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Old 09-19-2017, 07:46 AM
 
Location: Lexington, Kentucky
8,205 posts, read 4,508,532 times
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Theoretically, if you submitted your DNA to a site like My Heritage and they find a really close match to you....first cousin once removed. So you contact this person, and to find the relationship....and suppose you get back a note from the person, that they don't know....The person's parents had problems conceiving, so they used a donor. And the only thing she knows about the Donor is that they were a student or Professor in Palo Alto.
Since most of your family live in another state, and you only think of two or three possibilities, that it could remotely be...and you aren't even sure of that....what would you do? Send you cousins a note and ask about it...or try to help the new found cousin...or stay out of the whole situation?
Just call me curious.
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Old 09-19-2017, 11:06 AM
 
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Me personally... I would probably contact the possible donor and let them know. It's their choice whether to respond back or not.
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Old 09-19-2017, 05:52 PM
 
3,486 posts, read 5,145,810 times
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MyHeritage seems to think DNA relationships are closer than they really are. I would upload both raw data results to GEDmatch to get a more accurate idea of the distance of the relationship. You may be looking at relatives that are too close to you.
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Old 09-19-2017, 06:57 PM
 
Location: Colorado (PA at heart)
9,255 posts, read 14,312,034 times
Reputation: 12070
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazee Cat Lady View Post
Theoretically, if you submitted your DNA to a site like My Heritage and they find a really close match to you....first cousin once removed. So you contact this person, and to find the relationship....and suppose you get back a note from the person, that they don't know....The person's parents had problems conceiving, so they used a donor. And the only thing she knows about the Donor is that they were a student or Professor in Palo Alto.
Since most of your family live in another state, and you only think of two or three possibilities, that it could remotely be...and you aren't even sure of that....what would you do? Send you cousins a note and ask about it...or try to help the new found cousin...or stay out of the whole situation?
Just call me curious.
If you don't know who the donor is, then you can't know for sure it's a 1st cousin once removed. That's only an estimate and on MyHeritage, they provide an estimated range, so it's possible this person is more distantly related than that. I have found they are overestimating relationships compared to other companies, so I'd be careful assuming they are as close as a 1st cousin once removed. That means the donor could be more distantly related from you as well.

Personally, I wouldn't ask any of my family members a question like that. Especially if you have a few options, and it's possible the donor is actually more distantly related to you than you think. That means getting at least 1 or 2 people you ask wrong, which means you've now revealed someone's private business to 1 or 2 other family members. I just don't think that's right. Maybe if you narrowed it down to one person and you're 90% sure it's them... but it sounds like there's still a lot of unknowns and variables and I don't think it would be right to go around asking multiple family members personal questions about one of them regarding something which I'm pretty sure is supposed to be confidential.

I would provide my tree for the match to make use of (living people privatized of course, as per genealogical standards)... if they manage to figure out who the donor was from that, great. I'm also not going to give this person contact info for family members - that's also something they'd have to track down on their own.
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