When to tell unhappy family about relocation plans (quality of life, move back, house)
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Yep;their is no roo for selfishness in what your chioldren have to do to improve their lives. Sure thier will be sadness but that should be overcome with support that they need. Just make sure you are not moving from a vactio look at the area you are oving to tho. I have seen many that lived to regret that. Most adapt better when it a career improvement move for what I have seen.Easier to adpat because you need to that way.
I got a job offer - for the right job in the right city I was willing to go anywhere- and ended up in Minneapolis - where we had no ties/friends/contacts whatsoever - and we are from Florida. No one thought it was a good idea but us and I told everyone a month before I left; spouse and kids followed 2 months later. Who cares what other people think? Its the best decision we ever made. Ever.
We caved in to parents, sisters and brothers begging us to come back to Ohio when we moved to Florida in 1986. We caved in because of the massive pressure they put on us. We were young and listened to them.
23 years later we realized it was a huge mistake. We should have stayed in Florida and done the things we love to do that you cannot do in Ohio at all.
So after talking Florida talk for 23 years the last couple of years we have talked Florida every single day.
We are now making plans on moving to Florida as soon as we can and have already began some packing, tossing, donating etc to be ready when the time comes to move.
I am setting a goal of being in Florida within 1 year or less, hopefully less.
So OP from our experience our family did the opposite of the right thing as Frank was stating. Instead of supporting us and what we want to do they all wanted us back home for all their reasons.
We cannot make up the lost 23 years but if we get there soon we can sure enjoy a ton of things we love to do in the state we love so much.
Do what your heart tells you to do, good parents and family will be there to support and be behind you all the way.
Our parents were never bad parents but they put their feelings in front of our wants and desires. What we learned is to not do this to our kids just like Frank explained.
Do not make the mistake we did and regret it 23 years later. The only good thing we got to spend some great time with our parents as they aged which is not a bad thing but we could have flown back and forth just as easy to see them and still got what we wanted.
You will do the right thing, just go with your heart and everything else will follow.
Oh, you're from Ohio? So am I. I totally get what you are saying. Ohioans are the type that thinks that God himself blessed Ohio and that there is no other state that can even come close. They want to keep their adult kids here regardless of the economic woes that have plagued Ohio for the last 30-35 years and the fact that jobs have been leaving the state for decades. I could say more, but I will stop for now. I agree 100% with your advice to the OP.
To the OP: Trust me, you don't get your life back and the years will pass quickly and you will become older, set in your ways, and unmarketable as far as jobs go. I don't mean to be politically incorrect, but let's fact facts. You are more marketable (job-wise) when you are in your 20's and 30's, then 40's and 50's. Of course, your field or specialty plays a big part too. When your parents are no longer here, you will still be stuck wherever you're at, especially if you have children. It is NOT easy to uproot children, get new jobs, sell your house so that you can get a new one. It's better to make your move BEFORE you have your children. I speak from experience - almost 27 years later after moving back here.
Donna7 and Sunny-Days 90, I have had a problem similar to that. People in Montana think that it is the best state in the nation and nothing else exits. My mom was totally supportive of the move (as she has never fallen in love with Montana) but my dad was not. I listened once and ended up living in poverty for a year before moving to Wyoming where I doubled my salary (and am only one state away). I had a fiancee who refused to move because she caved into her parents and that was one of the factors causing our engagement to end. Family is great to have but when you are an adult you should never, ever cave in when they tell you to live in the same area as them. It is incredibly selfish of family to expect you to stay around them. In my case if I had stayed in the same town I would be making a very low wage, I would have no hope of ever owning a house, and the only thing people my age do there is drink so it would have been a lousy social life. I have relatives in Iowa whose parents have the same mentality that Iowa is the only state in the nation and I can see how miserable they all are still living in the same town with their parents. Sorry for the rambling post, but I just hope nobody reading this makes the same mistake I did.
Donna7 and Sunny-Days 90, I have had a problem similar to that. People in Montana think that it is the best state in the nation and nothing else exits. My mom was totally supportive of the move (as she has never fallen in love with Montana) but my dad was not. I listened once and ended up living in poverty for a year before moving to Wyoming where I doubled my salary (and am only one state away). I had a fiancee who refused to move because she caved into her parents and that was one of the factors causing our engagement to end. Family is great to have but when you are an adult you should never, ever cave in when they tell you to live in the same area as them. It is incredibly selfish of family to expect you to stay around them. In my case if I had stayed in the same town I would be making a very low wage, I would have no hope of ever owning a house, and the only thing people my age do there is drink so it would have been a lousy social life. I have relatives in Iowa whose parents have the same mentality that Iowa is the only state in the nation and I can see how miserable they all are still living in the same town with their parents. Sorry for the rambling post, but I just hope nobody reading this makes the same mistake I did.
I know about Montana. I confess that I've developed diarrhea mouth on that forum.
Reading some of my postings, you would think I go about my daily life being sulky or angry about living in Montana. (That's not true. I don't fully enjoy it, but I think I hide it pretty well on a daily basis.) I'm living here in Montana currently, but am moving in 8 weeks. I'm also moving away from my closest relative - my mom. Hard choice, but I have to live where my spirit needs to live, and it's not Montana.
Montanans have a very superior attitude, if you read their postings. It's pretty ridiculous. It all sort of centers around laughing at the "city-folk"... being weary of newcomers to the point of being rude and they flat out don't care, because they're worried newcomers might try to change their "lifestyle" (whatever that is... endless fishing and hunting? like people in other states don't do that?... they've never quite explained this "lifestyle" of theirs...).
