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My oldest DD gifted me with ancestrory.com for Mother's Day. It brought up some startling results. Namely, several "half cousins" of whom I never heard of or their last names in family connections. And that my closest cousin, who I've been like sisters to all my life, is only a HALF COUSIN. Those other "half cousins" whom I don't know, are ahead of her in the genealogical list.
My oldest DD had been suspicious, she'd done anestry.com a few months ago on herself (and is a genealogical Sherlock) and was puzzled about how she couldn't fill in the gaps. So the Mother's Day gift to me. Which I wanted to do anyway.
By census records, and what she's found out on the ancestory.com line, she's narrowed my real suspected grandfather down to three brothers...one of whom was the area butcher/grocer. Guess he could really deliver a package. My grandmother had had one illegitimate child before she married....her oldest. It now seems my mother was also illegitimate (she was the youngest). She's still alive, and there's no reason she should know about this. Looking at family photos, my mother looks nothing like either of her parents or siblings.
I told my cousin about this, and she's "not surprised", her recollections of the family and the area where they lived. She's not shocked...but I AM. If my mother was illegitimate, I don't know who my grandfather is. My mother is 95, still alive, and I don't think she suspects. I do have two siblings, however.
Wow, that's a big discovery, to learn that your grandfather isn't genetically related to you.
I hope it won't cause any negative feelings about where your place is in your family.
Have you decided whether to tell your siblings?
A couple years ago on 23andme I finally found the first DNA relative related to both me and my paternal grandfather.
For years I wondered if my grandfather was actually my fathers father, they didn't get along well, didn't look anything like each other and my grandparents barely got along with each other. I loved my grandfather, he loved me and his other 2 grandchildren. I'm glad to know he was my DNA grandfather but even if he wasn't DNA-related he was still really my grandfather.
There could be many reasons your mother had a different father than her other siblings. Maybe it was love. The good thing is your mother was born and eventually you were born.
Wow, that's a big discovery, to learn that your grandfather isn't genetically related to you.
I hope it won't cause any negative feelings about where your place is in your family.
Have you decided whether to tell your siblings?
A couple years ago on 23andme I finally found the first DNA relative related to both me and my paternal grandfather.
For years I wondered if my grandfather was actually my fathers father, they didn't get along well, didn't look anything like each other and my grandparents barely got along with each other. I loved my grandfather, he loved me and his other 2 grandchildren. I'm glad to know he was my DNA grandfather but even if he wasn't DNA-related he was still really my grandfather.
There could be many reasons your mother had a different father than her other siblings. Maybe it was love. The good thing is your mother was born and eventually you were born.
The man I always thought of as my "grandfather" died before I was born. DD and I were speculating about the possibilities around my mother's conception. Rape came up...but my mother and grandmother were extremely close (she lived with us until she died) and she was the favored daughter. She was described as a Mama's Baby. Had she been the product of a rape, my grandmother would probably have hated the sight of her. The oldest (illegitimate) child was raised by my great grandmother (my grandmother's mother). He never lived with my grandmother, her husband, and his other half siblings.
Maybe it was love? Which would explain why my mother and grandmother were always joined at the hip. My mother even broke off an engagement because she didn't want to leave home. She wanted them to live with her parents, and her fiance was NOT having that! My grandmother wasn't very nice or loving to her other daughter, my aunt, who was the true offspring of her husband. My cousin speculates that their other son's parentage was also "iffy". This uncle never had any children, so we have no way of knowing what was in his gene pool.
DD joked that maybe grandma shagged the butcher for some free groceries. He does seem the most likely candidate, and his last name is what shows up on the ancestry.com list on the cousins most closely related to me. He died in 1942, but would have been about 40 at the time (1928) my mother was born. He had two brothers, but they were farmers...and not as likely to "get around" the community as much as a butcher/grocer.
Last edited by Mrs. Skeffington; 06-19-2023 at 04:12 PM..
My oldest DD gifted me with ancestrory.com for Mother's Day. It brought up some startling results. Namely, several "half cousins" of whom I never heard of or their last names in family connections. And that my closest cousin, who I've been like sisters to all my life, is only a HALF COUSIN. Those other "half cousins" whom I don't know, are ahead of her in the genealogical list.
My oldest DD had been suspicious, she'd done anestry.com a few months ago on herself (and is a genealogical Sherlock) and was puzzled about how she couldn't fill in the gaps. So the Mother's Day gift to me. Which I wanted to do anyway.
