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Old 09-20-2012, 01:42 PM
 
15,638 posts, read 26,245,163 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by glamatomic View Post
-We rarely buy anything 'new'. All of our furniture and decor is genuine 1950s (and we like it that way)
I am GREEN with envy.... love the 50's atomic looking stuff -- Heywood Wakefield is a passion of mine. Out here it's also WAY expensive so I don't have any. And people know it's highly sought after, so you can't luck out and find a bargain. Once the pros jump onto something, it's time to bail.

In a lot of ways I miss the old fashioned yard or estate sale. We don't have them anymore. We have antique people that run estate sales and cherry pick the best for themselves, or kids put the stuff in consignment stores (and out here Victoriana is the biggest most solid seller) so by the time you've hit yard sale time, pretty much all that's left is the junk that no one else will take.

At our thrift stores, a lot of the stuff donated is from Ikea or Target -- crap stuff that's been beaten up badly. Some of our thrift stores have taken to making their own furniture -- badly. Either that or they are buying up large lots of really badly made stuff to sell new.
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Old 09-20-2012, 01:55 PM
 
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,869 posts, read 16,312,651 times
Reputation: 29240
Quote:
Originally Posted by purehuman View Post
What does "not paying your fair share" mean?....does that mean we should have paid something for the great chair we got on the side of the road?...getting some things for free is VERY easy,...why would you think it might be unlawful?...where I live, people put used furniture and other things that they no longer want, but are too good to throw away, at the side of the road....usually within a matter of just a day or two, they're gone....I like that someone else is making use of these things, and the benefit for the giver is that they don't have to pay to have it hauled away to the dump.
Taking things that are on offer has nothing to do with paying your fair share.

Here are some examples of what I think is meant by "not paying your fair share" and being "cheap rather than frugal":

-Eating at a pot-luck when you didn't take anything and could have.
-Not chipping in for a group gift then signing the card.
-Insisting your spouse not buy the sofa she really likes and you can afford just because it's $100 more than another one.
-Tipping poorly or not at all.
-Never donating to charity when you can afford to.
-Never treating the children to something special "just because."
-Always giving the least expensive gift rather than being concerned with getting something appropriate to the recipient.
-Giving a $50 wedding gift to a couple that spent $200+ on the food and drink your family consumed at the reception (when you could afford to "pay your fair share").
-Pocketing every last hair conditioner and shower cap you won't even use, just because they are in your hotel room.
-Disparaging people who have nice things just because you wouldn't buy them/don't need them.
-Denying yourself pleasures in life you can afford and would enjoy just to get that extra dollar in the bank.

Please note I NEVER expect people to live beyond their means. I admire people who are reasonably frugal because they are not wasteful and help the environment (there's that "fair share" concept again). I think everyone should save for a rainy day; children should be taught that. But many people take those virtues to an extreme.

Have a generous heart. Be thoughtful. Put yourself in another's shoes. THAT doesn't cost anything.
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Old 09-21-2012, 12:56 AM
 
15,638 posts, read 26,245,163 times
Reputation: 30932
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jukesgrrl View Post
-Giving a $50 wedding gift to a couple that spent $200+ on the food and drink your family consumed at the reception (when you could afford to "pay your fair share").
The one thing I don't get about this issue (and I've seen it brought up a number of times, and even sort of agree with). How do you know how much to spend?

It's totally rude to walk up to a bride or bride's family and ask the cost of the plate so you can cover it with your gift. Nor do you want to appear rude by giving a cheap gift.

And yes -- people do notice and can get resentful about it.

And what if you know the price to cover and it's insanely obscenely high? Simply not go?
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Old 09-21-2012, 12:16 PM
 
10,624 posts, read 26,726,665 times
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I don't understand the wedding gift thing, either. I would NEVER expect guests to give a gift based on some sort of financial formula. We did not pay attention to the value of the wedding gifts we received. And for that matter, more expensive is not synonymous with better gift. I believe a focus on the price of a gift "cheapens" the whole point of a wedding and the gift. A thoughtful, meaningful wedding gift can be found at many price points.

