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I just had houseguest for the past 3 weeks and constantly had to scold them about excessive water usage, wasteful paper product consumption and even teach them about recycling. I live in a house of 5 adults and we have 1 black bag of trash a week. We shower daily in summer and every other in winter...30 below doesn't make you sweat.
These people rip off 4-5 paper towels every time they wash hands(clean hand towel always handy), use a new red heavy duty solo cup for water and throw it away. Every morning I was digging these cups from the trash to run through the dishwasher. I was teaching the kids about recycling/composting and when they asked Mom if they could do it too when they got home, she said NO. She explained that there were 2 adults and 2 kids and they only used 2 giant bags of trash ---every week! Yikes. So these people make 100k a year and I make 25k a year. When they visit , my water goes up $60 a month plus elect and for some reason they think I should buy all the food. I am proud of the fact that I even recycle flies I kill to feed my fish in the tank.
How do you deal with wasteful people like this when they are family? I think next year I will say I'm busy when they want to come up. Not only do they expect you to feed them 3 times a day but you can't work when they are here. Does anyone else have these kind of people showing every year? Am I just being cheap? Don't know but I've had family up for 7 weeks out of the last 3 months and have gotten $200 for providing/cooking 3 meals a day for 1- 3 people each time. Can frugality end family visits?
I only have one relative like this, a soon-to-be ex IL This person makes a lot of money ( let's say 7 figures to the not quite 6 we made here at the time of their last visit), and spends even more.They live in Vegas, which is pretty much known for excessive consumption, works long hours and pay through the nose for convenience. They think recycling is ridiculous, because their time is too valuable to "save the world" and besides, they don't care because God promised them heaven would be better, so who cares? (Not a slam on religion, just that it is mind-boggling to ME that anyone would think religion encouraged them to be wasteful because the earth doesn't matter. HUH???)
The solution was to suggest that they would be more comfortable in a hotel with a suite when they visit. For many reasons, but yes, also because the kind of waste they think nothing of makes me crazy.
Also? Since you live in an area where people are probably coming to "vacation for free", I think it is completely reasonable to ask that they chip in some how. I know it would be a sticky conversation, but really, IMO any decent house guest offers to help, brings something with them, etc.
How do you deal with wasteful people like this when they are family? I think next year I will say I'm busy when they want to come up. Not only do they expect you to feed them 3 times a day but you can't work when they are here. Does anyone else have these kind of people showing every year? Am I just being cheap? Don't know but I've had family up for 7 weeks out of the last 3 months and have gotten $200 for providing/cooking 3 meals a day for 1- 3 people each time. Can frugality end family visits?
Suggest they go to DisneyWorld, or take a cruise instead.
Saying you're busy will just lead to them asking when you aren't. Over and over.
Be brutally honest ..."We can't afford the excessive utility bills, the excessive food and supplies costs, and we can't afford to take the time away from work. Having guests at this time just causes too much havoc with our budget."
And then stick to your guns by repeatedly saying no when they don't accept you drawing the line.
(After 3 weeks, I told my friend to go park his 40 foot RV at a campground. He said but then he'd have to pay for space and water and power. I put my hand out. He moved to the campground. Didn't talk to me for 2 weeks. Oh well . Then he came back and took me to dinner )
I just had houseguest for the past 3 weeks and constantly had to scold them about excessive water usage, wasteful paper product consumption and even teach them about recycling. I live in a house of 5 adults and we have 1 black bag of trash a week. We shower daily in summer and every other in winter...30 below doesn't make you sweat.
These people rip off 4-5 paper towels every time they wash hands(clean hand towel always handy), use a new red heavy duty solo cup for water and throw it away. Every morning I was digging these cups from the trash to run through the dishwasher. I was teaching the kids about recycling/composting and when they asked Mom if they could do it too when they got home, she said NO. She explained that there were 2 adults and 2 kids and they only used 2 giant bags of trash ---every week! Yikes. So these people make 100k a year and I make 25k a year. When they visit , my water goes up $60 a month plus elect and for some reason they think I should buy all the food. I am proud of the fact that I even recycle flies I kill to feed my fish in the tank.
How do you deal with wasteful people like this when they are family? I think next year I will say I'm busy when they want to come up. Not only do they expect you to feed them 3 times a day but you can't work when they are here. Does anyone else have these kind of people showing every year? Am I just being cheap? Don't know but I've had family up for 7 weeks out of the last 3 months and have gotten $200 for providing/cooking 3 meals a day for 1- 3 people each time. Can frugality end family visits?
