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I think the woman ought to just leave her mom out of it and research as she pleases. If she finds out something that has an actual, CURRENT impact on her relationship with her mother and she's simply GOT to have her mother's cooperation some sort of way to deal with a current ramification of this new information, only then should she press the issue with her mom (and frankly, I can't think of anything that falls into that category).
If what she unearths consists of a lie that her mother continues to perpetrate, then I think she has the right to tell her mother not to lie to her about it anymore, but unless this lie has definite and serious ramifications for others, then she just needs to leave it alone because that's between her mom and other people.
She has every right to find out the truth about her own ancestry and family history. This is all part of that "karma karma" bidness - or as the old country saying goes, "Everybody's chickens come home to roost eventually."
A good movie about just this sort of thing is "The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood."
I dont know if this is where this belongs but my sister has this co worker and she started digging into her family background and found out some things about her family and her mother was upset and did not want to talk about it . Now this happened well over 25 years ago , and the co worker told all the girls in the office that her mother was upset . My question is why would you want to keep digging especially when your mother was very upset over this ? I think some things are better left in the past especially when it does not concern health or wealth , what do the rest of you say ?
Your relatives are just other strangers you happen to be related to and know better.
We have EVERY RIGHT to know the sordid or fabulous history.
If ancestry makes no difference, Great! That'll make things really easy when people are always complaining "Hispanics discovered Florida" or African Americans are telling us about slavery over and over and over and over.
I think living people have a right to privacy. Dead people don't have those same rights.
For example, say your sibling is having an affair. Do you have a right to know about it? If so, why? It's none of your business unless she involves you in some way.
I don't think that anyone is going to agree that someone should stop researching their own ancestry because her mother was upset by it. It is her right to know who she is and where she comes from.
I agree with the person that the fear would make me even more interested in finding out who the ancestors were!
I remember an episode of Frasier when they though that they were descended from royalty and instead discovered that they were descended from "thieves and whores". LOL. It was so funny....
Your relatives are just other strangers you happen to be related to and know better.
We have EVERY RIGHT to know the sordid or fabulous history.
If ancestry makes no difference, Great! That'll make things really easy when people are always complaining "Hispanics discovered Florida" or African Americans are telling us about slavery over and over and over and over.
I think it is good to know family history because it lets us better know who we are and how we got to where we are. I don't think she should bother a mother that does not want to deal with it though. Do your research and leave Mom out of it.
I don't think that anyone is going to agree that someone should stop researching their own ancestry because her mother was upset by it. It is her right to know who she is and where she comes from.
I agree with the person that the fear would make me even more interested in finding out who the ancestors were!
I remember an episode of Frasier when they though that they were descended from royalty and instead discovered that they were descended from "thieves and whores". LOL. It was so funny....
Sometimes you can find out the ancestors are both royalty and the other mentioned thing and they could be the same people.
While we are not "owed" our family history, we most certainly have a "right" to it. The first implies that someone else has an obligation to provide it to us. And they don't.
However, one of the great things I think about doing genealogy is learning that every one of our ancestors is important. The kings, the thieves, the unwed mothers. Without any one of them, we wouldn't be here. Knowing the stories behind the cold hard facts of dates of death, birth, etc. ... well, that's what makes it so interesting. That and the connections of people and places in which they lived.
Depending on what the "painful" past occurrences are, would affect my feelings about it. If it was something that happened to her, that's certainly her business. But "in the family"? I've had relatives who "didn't want to talk about" certain family lines or members. Because of things like illegitimacy, divorce, financial troubles, criminal charges. But talking to them, I started telling them stories about some of the scoundrels in my family tree ... and they then started opening up. It seems people and families suppress those stories out of a sense of shame or embarrassment, thinking they're the only ones who have them. But they're not. Everyone does. And if you don't ... you're not doing very thorough research.
I would say that even if my mother was upset and didn't want to know about something in our family history, that's fine for her, but it's MY family history too, and I have every right to look into it. We're mostly talking about public records, which are already public.
Some people might choose to ignore things in their family history and wish to keep it buried, but some of us are after truth and facts, whether they turn out to be positive or negative. I believe that our family history, even events that happened long before we were born, affect us, because they directly or indirectly affected the people who raised us.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RVcook
Yeah...that was almost an exact quote from my aunt when I started my own family research many years ago. Of course I have found that the more evasive or upset a person is about what I've found or questions I've asked, the harder I want to dig.
Secrets are an inevitable part of this hobby. While my own mother was appalled at what I discovered about her family, I (on the other hand) just shrugged it off because the past is the past.
Regardless of how the mother feels, if the person wants to research her family, then she should certainly go ahead and do it. But she should also not expect any assistance or confirmation as she keeps digging and certainly, out of respect for her mother's feelings, she should not share what she does find.
Just my 2-cents, FWIW.
RVcook
Just adds to the mystery.
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