A child will set you back if you want to pursue a career.
 
Old 03-01-2012, 03:42 AM
 
Location: Florida
23,171 posts, read 26,182,686 times
Reputation: 27914
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave5150 View Post
You are correct that it costs money to raise children. Tolls also cost money. So does gas. And daycare. My child is not lacking ANYTHING by me staying home. Not one thing. HE has more toys than he knows what to do with and takes trips and has a full time parent. No one will ever tell me that him going to daycare is worth the extra 100 a week max i might bring home. Being a parent is more important.
Much admiration for doing,yourself, the job you undertook to do........raising a child
 
Old 03-01-2012, 06:45 AM
 
Location: southwestern PA
22,568 posts, read 47,624,621 times
Reputation: 48188
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave5150 View Post
You are correct that it costs money to raise children. Tolls also cost money. So does gas. And daycare. My child is not lacking ANYTHING by me staying home. Not one thing. HE has more toys than he knows what to do with and takes trips and has a full time parent. No one will ever tell me that him going to daycare is worth the extra 100 a week max i might bring home. Being a parent is more important.
I totally agree!
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