These people are totally taking advantage of you. You ask if you are being frugal BUT the real question is : What kind of people are these to treat your home like a hotel ?
Speaking of a hotel. They need to get one .
Next time they say they are coming I would say " Due to my financial situation I am no longer able to support er...take care of you " Don't let them beg and whine and promise to give you some chump change .
When I go out of town I pay for my hotel , food and gas. I don't stay at someone's house and expect to be treated like a newborn baby.
I have actually stayed at relatives ONCE and once was enough. They picked us up from the airport so we were stranded there at the house. They never wanted to go anywhere...remember we flew 3,000 miles to sit around alot.
Paper Towels : I use them for mostly counter wiping and use the bathroom handtowel to dry my hands.
Drink Cup : I use a disposable cup all day long and dispose of it the next day. Or I use a regular drinking glass.
These folks are not babies. They need to go to grocery store and BUY food for the houses they are staying in ( hopefully not yours anymore )
If they whine again about not being able to stay at your place , please post here .
From the other side - you are very forunate to have family, enjoy them.
As to the extra expense, when you know they are coming, make some simple changes:
*put the paper towels in a cubbard and only have washable towel out
*put the plastic cups in a cubbard and only use regular drinking cups, everyone knows these get washed.
*invite them to go grocery shopping with you, the day after they arrive, most guest will offer to pitch in (if not pay for all) the food while they are there. You can get things to make-ahead meals, and most will enjoy spending the time with you prepping these meals.
*invite them along with the chores- it appears there is a difference in lifestyle between you and them, they might enjoy it, or it sounds like the children would. Even if they don't (my sister, a city dweller, doesn't like farm chores) they could start the meal, or help with laundry or something while you are out doing chores.
I'm sure if you put a little thought and planing into their next visit, you can have some fun, not feel used, save the budget and most of all ENJOY YOUR FAMILY
I tend to agree with others that these people may be taking advantage of you. The poster above me has some good tips to alleviate that.
However, this sentence says a lot to me:
I really don't think you are passing the "Miss Manners" test if you are scolding their guests about some of their fairly minor transgressions.
Great advice along the posts......However I didn't really "scold" . I was teaching the kids about saving trees by using towels vs paper towels. I explained my compost bin on the counter and also the bigger one by the back door to be dumped when full, I showed them the Dog bowl, for food they might like, I taught them to love the 2 sheep and showed them the Sheep bowl by the sink and showed them the recycle bottle bag..
Granted the 10 year old was fascinated and asked her Mom why they couldn't save trees too. She says, too busy. So I tried the educational and fun approach to things. If I say "scold" it is basically, use the hand towel save a tree. (I tend to think if I open my mouth it is seen as "scolding...my weird thing that goes way back)
But, I have taken my sis to the store upon arrival and she loads up the cart with that commercial "kid crapf". I have gone along before thinking that once at the checkout she would pay...she took off and went outside. Then the organic friend does the same.. and we know about organic pricing. But, that is griping. I shop the outer aisles and make a weekly menu since I am cooking.
I guess the prob is everyone comments it is like coming to a great b&b and they gained 10#. I guess I haven't had a prob before cuz they went to the expense to come see me. I suppose that I work like the devil, live within my means (and still very well) and don't get why visitors wouldn't consider the monetary aspect. I am proud of the fact that I scrimp daily to live well and someone could show up and never consider looking at prices or considering the cost. Is it because they live in a hustle bustle metro and are too busy to notice what things cost?
(and a response for the miss manners......try inviting the organic friend and she shows up with a friend you never met for a week, they buy no food and the final meal I make is 4"brandy pepperrcorn filets, alfredo and asparagus w/australian pinot.....cost me $65 for the 4 of us). She flies home that night and calls to say she "might" bring her hubby back to meet me if I wear a bra. So, I chose to cook in my normal attire of sweats and a t, w/hair in a ponytail. Guess those people bringing home 100k a year might take offense to my frugal dressing too?)
Never the mind, I think I'm done with spendthrift guests for a few years.
I had a family reunion with a similar problem. The 1st couple of times we got together mom volunteered to supply food and cook for the 12 of us. She spent the entire weekend in the kitchen. While she never complained, it bugged me. So, the 3rd time I arranged it so everyone was responsible for cooking one day. They handled the menu, brought the food, etc. Everybody loved it. It has been that way since. And mom got a nice break.
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. Then he came back and took me to dinner 
)
