U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Covid-19 Information Page
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Genealogy
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 12-18-2018, 11:02 AM
 
Location: Mammoth Lakes, CA
3,281 posts, read 7,220,491 times
Reputation: 8023

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Izzie1213 View Post
Questions for those who use these searches. Have you gotten totally unexpected results that threw you off on who you are blood related to?
Yes, I found out my father wasn't my father. To say that was shocking would be an understatement. My mother lied to me all those years and since she is dead, I have no way of getting answers. At least I have discovered a half sister with whom I text and chat, and am planning on meeting her soon.

I have read that 3% of people who take a DNA test discover their father was not their biological father.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-03-2019, 02:30 PM
 
Location: Round Rock, TX
1,302 posts, read 3,618,717 times
Reputation: 748
This just happened to me recently. I had done my DNA on 23andMe a year or so ago and my sister recently decided to do hers as well and it turned out we are half-sisters now! Different fathers.



It was always suspected in the family that I may not be "dad's" daughter and fingers were pointing at a different guy my mom hung out with at the time she was dating my dad. While I don't look much like my brother and sister - they take more after dad's side of the family while I look more like my mother and her side.



Whatever happened, my mom took her secret to the grave when she passed 12 years ago. Right now I'm waiting on a letter from a best friend of hers she hung out with back then to see if she is carrying mom's secret with her - or just knows. She doesn't have email and lives in England (where my mom was from before her and friend moved to New York to start new lives at 18).



If she doesn't know, then I have no idea how I'll find out who he is.



Since no one from my bio-dad's side of the family is coming up on me 23andMe matches I was thinking of doing a profile on Ancestry.com so my DNA can be spread out more (I already uploaded my DNA to GEDMatch.com).



My question is can I just set up a profile on Ancestry.com without having to pay the $20/mo to use any of the search services - just leave my DNA there and wait for a hit pretty much? There's no point in me utilizing all the documents searches and everything if I'm not sure who the guy is (most of the people are dead from that era anyway!).



TIA!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-03-2019, 03:57 PM
 
Location: Somewhere
1,498 posts, read 2,004,203 times
Reputation: 2942
Quote:
Originally Posted by mickey65 View Post

Since no one from my bio-dad's side of the family is coming up on me 23andMe matches I was thinking of doing a profile on Ancestry.com so my DNA can be spread out more (I already uploaded my DNA to GEDMatch.com).

My question is can I just set up a profile on Ancestry.com without having to pay the $20/mo to use any of the search services - just leave my DNA there and wait for a hit pretty much? There's no point in me utilizing all the documents searches and everything if I'm not sure who the guy is (most of the people are dead from that era anyway!).

TIA!

You cannot upload raw DNA to Ancestry. You would need to buy a test from them. You would not need to buy one of their subscriptions though to get your DNA matches and be able to send messages to them.


You can upload your raw DNA to My Heritage which will expand your match pool. This service with My Heritage is currently free. We did and were surprised by the amount of matches we had there.


I am also really surprised that you said you had no matches on your bio-Dad's side show up on 23and me (since you do not know him how would you know??). With the number of matches I would think someone from his side would have to have tested. It is time consuming to sort your matches but there are tools that could help you (Leeds method etc). I'm sure there has to be some matches to your bio father and once you build out trees for those matches you might find out who your bio dad is.



What is the CM amount for some of your top matches in 23andme and do you know for sure if they are on your mother's side?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-04-2019, 05:09 AM
 
Location: NJ
12,561 posts, read 22,530,117 times
Reputation: 11482
Quote:
Originally Posted by mickey65 View Post
This just happened to me recently. I had done my DNA on 23andMe a year or so ago and my sister recently decided to do hers as well and it turned out we are half-sisters now! Different fathers.



It was always suspected in the family that I may not be "dad's" daughter and fingers were pointing at a different guy my mom hung out with at the time she was dating my dad. While I don't look much like my brother and sister - they take more after dad's side of the family while I look more like my mother and her side.



