When to tell unhappy family about relocation plans (moving back, suburbs, price range)

[NDak15]

Unfortunately family can be extremely selfish and can drag you down in the worst kind of way. I love my family but was not about to listen to them on this topic.

[MSPLove]

Originally Posted by WyoEagle

I had to laugh when I read the comment about Wyoming and Montana bordering each other. When I moved people in Montana made it sound like I was moving to Iran and renouncing my US citizenship.

LOL

I had a few people in Wyoming say I was brave for moving to another state.

Sounds like people in both MT and WY are a little sheltered.
That's like someone in Iowa calling someone brave for moving from Minnesota.

People in Montana liked to think Wyoming was such a desolate windswept place. I challenged them to find a picture of a prairie in Wyoming, North Dakota, Montana, or South Dakota and be able to tell me what states they were actually in.

Haha!
I think they've let the mere size of their state go to their head...

[NDak15]

Comparing moving from Minnesota to Iowa is accurate. The sad thing is, I have family in Iowa who would be like that. I have some who have never lived out of the Des Moines area and that is sort of their own little world. People like to think their states are so unique but the truth is they are not as much as people think they are. The people in them are what make them unique and it depends on the towns in the state. Montana is like three separate states. Western Montana is a night and day different from Eastern and I think Southwest is a hybrid between the two and Bozeman and Helena are in classes by themselves. What makes me laugh is how people think scenery in one state is so different from another. A cornfield in Iowa does not look any different than one in Nebraska, Illinois, or Wisconsin, nor does a mountain meadow in Wyoming look different from one in Idaho, Montana, or Colorado. Areas in states might, but as a whole they don't.

[LauraC]

Did they live in the same place with their parents all of their lives? I bet if you go back far enough in your family you might even have a set of immigrant relatives (parent, grandparent, great grandparent) who moved to another continent to start their lives away from their parents. Did nobody in the family, like your father or grandfather, ever leave home to join the military?

[NDak15]

My grandparents moved away from their parents and my dad and his siblings all eventually did, but he and two others stayed in the same town for more than a decade out of high school. We don't have many records of immigration with our family so I'm not sure of the story behind that. My grandfather fought in World War II and Korea and one uncle joined the army in the late 70s early 80s. People made a big deal when we moved out of Iowa but then it seemed it was not acceptable for me to leave Montana.

[linicx]

The mother-son bond is very strong and hard to resist. Mother's tears are a powerful weapon. They eventually dry and life will go on. If they don't have a comuter, something like an iPad will help them stay in touch. .

Good Luck.

[CantWait2Leave]

I am going through the same thing with my parents. My husband and I have been talking for 4 years about moving to TN. We are planning on moving in January, but it could be December. My mom told me she feels like I'm dying. She does not support me, but I think she at least understands (somewhat) why we are leaving. She told me she will cry all day everyday when I leave. My mom and I are best friends and I know it will be tough, but I also know my husband and I are making the right decision. My aunt told me, "Sorry, but I don't think I'll ever visit you. I have no reason to vacation in TN. I'm just being honest with you" Okay..I never asked you to come visit me. My brother thinks I'm selfish for leaving our family. My grandmother told me she thinks we are making a great choice for leaving CA. I've only been married 2 years and she said, "Your husband is now your family and you need to do what is right for your family." It's really great to have her support. It's so expensive and my husband and I have no interest in raising a family here. My family (besides my grandma) has lived in CA their whole lives and doesn't realize a lot of people move away out of state. This isn't uncommon. My in-laws have lived all over the country so they are 100% supportive of our move. They will probably move to TN a few months after we do. Anyway, I guess I'm just venting. It's amazing how different people's reactions are and I'm surprised at how rude people can be.

[MSPLove]

My aunt told me, "Sorry, but I don't think I'll ever visit you. I have no reason to vacation in TN. I'm just being honest with you"

She has a reason now... you! lol
That's a peculiar statement if I've ever heard one. I guess it's just her way of saying she doesn't think there's anything worth seeing in Tennessee. (I thought that too, until I saw pictures. And I also had the impression the Nashville music scene was only country... it isn't.) This statement also it represents how insular her thinking is. You wouldn't even be worth the trip because you should come see her.

My grandpa's similar. A lot of grandparents relish packing up the RV and driving around to see their grandkids in their retirement, but my grandpa flat out said "kids should come visit the parents." Alrighty...
I remember years ago when my aunt and uncle were a young couple. Mid and early '20s respectively. He'd come and drop by their place two hours away for just an hour or so, then he'd be on his way. To me that sort of implies he still saw them as kids, just bunking together... like they weren't a real grown-up couple. (In all fairness, my aunt WAS his baby, but still...) It was kind of amusing when my aunt and uncle started doing the same thing. Rather than stay for a day or half a day or overnight, they'd just drop by grandpa's for an hour and split. haha! That was funny when I was a kid and it's funny now. My grandpa's generally a really good guy, but he can be a pill.

You just have to do what's right for you. It's projection really. Their world is California and they know they wouldn't have the courage themselves. And your mom? I don't doubt she'll miss the hell out of ya, but she's laughably melodramatic.

[EscapeCalifornia]

Thread stater here. My wife had been applying for jobs in Denver and we decided to re-raise the subject of moving with my parents when/if she got an interview. Well, she hasn't had any luck on the job front, but she's now 9 weeks pregnant. We've decided to put the move on hold during the pregnancy and told my parents about the baby last night.

After the excitement subsided, my mom asked what this means for Denver. (I guess she didn't forget about our desire to move after all). I told her that it delays our plans but doesn't change our goal of moving where we can afford housing. Despite the housing crash and worst economy in three generations, any decent housing here is still way too expensive. She agreed and said that my dad had recently said that if things get much worse they might not be able to afford to live in California any more. My mom said she's not moving to Las Vegas to which my dad replied they'd move where ever my wife and I wind up.

They've never given any indication of wanting or needing to leave the state before but they are at retirement age, my dad's business isn't doing well in this economy, and at some point they're going to have to make some tough decisions. I'd love for them to move with us but I really don't know how my mom would handle the cold.

[jasper12]

When you are ready to go, just go. Don't ask, don't tell. Just one day, "We are moving to Colorado, we will be moving in one month". The fact that you even think that this will be a big deal means, total enmeshment. Think of Ray Ramono..What about Raymond?