Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I've recently discovered that my uncle (Mom's brother) died. How I found out was while doing a periodic google on the names of relatives. And now, I'm left to inform my mother that her brother died 3 months ago, because no one told her It's fun to live in a dysfunctional family
From a genealogical POV, it becomes even more aggravating. For some reason, Uncle's obit left out his biological children (born to his first lawfully wedded wife) and substituted his step-children as his own. Through some cosmic concatenation, his second wife was married to a man with the same surname as my uncle, even though there is no blood relation. So, unless you are well acquainted with the family, it does appear that his step-children are his biological begets.
I sat there and mulled over the dilemma for a few moments, spat out a few cuss words, then filled in his block on my family tree with the correct connections. I researched the second wife's family to find out the identity of her first husband; bio-father to her children; and made sure to include obits and records so there will be no mistake. Then I list my uncle's first wife, adding in his bio-kids in proper sequence. I couldn't forbear from adding a snarky comment "Keeping it correct for posterity, folks" in the description box.
That situation also brings home to me the instances where I've researched lines and ended up with some head scratching situations. In one census a child is listed with its parents, but the next census shows that child living with and aunt, uncle, or grandparent, even though the bio-parents are still alive. Or there will be the appearance of a marital estrangement or divorce - wife and kids living under the same roof as the husband/father in one period, but the wife and kids living with relatives in the next, even though the husband is still alive. I've sometimes wondered "hmmm, I wonder what was going around the family gossip line back then?"
That brings it back to my day. A hundred years from now, whatever caused the squabbles and estrangement will most likely be lost, or tenuous bits of family lore. What went on between my uncle and his kids is none of my business; I never inquired; but I'm not going to muck up my tree just to accommodate family squabbles.
That situation also brings home to me the instances where I've researched lines and ended up with some head scratching situations. In one census a child is listed with its parents, but the next census shows that child living with and aunt, uncle, or grandparent, even though the bio-parents are still alive.
There's a lot of possible reasons for that, I've seen it several times in my tree with the child even sometimes living with unrelated neighbors! It may be as simple as the family not having room/money for all their children so other arrangements with neighbors or extended family are made for their care. Or maybe the grandparents are getting too old to manage their household on their own so one of the grandkids is sent to help them with the chores. It's not necessarily a family squabble that split them up but you're right that if it was, that history may be lost forever. This is why journals, not just family trees, are so important.
Quote:
That brings it back to my day. A hundred years from now, whatever caused the squabbles and estrangement will most likely be lost, or tenuous bits of family lore. What went on between my uncle and his kids is none of my business; I never inquired; but I'm not going to muck up my tree just to accommodate family squabbles.
I agree, I want my tree to be as accurate as possible but you have to remember it's not just your tree, it's your Uncle's too. And if he or his wife wanted his obituary to say certain things and leave out other certain things, that's their right.
Depends....my one ancestor, born circa 1790, had 3 wives (all named Mary). Married wife 1 abt 1818, had 4 sons, and died giving birth to the last one, circa 1830. He left all 4 in the care of her parents, as is evidenced by the census records. He remarried about 1831, had 3 MORE sons with his second wife, and she died giving birth to their last son, in 1839. Wouldn't you know it, he left all 3 of these children to be raised by his dead wife's 2 spinster sisters. He remarried a third time, had no more children but 1 step-daughter, and I honestly can't tell you what happened after that. Supposedly he lived till 1886, but not in the 1880 census, no headstone, no record of him anywhere past 1870, who knows. In any case, I can't blame his progeny for not caring enough about him to give him a proper burial site (his first two wives have them!). He had 7 sons, and none of them lived with him long enough to grow up.
I agree, I want my tree to be as accurate as possible but you have to remember it's not just your tree, it's your Uncle's too. And if he or his wife wanted his obituary to say certain things and leave out other certain things, that's their right.
Which is why I included the obit in his block, but when it came to organizing the family relationships, I was determined to be accurate. People can compare the two and conjecture, but at least an accurate view of the DNA relationships will be passed down.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ker8
Depends....my one ancestor, born circa 1790, had 3 wives (all named Mary). <snippage of description of multiple wives and kids>
*snort* "Babydaddies" is not 20th century construct is it? I bet then, as now, the friends and families of the women he married probably muttered the same "what do they see in such a loser?"
Therein lies the weakness of genealogy. I do more than look at records, I subscribe to newspaper archives, scan online books, and often buy published works of genealogists who investigated a common family line. I'd like to get some small idea of "who" these people were. Unless, as PA2UK says, someone leaves a journal, we're left with nothing but detective work and intuition. And I guess that raises another question: if a family researcher includes things like obits, quotes from 19th century county histories, and news articles, do you include the unsavory stuff as well as the laudatory?
