Looking for biological dad, we met once. (find, search, adoption)

[danielle74]

I am trying to find my biological father. His name is Steven (Stephen) Charles Allen. You were possibly born in 1952. I was told you grew up in Southern California, have a mom that goes by Bobbi and a dad and sister that may live in Maryland or Maine.
My mother's name is Karen and that you and my mom ran off together when she was 17 years old. And also that you came to see me once when I was about 1 years old. My mom lived in Lakewood in 1974.

If any of this rings a bell...please contact me. It would be nice to meet you.
But i do have some information that i will be verifying with you to make sure you are him.

Thanks

[bjh]

You are more likely to find help searching out living relatives in the people search forum:

//www.city-data.com/forum/people-search/

[slowlane3]

And include your dad's name up front, in the title of your message thread to save a zillion readers from wasting time clicking on your thread in vain.

[Padgett2]

If he was interested in you, he would have kept up with you. Since he didn't, there is a good chance that he would prefer that you stay out of his life.

Do you really think it's such a great idea to try to find him ?

I understand your wanting to know him. My father was killed when I was only 4 months old. I would have loved to have known him. But there is also the chance that I would not have liked him or that he didn't measure up to what I thought a father should be.

Perhaps wondering about your father would better than finding out for sure.

[TribalCat]

It's better to find out for sure than to wonder about it forever. If I hadn't searched for my birthparents who gave me up for adoption when I was born, I would never have the wonderful and loving relationships that I have with my birthfamilies today. A few of my siblings aren't interested in getting to know me, and that's okay, but my birthparents were thrilled when I found them. Go for it. No matter what you find, you won't lose what you already have.

[bjh]

You can't lose what you don't have. But you could lose an ideal image that may have formed in your mind.

[RVcook]

Originally Posted by TribalCat

It's better to find out for sure than to wonder about it forever...

Couldn't agree more.

Padgett2: Sometimes there are circumstances that prevent contact from happening. And as mature adults, we must certainly prepare ourselves for the possibility that we will find someone other than who we have imagined.

But if we really want to know more about who we are, then we must be willing to look the unknown in the face. Discounting one of your birth parents because you don't know them, or may not like what you find is like discounting one half of yourself. I applaud the OP's courage.

RVcook

[TribalCat]

Originally Posted by bjh

You can't lose what you don't have. But you could lose an ideal image that may have formed in your mind.

An ideal image isn't real. Eventually you have to realize that birthparents, all parents, are just human with human flaws, and accept them for that. You're telling her to hold onto an image instead of taking a chance and perhaps finding a reality she can really hold on to. That's cowardice, and it would be a shame. No matter what you find at the end, it's the truth, and that's better than believing in a lie.

I think she's brave for wanting to wanting to find him, and I wish her luck.

[bjh]

"An ideal image isn't real."

That's the point!

[danielle74]

Originally Posted by bjh

"An ideal image isn't real."

That's the point!

I do not have an image of him, I don't even remember meeting him, I was only 1 years old.
I was told that he came to see me by my mother. But my grandfather told him to never come back.

So really you don't have a point because you don't know the whole of it. Sometimes it's better to find out before speaking.