Whatever happened, my mom took her secret to the grave when she passed 12 years ago. Right now I'm waiting on a letter from a best friend of hers she hung out with back then to see if she is carrying mom's secret with her - or just knows. She doesn't have email and lives in England (where my mom was from before her and friend moved to New York to start new lives at 18).



If she doesn't know, then I have no idea how I'll find out who he is.



Since no one from my bio-dad's side of the family is coming up on me 23andMe matches I was thinking of doing a profile on Ancestry.com so my DNA can be spread out more (I already uploaded my DNA to GEDMatch.com).



My question is can I just set up a profile on Ancestry.com without having to pay the $20/mo to use any of the search services - just leave my DNA there and wait for a hit pretty much? There's no point in me utilizing all the documents searches and everything if I'm not sure who the guy is (most of the people are dead from that era anyway!).



TIA!
So sorry to hear what happened. I know it's very shocking. We just had another poster who found out at age 60 that they were adopted. Here is the thread if you'd like to jump in it //www.city-data.com/forum/genea...st-told-i.html Others have shared their stories as well.

I gave them the name of a FB group for people finding a different parent with DNA, here is the info. The poster above has also found a few other places to get support so contact them if you'd like to know where.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Roselvr View Post
Found an article. It's a secret Facebook group called DNA NPE Friends—NPE is short for “Not Parent Expected".


When a DNA Test Shatters Your Identity To join DNA NPE Friends, you first have to apply through a closed but public “gateway” group on Facebook.

Quote:
Originally Posted by NRaleigh Mom View Post
You cannot upload raw DNA to Ancestry. You would need to buy a test from them. You would not need to buy one of their subscriptions though to get your DNA matches and be able to send messages to them.


You can upload your raw DNA to My Heritage which will expand your match pool. This service with My Heritage is currently free. We did and were surprised by the amount of matches we had there.
To see directions on how to upload to the free sites, My Heritage, FTDNA, GEDmatch and GEDmatch Genesis, see my thread //www.city-data.com/forum/genea...l#post52497844 scroll to Now to the DNA. I also have directions in this thread too //www.city-data.com/forum/genea...l#post53361961 which explains what My Heritage changed as of December 17th. Family matches are still free. Last I saw they weren't sure what the charge will be to get chromosome browser and a few other tools. IMO it's very much worth the charge. FTDNA gives family matches free. If you want ethnicity, chromosome browser and ancient something or another it's a $19 charge. I paid it for mine but not my other 7 samples I have uploaded. I find My Heritages site to be superior to all of the other ones.

Also, if you figure out what ethnicity you are there are FB groups that match your GEDmatch and Genesis kits to members of their groups. I belong to Scottish, English, Irish, Polish and Hungarian. Some people get really lucky breaking down walls this way. Just search the ethnicity with the word DNA; it should come up. You will have to supply your GEDmatch kit number when joining.


Quote:
Originally Posted by NRaleigh Mom View Post
I am also really surprised that you said you had no matches on your bio-Dad's side show up on 23and me (since you do not know him how would you know??). With the number of matches I would think someone from his side would have to have tested. It is time consuming to sort your matches but there are tools that could help you (Leeds method etc). I'm sure there has to be some matches to your bio father and once you build out trees for those matches you might find out who your bio dad is.



What is the CM amount for some of your top matches in 23andme and do you know for sure if they are on your mother's side?
This is on my list of things to learn in 2019. I found out about it a few weeks ago; so have some links for the OP

Leeds method google search

Dana Leeds blog

DNA Color Clustering: The Leeds Method for Easily Visualizing Matches which explains DNA Color Clustering: The Method

Last edited by Roselvr; 01-04-2019 at 05:26 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-04-2019, 10:52 PM
 
Location: Round Rock, TX
1,302 posts, read 3,618,717 times
Reputation: 748
Quote:
Originally Posted by NRaleigh Mom View Post

I am also really surprised that you said you had no matches on your bio-Dad's side show up on 23and me (since you do not know him how would you know??). With the number of matches I would think someone from his side would have to have tested. It is time consuming to sort your matches but there are tools that could help you (Leeds method etc). I'm sure there has to be some matches to your bio father and once you build out trees for those matches you might find out who your bio dad is.