A distant cousin and I were mulling over including news articles about an ancestor who was convicted of murder and died in prison. The convict was a closer relative to my cousin than me; she was wondering whether to break the news of that discovery to the g-g-grandkids of the ancestor in question. We eventually decided to go ahead and not try to whitewash the man's history and she related the news to those descendants. Reasoning was it would be better to hear it from a relative than for those direct descendants to find out in a cold fashion from their own (possible) research. Myself - I questioned the guilt of the man from reading the news articles. Something just seemed off about that case. Who knows that someone may take up interest in his case and reveal something that might prove his innocence or the extenuating circumstances of why the killing occurred
Sometimes, events in the lives of people aren't so dramatic, but they still might have committed venal acts. I came across one relative who was a frequent name in the town's police blotter. Drunk and disorderly; aggravated assault; domestic violence - the guy was a real winner, that's fer sure As a matter of constructing a mini-bio of that guy, should such things be included? Family history may be constructed where all that relatives will say about him was that he was a "mean son-of-a-b*", but should the facts in the family tree reflect that?
It's unfortunate that people sometimes mess things up then often "stick to their guns," insisting the wrong info is right. On the other hand some people can maintain a sense of humor. Once I mentioned to a relative that distant ancestors of ours were married in April and had their first child in July of the same year. The response was: "Oh, a premature birth."
'It's unfortunate that people sometimes mess things up then often "stick to their guns," insisting the wrong info is right.'
Yes - the Latter Day Saints (including a distant cousin whose husband is important in that Church) totally refuse to admit that my gt-gt-grandmother did other than die unmarried - whereas she married twice and had six children before she moved to our settlement in Chubut, Argentina, and at least thirty grandchildren spread over at least thee continents. I insist on existing, however, as do all the crowded mass of us descendants!
"her brother died 3 months ago, because no one told her" I can relate.... yeah my family has stellar communication skills like that too irks me to no end.
Most of the time it was because of a death that children were separated from family.
I have several instances in our family that the Mom died and the kids lived with relatives from then on. During really hard times, (depression) people let their kids live with neighbors even to keep them from starving since they had no job/food/home.
And yes, there have been several murders in our family research - if someone wants to know, I have the research on it. But in just the plain old records, all they see is deceased date of course.
LOL Both sides of my family have alot of issues! When talking to the older relatives I heard all their complaints and accusations about other family members. It seems the older some of them get, the wilder the stories get. My great great aunt just died this summer. She was only associating with my mom and I. So we had to inform the rest of our family, which wasn't a pleasant thing. My gg aunt had an aunt (my ggg aunt) that died last year and that aunt would only talk to my grandma. LOL
Luckily my husbands family are easy to talk to. They don't have any long standing issues, so that makes genealogy alot easier.
quote: "Sometimes, events in the lives of people aren't so dramatic, but they still might have committed venal acts. I came across one relative who was a frequent name in the town's police blotter. Drunk and disorderly; aggravated assault; domestic violence - the guy was a real winner, that's fer sure As a matter of constructing a mini-bio of that guy, should such things be included? Family history may be constructed where all that relatives will say about him was that he was a "mean son-of-a-b*", but should the facts in the family tree reflect that?"
I vote for yes, definitely. It is so boring to just list the happy highlights- or worse still, nothing (just names & dates) than to include all the data- good & bad- that turns up. Don't forget, personalities as well as medical issues can be inherited and a nut way back in the family tree can explain a lot.
When talking to the older relatives I heard all their complaints and accusations about other family members. It seems the older some of them get, the wilder the stories get.
*sigh* Sing it . My mother is one of the last depositories of personal info for her side of the family. Asking one question is an opening for her to spend the next 30 minutes ranting about the faults, slights and imaginary trouble that person caused her "all my life!" I try to curb her by saying "just the facts, ma'am" or "MOM! QUIT WITH THE EDITORIAL COMMENTS!" I've tried asking for the information in a letter; her notes are usually short and brief; but genealogical questions brings out the Hemingway in her. I get multi-page screeds detailing the manifest evils of the subject I'm pursuing, with a few truculent facts at the end. When I tell her that her letters will be archived with all my other documentation, I get a "good! I want that sumbitch's kids to know just what I thought of him!"
I swear, I'll stick to pouring over records and spending hours doing internet research. I gather more information that way and without a headache at the the end.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It's fun to live in a dysfunctional family 
As a matter of constructing a mini-bio of that guy, should such things be included? Family history may be constructed where all that relatives will say about him was that he was a "mean son-of-a-b*", but should the facts in the family tree reflect that?
irks me to no end.