It dawned on me that they have a major inferiority complex, which they try to mask by acting all superior.
I think, in truth, it's them who would feel extremely out of their element, to the point of downright doofy and sticking out like a sore thumb, if they had to exist anywhere else.
There's a ruggedness about them, which they'd probably take as a compliment. But when I say that, I mean... they're rude. They care a lot less about how they come across in their actions and words to people. I'm not used to that, being from the midwest. The Midwest, generally speaking, is more mellow and polite.
I know exactly what you mean about all of that. In Montana you always here about people being mad when an out of state person mentions how they did things in their state. Montanans get so defensive but it is that attitude that keeps them in the 1800s when we are a full decade into the 21st century. It's amazing how different Wyoming is in that regard.
Donna7 and Sunny-Days 90, I have had a problem similar to that. People in Montana think that it is the best state in the nation and nothing else exits. My mom was totally supportive of the move (as she has never fallen in love with Montana) but my dad was not. I listened once and ended up living in poverty for a year before moving to Wyoming where I doubled my salary (and am only one state away). I had a fiancee who refused to move because she caved into her parents and that was one of the factors causing our engagement to end. Family is great to have but when you are an adult you should never, ever cave in when they tell you to live in the same area as them. It is incredibly selfish of family to expect you to stay around them. In my case if I had stayed in the same town I would be making a very low wage, I would have no hope of ever owning a house, and the only thing people my age do there is drink so it would have been a lousy social life. I have relatives in Iowa whose parents have the same mentality that Iowa is the only state in the nation and I can see how miserable they all are still living in the same town with their parents. Sorry for the rambling post, but I just hope nobody reading this makes the same mistake I did.
Thank you for sharing your story, it is not rambling at all. It IS difficult following your own heart/mind/intuition at times. It is scary and it takes strength to do what you feel is right for you. I have found, though, that most of the times when you follow your "gut feeling", things turn out okay. (I'm sorry to read about your engagement being broken off though due to your fiancee's parental pressure to stay. That must have been tough.)
I know exactly what you mean about all of that. In Montana you always here about people being mad when an out of state person mentions how they did things in their state. Montanans get so defensive but it is that attitude that keeps them in the 1800s when we are a full decade into the 21st century. It's amazing how different Wyoming is in that regard.
I need to see more of Wyoming. Both times I've been there, I slept through most of it!
First time we went through that very northeastern tip on the way to South Dakota for a vacation. Mom woke me up to see it. She said, "Look, it's Wyoming." I remember a some small rolling hills. That's about it, then I conked out again.
Second time was a Greyhound bus trip to Denver to see a concert. Slept through most of that too. We stopped early morning in Gillette (I think?) and had a little layover there, but that's about it. They were covering Reagan's death on the news. 2004.
Thank you for sharing your story, it is not rambling at all. It IS difficult following your own heart/mind/intuition at times. It is scary and it takes strength to do what you feel is right for you. I have found, though, that most of the times when you follow your "gut feeling", things turn out okay. (I'm sorry to read about your engagement being broken off though due to your fiancee's parental pressure to stay. That must have been tough.)
Yep... ignoring my gut feeling is what's kept me in a state I don't like for more years than I should've been here.
Long story, but I'll keep it short. Born in the midwest, moved out to Montana at age 13, finished up school, moved back to midwest. Young adult immaturity brought me back home to mom with tail between the legs. Then from there, I met some people here in Montana, even got serious with a guy for a short while to the point I thought I might want to marry him... Then all that ended. And I got caught up in the daily grind of work, ignoring my growing instinct of moving back. But it was rearing it's head everywhere.
It was almost like my subconscious was trying to get my attention. I stopped decorating my place, buying new furniture. My windows in my new place even went curtainless for a couple of years, with just blankets covering them. Stopped wanting to make friends, shied hard away from relationships (to the point where I'd try to act like I already had a boyfriend, to get them to leave me alone).... kept picking up the new college catalog every season, kept seeing a counselor to get started, but would never follow through. People wondered what was wrong with me. I didn't see it myself.
Then it finally dawned on me that in the back of my mind I was always thinking about moving back. Didn't make friends because I'd just have to leave them. Didn't get into a relationship for the same reason. Didn't start college because I didn't want to commit to another few years here. Didn't buy new stuff because I didn't want to lug it back.
It's crazy how I didn't recognize all that. But I didn't. Don't ignore your gut. I spent a few years feeling uneasy and didn't know why.
Then an uncle ended up in the hospital in Duluth, Minnesota with a serious illness that almost costed him his life. I went back for my first visit to my homestate in seven years. That made me realize I was missing home. And that made up my mind immediately that I wanted to come back for good. That was less then three years ago. I've been working toward getting back ever since. There were a couple setbacks but now it's happening thank God. Uncle's okay... but everything happens for a reason. I was drawn back there to help me see where I needed to be.
Last edited by MSPLove; 08-18-2010 at 12:58 AM..
Reason: misspelling
Sorry friend BUT once you get moved out of the house you can and should make decisions for yourself. Mama, Daddy, grandparents and such are good old sage advisors but it's you and your wife that have to make the decision. I like the Nike slogan....Just tell your mom that is the way it is going to be and "Just Do It". BTW make sure to let her know to visity in late May or early June if she wants to enjoy the weather....
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