By census records, and what she's found out on the ancestory.com line, she's narrowed my real suspected grandfather down to three brothers...one of whom was the area butcher/grocer. Guess he could really deliver a package. My grandmother had had one illegitimate child before she married....her oldest. It now seems my mother was also illegitimate (she was the youngest). She's still alive, and there's no reason she should know about this. Looking at family photos, my mother looks nothing like either of her parents or siblings.
I told my cousin about this, and she's "not surprised", her recollections of the family and the area where they lived. She's not shocked...but I AM. If my mother was illegitimate, I don't know who my grandfather is. My mother is 95, still alive, and I don't think she suspects. I do have two siblings, however.
Ha.. Now that's the attitude to have here, and I commend you for it.
Too many times, people find something like this out and just freak the ever-loving da'*@#^ out.
Might I ask your.. age range? Are you a 'baby boomer'? Yes, I'm tippy-toeing this question.
What area of the country (if US) or World are you?
The first thing that comes to mind for me is.. It was VERY common in the south if, say a father died in WW2, for the mothers parents to adopt the child and raise it as their own. Sometimes the kids were told, sometimes not. This would also happen sometimes if it was a child out of wedlock.
Now, of course, that would still have DNA matching to the right family.. It'd just be.. Slightly off. Because, who you think of as your grandparents would ACTUALLY be your Great Grandparents.
But.. Your.. Somewhat jovial attitude towards it.. That's the best thing. I mean, none of this is anyone's 'fault'.. It happened. And.. In most cases.. Not to you. It happened to your grandparents or further back.
My mother was adopted. It was never hidden from her that she was. Her parents, at least her mother (I never met my grandfather, he died a few months before I was born) told her that they wouldn't have a problem if she wanted to find out who her birth parents were. She.. Had and has.. Absolutely NO interest in that. But.. Through 23andme and Ancestry.. I've determined who they were.. Got in touch with 2 half sisters of my mother.. One of them.. Kinda had an attitude of "Oh no, that's wrong.. Nope. Not my daddy".. Yeah, your daddy was 19 and got a 16 year old pregnant. Deal with it.
The other.. That was sort of depressing as well. When I found them, I told them, they'd never hear from or meet my mother. No interest there. They.. Hammered and hammered and I stood firm telling them no until the half sister passed away a few months ago. But, I remain in touch with that persons daughter and.. She.. Sort of understands. I think she has the attitude that I do.. Well, I wish they could have met, but.. I know my mother and knew there was zero chance of it. But, they were critical in putting everything together. I had mixed up who I thought was the mothers side and who was the fathers side.
But... End of the day.. It's something that happened far enough back that.. Short of being interesting.. It really shouldn't affect you in your day to day life. Certainly not something to be upset over.
If you have half cousins from that relationship, are they the grandchildren of the butcher? Because if they are grandchildren of the farmers then they would be 2nd cousins, if the butcher was your grandfather.
If a DNA match is a true half first cousin, their grandfather would be your mother's father. They would share around 5-7% of their DNA with you.
This actually reminds me of my great grandmother. My great aunt, may she rest in peace, was never shy about calling my great grandmother by a certain scandalous name We managed to piece together who we thought the father of one of my great uncles was. Well, at least we found a possible name, but don't know anything else about the man. When my great uncle died, we put that man's name down as his father. For context, this particular great uncle lived his entire life without knowing who his biological father was. My great grandmother claimed she knew but always said she'd take that information to the grave with her.
Ha.. Now that's the attitude to have here, and I commend you for it.
Too many times, people find something like this out and just freak the ever-loving da'*@#^ out.
Might I ask your.. age range? Are you a 'baby boomer'? Yes, I'm tippy-toeing this question.
What area of the country (if US) or World are you?
The first thing that comes to mind for me is.. It was VERY common in the south if, say a father died in WW2, for the mothers parents to adopt the child and raise it as their own. Sometimes the kids were told, sometimes not. This would also happen sometimes if it was a child out of wedlock.
Now, of course, that would still have DNA matching to the right family.. It'd just be.. Slightly off. Because, who you think of as your grandparents would ACTUALLY be your Great Grandparents.
But.. Your.. Somewhat jovial attitude towards it.. That's the best thing. I mean, none of this is anyone's 'fault'.. It happened. And.. In most cases.. Not to you. It happened to your grandparents or further back.