If a couple or family wants to spend a fortune on a wedding, that is their choice. A wedding is a celebration of a new marriage. It is not a fundraising event. It is not a financial transaction. Yes, a gift is expected, but there is no set dollar value amount expected. A couple trying to recoup the cost of their wedding via gifts would be better off just eloping.
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Old 09-21-2012, 06:45 PM
 
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,869 posts, read 16,312,651 times
Reputation: 29240
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tallysmom View Post
The one thing I don't get about this issue (and I've seen it brought up a number of times, and even sort of agree with). How do you know how much to spend?

It's totally rude to walk up to a bride or bride's family and ask the cost of the plate so you can cover it with your gift. Nor do you want to appear rude by giving a cheap gift.

And yes -- people do notice and can get resentful about it.

And what if you know the price to cover and it's insanely obscenely high? Simply not go?
I don't think it's a hard and fast rule and by all means I would prefer a well-chosen, thoughtful gift over an expensive oddity any day of the week. But I know many people who have shelled out hundreds of dollars entertaining people (especially those who abuse an open bar) then received a toaster as a gift. I just think that's cheap.

If you are of modest financial means and are close to the marrying couple, that's not what I'm talking about. I've been invited to the weddings of extremely wealthy people. I couldn't possibly give a gift that would equal what the reception cost, nor would it compete with other things they received. So I knock myself out getting them something very personal and memorable. I also offer to help. I have made wedding programs, table decorations, pew decorations, taken photos, and done every other manner of helpful things if the bride took me up on my offer to help. I certainly wouldn't fail to attend just because my financial status is not equal.

But I was raised in an ethnic blue collar neighborhood where people gave money gifts to newlyweds. That's where I always heard the "at least pay for your meal" rule. My parents were concerned about their working-class peers having to bear the cost of entertaining their relatives, friends, and their childrens' friends without going broke. For many Americans that's not an issue. But in cases where it is, I'd say it's very thoughtful to take that into consideration.

As for knowing what a reception costs, prices vary widely depending on where you live. What people pay in a major city is quite different from what hosts pay in a small town. The bar bill is also a major portion of the cost. There's a big difference between an open bar and a champagne toast. Generally speaking, a dinner in a restaurant costs about $50 per person. A popular reception today is an hors d'oeuvres reception. That can cost $70 per person if it includes hot hors d'oeuvres, several food stations, and a wine bar. Sit-down dinners in a country club or an elegant catering facility are the most expensive. In that case, the hosts can easily be shelling out $300 per person. Obviously, you didn't ask the hosts to have a wedding like that, so no one expects a $600 gift from every couple. I'm only saying, think about "paying your fair share."

And there is a very simple and private way to find out what people are spending on entertaining you. The Internet. I can't think of single wedding reception site that doesn't have a web page. Check it out and you can determine the range of what they are charging. You will at least know if you are in the $50 or $350 ballpark. It would indeed be rude to pump the hosts for information but most people know what costs are in their own neighborhoods. And if the parents can only afford a tea party in the church basement to fete the happy couple, by all means you can give a gift worth MORE than what they spent.
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Old 09-22-2012, 03:18 PM
 
Location: West Paris
10,261 posts, read 12,507,136 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunnydee View Post
To me being frugal means getting the most bang for your buck, living below your means, saving for the future, and being prudent with your spending.

I do that.
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Old 09-23-2012, 12:25 PM
 
Location: Planet Earth
3,921 posts, read 9,126,600 times
Reputation: 1673
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tallysmom View Post
But I read yesterday somewher the average person spends about 1200 bucks on shoes every year. What? I bought a pair of sandals for my nieces wedding that ran 120 bucks and I'll be buying a new pair of Lands End all weather leather moc for 50. Those sandals are really good and comfortable and should carry me for a two years or three.... So I have four pairs of shoes -- my Lands end, my new balance sneakers, and two pairs of sandals.... I'm good for another year -- I usually buy a pair of sneaks and a moc yearly.
I read that it's something like $370 or something (but I think that was for women. For men it was less).
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Old 09-23-2012, 08:56 PM
 
Location: Leon, Gto. Mexico
111 posts, read 149,929 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by glamatomic View Post
I think Frugality means different things to different people.