The only matches I am seeing on 23andMe and GEDmatch are 3rd/4th cousins. I'm hoping to find matches closer than that - aunts, uncles, first/second cousins, etc. I'm almost 54 so I'm hoping for relatives on my bio-dad's side to still be alive.



I don't have much to go on, no names really. I'm just waiting (and hoping!) my mom's friend in England has some news for me but its all snail mail with her and I'm waiting on her reply.



I just paid for a DNA test with Ancestry.com. So I'll get that together for that website and see what comes up.



I'll do Heritage also. Just put my DNA out in as many places as I can to see what comes up!


I took a look at that Leeds Method thing and it just looks a bit complicated and confusing! Yikes!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-05-2019, 02:41 AM
 
Location: NJ
12,561 posts, read 22,530,117 times
Reputation: 11482
Quote:
Originally Posted by mickey65 View Post
The only matches I am seeing on 23andMe and GEDmatch are 3rd/4th cousins. I'm hoping to find matches closer than that - aunts, uncles, first/second cousins, etc. I'm almost 54 so I'm hoping for relatives on my bio-dad's side to still be alive.



I don't have much to go on, no names really. I'm just waiting (and hoping!) my mom's friend in England has some news for me but its all snail mail with her and I'm waiting on her reply.



I just paid for a DNA test with Ancestry.com. So I'll get that together for that website and see what comes up.



I'll do Heritage also. Just put my DNA out in as many places as I can to see what comes up!


I took a look at that Leeds Method thing and it just looks a bit complicated and confusing! Yikes!
Good idea doing Ancestry as they have the largest DNA database with family trees. You do not need to use the 2 week free trial. I've been there 4 years and have not used mine yet as I've been able to work my family tree at family search then hand enter records at ancestry since they only give certain ones free. Once you get it back go to My Heritage and FTDNA to upload the raw data. Both give family matching. If my Heritage's charge is under $30 I highly recommend paying for chromosome browser, ethnicity and whatever else they're going to give; it's worth it. FTDNA charges $19, I paid with my DNA but not with the other 7 I manage as I don't feel it told me anything. Their site is pretty archaic, there is no app either. My Heritage and Ancestry both have apps, so does family search if you decide to keep a public tree there.

I'm not sure of this but was reading my heritage's blog yesterday, there's supposed to be a way to import your family search tree to my heritage and if so it will make me really happy, enough so that I just may pay for a subscription there as they only allow 200 people in a free account tree.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-05-2019, 04:31 PM
 
231 posts, read 123,791 times
Reputation: 711
I found out that I have two half-siblings I did not know about. They are offspring of my father. I have a DNA connection to cousins on both my father's and my mother's side who I have personally known all my life, so I know that I, at least, am the genetic offspring of both my parents, also I'm a full sibling (per DNA results) to my brother.

But those two half-siblings probably found out that their known father is not their bio father, and that may have been really unsettling news for them. I sent them both a message that was really benign and non-specific, just saying something about being linked by DNA to each other and saying hi. I figure it opens the door if they ever want to communicate with me, find out any medical information or whatever. Neither has responded though, which I totally understand.

My father is long deceased (all the sibs and half-sibs are in their 60s and 70s), but I would find it interesting to meet them, hear their stories. I do appreciate that I am in a really different situation from theirs. I know who my father was. He was a tom cat, but he was a very well-known-to-me tom cat. Although I didn't know he had other children (he didn't know either), it does not come as a great shock to me.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Genealogy
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2020, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top