My mother was adopted. It was never hidden from her that she was. Her parents, at least her mother (I never met my grandfather, he died a few months before I was born) told her that they wouldn't have a problem if she wanted to find out who her birth parents were. She.. Had and has.. Absolutely NO interest in that. But.. Through 23andme and Ancestry.. I've determined who they were.. Got in touch with 2 half sisters of my mother.. One of them.. Kinda had an attitude of "Oh no, that's wrong.. Nope. Not my daddy".. Yeah, your daddy was 19 and got a 16 year old pregnant. Deal with it.
The other.. That was sort of depressing as well. When I found them, I told them, they'd never hear from or meet my mother. No interest there. They.. Hammered and hammered and I stood firm telling them no until the half sister passed away a few months ago. But, I remain in touch with that persons daughter and.. She.. Sort of understands. I think she has the attitude that I do.. Well, I wish they could have met, but.. I know my mother and knew there was zero chance of it. But, they were critical in putting everything together. I had mixed up who I thought was the mothers side and who was the fathers side.
But... End of the day.. It's something that happened far enough back that.. Short of being interesting.. It really shouldn't affect you in your day to day life. Certainly not something to be upset over.
I'm 63, and this happened in rural Eastern, PA (Pennsylvania Dutch country). My mother is 95, and all of her siblings are deceased. My closest relative (or so I thought) on my mother's side is the cousin I mentioned previously, whom I thought was a first cousin, but is really a half cousin (her mother would have been my mother's half sister)
Like I mentioned before, oldest DD is a real genealogical detective on the internet...she's found marriage records, death records, census info, etc. She found the marriage record of my great grandmother (the mother of my grandmother). Turns out, she was married at 16 to my 24-year-old great grandfather. At the time, she was pregnant with twins. My grandmother and her twin sister (who died at age one) were born only four months later. Wonder if it was a "shotgun" wedding? They went on to have a DOZEN children. My great grandmother was pregnant with Number 12 at the time of his death (at age 40). The oldest (my grandmother) was then 15 years old. 9 of the 12 survived to old age.
DH's mother (98) did the ancestry.com a few years ago. She was adopted from an orphanage at age 5. Thanks to the search, she found a bunch of half siblings whom she's communicated with. Her much younger (now deceased) half brother was the spit of my 69 year old DH. It's great that your mother's family was so open with her.
Last edited by Mrs. Skeffington; 06-21-2023 at 06:42 AM..
And that my closest cousin, who I've been like sisters to all my life, is only a HALF COUSIN. Those other "half cousins" whom I don't know, are ahead of her in the genealogical list.
... she's narrowed my real suspected grandfather down to three brothers...one of whom was the area butcher/grocer.
As I pointed out above, you should be able to narrow it down to one of the three brothers. If your unknown DNA half cousins are even closer to you than the cousin you know, then their grandfather would be your grandfather, and not one of his brothers.
As I pointed out above, you should be able to narrow it down to one of the three brothers. If your unknown DNA half cousins are even closer to you than the cousin you know, then their grandfather would be your grandfather, and not one of his brothers.
It is pretty much narrowed down to the butcher. I found a photo of his grave on the "Find a Grave" site, as well as his siblings. There were other "illegitimacies" going on in that lineage, though!
So, my grandmother had four kids by at least three different men (only one of which she was married to). In hindsight, I'm remembering all my teen years when she "**** shamed" me! For absolutely NO reason, other than my skirt was "too short" or I wore a two piece bathing suit! If I gained a couple of extra pounds in the midsection, she insisted I was "pregnant". If I woke up with a stomach flu, I was "pregnant". When I went out on a date, she told my mother out loud to "mark the calendar...nine months from today". At the time of my wedding, she said I was pregnant (I wasn't). FYI, I didn't get pregnant with my first DD until age 25. after DH and I had been married four years.
I have a DD majoring in developmental psychology, and she calls this behavior "projecting"...transferring one's behaviors of which they feel guilty onto another innocent party with no justification.
So, my grandmother had four kids by at least three different men (only one of which she was married to).
In hindsight, I'm remembering all my teen years when she "**** shamed" me!
For absolutely NO reason...
I'd say she had LOT's of reasons for being worried. She knew first hand how things go.
As to the shaming ... you have to be a SL** to be shamed. Not merely an adolescent.
Quote:
...developmental psychology, and she calls this behavior "projecting"
Correct.
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We managed to piece together who we thought the father of one of my great uncles was. Well, at least we found a possible name, but don't know anything else about the man. When my great uncle died, we put that man's name down as his father. For context, this particular great uncle lived his entire life without knowing who his biological father was. My great grandmother claimed she knew but always said she'd take that information to the grave with her.