For instance, my husband and I:

-have zero debt (no mortgage, no car payments, etc) same here
-I make most of our meals from scratch same here (maid)
-DH repairs our cars if need be and performs regular maintenance on them no (but our cars are from Japan/Korea and need very few maintenance)
-We only eat out about once a month or so, sometimes less no
-If we don't need it, we don't buy it yes
-I repair clothes rather than throwing them away no
-We rarely buy anything 'new'. All of our furniture and decor is genuine 1950s (and we like it that way) yes, but 1980s and closets are generally built in here and can be refurbished by carpenters for low money
-We don't have cable TV or anything (we don't have TV) same here (we only have one TV in our master bed room which is only for the child to watch children's DVDs, that way we can control his TV consumption much better as well)
-We're on a bare basics family plan for our cell phones same here
-DH rides his bicycle to work to save on gas money I would like to, but it's too dangerous in Mexico
-I use coupons where applicable pretty much inexistent in Mexico
-We don't have any 'techie' gadgets aside from our laptops (3 and 4 years old respectively)- no game systems or what not same here, this "round biten fruit" stuff seems to be the new fashion with well off people down here as well
-We save whatever we don't spend on necessities, and rarely splurge. same here
-We plan on growing our own vegetables next year we do have some fruit trees in our small garden

It's allowed us to buy a house outright, and our lifestyle will continue to ensure that we're able to save money in future due to our minimum overheads and necessary costs.

We don't believe in debt- just a simple, old fashioned lifestyle far removed from other couples in their 20s



In today's world, being financially prudent and escape the 0 down - low monthly payment trapmill is considered "old fashioned", etc.
Statements in bald
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Old 09-24-2012, 03:28 PM
 
13,511 posts, read 19,272,815 times
Reputation: 16580
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jukesgrrl View Post
Taking things that are on offer has nothing to do with paying your fair share.

Here are some examples of what I think is meant by "not paying your fair share" and being "cheap rather than frugal":

-Eating at a pot-luck when you didn't take anything and could have.
-Not chipping in for a group gift then signing the card.
-Insisting your spouse not buy the sofa she really likes and you can afford just because it's $100 more than another one.
-Tipping poorly or not at all.
-Never donating to charity when you can afford to.
-Never treating the children to something special "just because."
-Always giving the least expensive gift rather than being concerned with getting something appropriate to the recipient.
-Giving a $50 wedding gift to a couple that spent $200+ on the food and drink your family consumed at the reception (when you could afford to "pay your fair share").
-Pocketing every last hair conditioner and shower cap you won't even use, just because they are in your hotel room.
-Disparaging people who have nice things just because you wouldn't buy them/don't need them.
-Denying yourself pleasures in life you can afford and would enjoy just to get that extra dollar in the bank.

Please note I NEVER expect people to live beyond their means. I admire people who are reasonably frugal because they are not wasteful and help the environment (there's that "fair share" concept again). I think everyone should save for a rainy day; children should be taught that. But many people take those virtues to an extreme.

Have a generous heart. Be thoughtful. Put yourself in another's shoes. THAT doesn't cost anything.
Great post Jukesgrrl...I agree completely.
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Old 09-25-2012, 11:25 AM
 
Location: Ayrsley
4,713 posts, read 9,699,024 times
Reputation: 3824
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jukesgrrl View Post

-Tipping poorly or not at all.
And on top of this - if one is using a coupon or getting some other discount on their meal at a restaurant, the tip is to be made on the non-discounted total. If one can't / won't tip at least 15% for adequate service, one should not go out to eat.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Jukesgrrl View Post
-Disparaging people who have nice things just because you wouldn't buy them/don't need them.
Truth. I see this on this forum all the time. People who get holier than thou because of how other people choose to spend their money.
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