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I had a period in my life where I was poor. So very, very poor. I learned to get by on that income, but when things got so much better I had a difficult time living a bit better.
One example is clothes. I had three outfits that were decent for work. When not at work, I dressed in patched, frayed things and avoided social situations because of it. Finally, a friend's elderly mom told me I looked "raggedy." And, "No one wants to be around a raggedy-looking martyr who is doing it to herself. It's depressing!" Ouch.
Then there was food. Heat for the house. Towels. Little things that added up to a perverse lifestyle.
I'm still careful with my money. I was told today that I live on a shoestring. But, I have lots of inexpensive fun and some hobbies with many friends and don't think I'm "raggedy-looking" anymore!
I have found this thread really interesting. I wonder what the OP is thinking now?
LOL im still here reading. from what i see in the posts, most folks are broke or been through a time of no money, so they are the way they are.
myself, I have been broke all my life, ever since I was a child, now as an adult, and working, I just feel that if I have to save in order to not struggle if something bad happens. Some of my friends/co workers who called me cheap in the past, they have asked me to borrow money, and that is the bad thing about saving money, and people can use you. its hard for me to spend money lots of money for something that i can get cheaper, as i see it as pain and suffering (working) to get money. I cant justify working 8 hours and making 100 bucks after taxes, only to blow it on a nice restaurant in 25 minutes if i had a date. I would much rather leave her and find a woman that is frugal, which i know they are out there.
............ Some of my friends/co workers who called me cheap in the past, they have asked me to borrow money, and that is the bad thing about saving money, and people can use you. ...............
They can't use you if you do not allow it. Just some advice. Never allow anyone to know that you have money saved up.
Lots of people are perfectly happy to spend all of their own money and all of your money, too. You are not saving up money for your "friends" to enjoy. Just tell them no, and you should not have let them know that you had any savings in the first place.
They can't use you if you do not allow it. Just some advice. Never allow anyone to know that you have money saved up.
Lots of people are perfectly happy to spend all of their own money and all of your money, too. You are not saving up money for your "friends" to enjoy. Just tell them no, and you should not have let them know that you had any savings in the first place.
Its easier said than done, I have learned a few lessons here and there, but the worst is co-workers in the past who worked a min wage job, game me a SOB story, and they literally dont have 3 bucks to take the bus home, or really dont have any money left to buy groceries for their kids. Some of my past co workers spent like a fool, but some are really struggling and i just knew once i "borrowed" them money its very hard for them to pay me back.
They can't use you if you do not allow it. Just some advice. Never allow anyone to know that you have money saved up.
Lots of people are perfectly happy to spend all of their own money and all of your money, too. You are not saving up money for your "friends" to enjoy. Just tell them no, and you should not have let them know that you had any savings in the first place.
Your whole post is on point. I learned this the hard way. I'm done lending people money. I'm not a bank.
Some good advice I was given by a multimillionaire uncle.
He said, "Never loan money to friends or family. If you want them to have money, give it as a gift and don't expect to ever see it again".
I'm going to add to that: don't give money that you can not afford to give as a gift. If it is going to cause you even the slightest hardship if you never see it again, do not loan it or give it. Because odds are good that you will never see it again and in addition, it is very likely to cause hard feelings.
I pretty much have regulated myself to be frugal until my student loans are gone. I don’t go out, I’m not really searching for a girlfriend, I’m driving an old but nice looking Honda Accord and eat lots of bran flakes. I look at my neighbor with two jumbo sized a month car payments and student loan debt up to his ears and think why?
Once you have enough to cover your real basic needs and maybe a few simple wants ($40K/yr +/-), spending more is not going to make life more a lot more enjoyable (diminishing returns), more stuff doesn't buy more happiness. Once you grasp that, you no longer worry about crossing some imaginary line between frugal and happy.
That said, I will admit when I was 20-30 years younger I did believe that more money and more stuff would enhance status/happiness. And I would have said the paragraph above was complete hogwash - with age comes wisdom (hopefully)...
Some good advice I was given by a multimillionaire uncle.
He said, "Never loan money to friends or family. If you want them to have money, give it as a gift and don't expect to ever see it again".
I'm going to add to that: don't give money that you can not afford to give as a gift. If it is going to cause you even the slightest hardship if you never see it again, do not loan it or give it. Because odds are good that you will never see it again and in addition, it is very likely to cause hard feelings.
my Dad said the same thing and like you, I am prepared to consider it a gift if not paid back. and only then for keeping the wolf from the door type things for those I care for.
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