I have my opinions on what works for me (and might not work for others), but the main part of the OP that fascinates me is the language, which disparages "judgemental" attitudes but then wades into that attitude with both feet, wallowing up to at least waist high.
The use of the phrase "we should" is not only judgemental, but supercilious. The "we" in such phrases is sometimes referred to as the "royal" we. Starting off a discussion with a "we should" indicates to many of us that no discussion is wanted or will be entertained, and that only confluence and accolades are wanted.
The interjection of "I don't smoke" has NOTHING to do with the activities of another person,and is simply preening, again in a manner that is judgemental.
There is a comment that may relate to the real question posed by the post:
"She loves to say make friends with people with the toys..." That CAN appear to be taking advantage of friends and living a life that is above the individual's station in life. That is also judgemental, but there is a sense of unfairness in such behavior that can be off-putting, especially in people who work hard for small rewards in life and don't get breaks. That questioning deserves comment and discussion.
The very first thing that comes to my mind is that "It takes two to tango." Friends are only taken advantage of to the extent that they themselves allow it. Rejection of such "leeches" and behavior is more common than not. On the other hand, those who amass toys and money often do so for the feeling of power they get when others are envious or even when they take advantage. There can be a psychological kick that people get out of being "taken advantage of" or being the source of largess. The game between those with toys and those who want to play with them is generally consensual.
A second point is that "fairness" is not a concept that exists in nature the way that most people think of it. There are balancings of extremes that occur within systems, there are quid pro quo exchanges, but "fairness" is purely a philosophical concept that many seek as a goal. That a woman has the ability to ingratiate herself in a way that makes life more pleasurable for her is simply a behavior. It might not be an ethical behavior within some moral systems, but is only a minor blip compared to such behaviors as genocide, calculated theft or murder, social climbing by the destruction of others.
Turning it back to frugality, such behavior may seem very frugal for her. To the extent that it succeeds, and to the extent that others don't mind, there is no particular need for judgment. If it were to rise to the point of her stealing from her "friends" then the law would judge.
I can think of many very prominent and wealthy people who got where they were in life by unethical behaviors, some of which are abhorrent to me. I try not to waste my emotional energy on holding anger towards them and allowing it to affect my mood.
Quote:
Originally Posted by petch751
Sometimes I'm frugal, other times I am not. We should not waste money but we should not be so cheap that we don't enjoy life. My uncle was so cheap and was very judgemental of how others spent money. He is now old and miserable and has said he should have enjoyed life more.
A gf and her bf brag about their money but are also so cheap. People say having her around costs them money. I don't smoke, I drink on occasion. She is not taking care of herself (it costs money) but will spend on cigarettes and ALOT on drinking and is also judgmental. She loves to say make friends with people with the toys... I've also become annoyed so rarely make plans with her anymore.
Do people like this hear themselves, care that they take advantage of friends? I don't understand, I do get that some people have to be frugal but others ? ...
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