Moved to a new state and I want to move back. (college, address)
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First, I just wanted to say THANK YOU for all the excellent input and advice you guys have given me. It's really helped me process my thoughts to hear different perspectives and opinions on my situation. So thanks.
Yeah, I can see that sitting my parents down and talking with them would be wiser than just handing them a letter. I'm just SO much more articulate in writing than when I try to speak, especially when I'm trying to assert myself to my parents...I get anxious and stumble over my words and get very defensive. It's easier for me to be clear and thoughtful on paper than when I feel pressure to speak and make my points. So on the one hand, while talking to them might be a better route, I'm worried I won't make my points clear without sounding like I'm whining or blaming them for this. I'm trying to make it easier on THEM than on me with this...I'd be staying for the holidays, I'd pay for my move back entirely. I would be leaving them with a cat, but they already have two so what's one more?
I'm trying to figure out when the best time to tell them would be. If I want to fly back in January I need to get my ticket soon...flying is sooo ludicrously expensive these days, and the prices for a specific date go up every day you put it off.
Also, I've been looking for and applying for jobs back in Oregon every day. It would be great if I had a job to go back to there.
I'd like to hear an honest answer...I have a feeling this is more about the bf than jobs, friends, Portland, etc. My experience with myself, family, etc. is making this kind of move back usually involves a relationship situation and you said you were going to stay with his family, which means it is more of a serious relationship. I mean, if your bf were to move to Houston, would you like Houston better? I just hate to see young women made decisions based on a guy...are you really very serious about him and is that deep down your primary motive? Why doesn't he come to visit you over the holidays?
My niece made the reverse decision to go back home after college (still living with parents after 3 years) to be with her bf (although she named several other reasons, which I wasn't buying for a second). She had the world at her doorstop, she gave up alot to be with him and I still can't figure out why.
Also, I've been looking for and applying for jobs back in Oregon every day. It would be great if I had a job to go back to there.
Since you expect to be here for the holidays, look for a temp position in a store or place that is national, and has stores in Oregon. Then you might get to transfer to an OR location, which would be much easier than applying for even the very same job "off the street". I know you don't intend to work in a retail job forever, but it can be a paycheck while you job-hunt, and having been in retail management myself before, store-to-store transfers are practically automatic (if there is a place for you, of course), if you have a good reference from your first manager.
loveautumn--Your question is totally valid and I've thought about it in depth. I definitely think that a big part of why I want to move back to Oregon is my bf. Not the WHOLE reason, but a big percentage. We've been seeing each other since January, and it's the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. I'd been in some pretty bad, abusive relationships before, and this is the first one where I felt safe and happy. So, of course, I'm terribly attached to him. I know his family, and they are incredibly nice people and it was comforting to be around a family unit when I was so far away from mine. I also felt like I could be myself a lot more around these people; my mom, although I love her to death, is a little bit set in her ways and has certain ideas about how things should be, and expects my sister and me to adhere to the same values. Since coming home I've felt kind of on edge the entire time, because I don't know how to act around my parents anymore.
I do miss Oregon for other reasons. I miss the green, fresh smell of it, the way the rain makes everything feel clean. I do have some friends that were great sources of support for me there, and I feel rather lost without them. I miss the small-town feel...I'm extremely overwhelmed by the enormity of everything in Houston, and I'm scared I won't be able to handle it. I'm scared I won't make friends.
The original plan was for my boyfriend to save up money and move down here to be with me. If he were to do that, I think I'd be able to handle living here. But there's a nagging part of me that thinks he won't do that. Not that he doesn't want to, but saving up a few grand to move down here, away from his family, when he's lived in Oregon his entire life and has no problem living there...I don't know. He says he loves me and wants to be with me, and I him, but the way the job market is up there, it could be a long time before he managed to save up to move down, and we'd have to maintain a long-distance relationship until then. Seems like a lot of hardship to go through, especially when I feel so lost and discontent here.
Houston does have more jobs. And my parents. And I know that I haven't been here long enough to definitively say I hate it. But I feel like moving here was a rash decision, and that I should have just changed what made me unhappy in Oregon instead of just running away. I think I wouldn't be agonizing about living here if I could have just brought the bf down with me. Right now all I know is that I'm hating it here and that I'm missing the familiarity of my old life. And I'm scared. I feel insecure about my capabilities to start my life completely over with no one to go to, no friends, no bf, nothing. Except my parents, who seem to find me a little bewildering.
Sorry for the novel, just needed to get some of my thoughts out there. I have a job interview lined up for the week I'll be up there for Thanksgiving. That's further than I've gotten on the job front for a long time.
This is my first post here, and I'm posting this because I'm agonizing a lot about my recent move and need some opinions/personal experiences.
I moved to a suburb of Houston from my college town in Oregon. I am 23 and moved back in with my parents, after much convincing on their part that it was the right thing to do...so I could "get my head straight," not have to to pay bills for a while, find a decent job (I graduated from college recently and haven't had a ton of luck finding anything), and start the next chapter of my life. When I made the decision to move down here I was in a pretty rough spot--I was having trouble staying afloat financially, I was frustrated with my situation in Oregon and the people I had to deal with, and my mother said that every time she heard from me I only had negative things to say. So, I was convinced that moving to Houston, where the job market is better and where I could stop worrying about bills while I stayed with my folks for a bit, would be a good idea.
Well, I haven't even been here three weeks and I'm already really regretting the move. I want to move back. I forgot how much I truly dislike Texas. My parents moved here after I moved to Oregon to go to school (we're from California originally), so it's never actually been home to me. Every time I visited for holidays I was always relieved to leave. It's ridiculously hot and humid here (even now, at the end of October!), it's ugly and flat, the people seem very Stepford-y and unfriendly, and I'm just missing Oregon terribly. I left a boyfriend behind, good friends behind, and a town that I knew very well and finally felt at home in behind. For what? Better opportunities? I'm not happy and I honestly can't see myself ever really being happy in Houston. The goal is for me to find a job in Houston and move out once I have enough money saved, into the actual city itself. Now I find that idea just...unbearable. Houston is enormous, which I did know before moving down, but realizing just how long it takes to drive everywhere is making me nervous, and the multi-lane highways freak me out.
I want to move back. But there's a small part of me that thinks I haven't given it enough of a chance. I know I can't expect everything to happen instantly, but the not knowing how long it will be until I feel settled and have friends and my own place again makes me very depressed and frightened. I miss my boyfriend terribly and I miss the comforts I had back in Oregon. I miss the rain and the fresh smell of it and how green it is.
I don't know what to do. I know I will be disappointing my parents if I decide to just turn around and go back, and the hassle of moving back kind of overwhelms me (although all I would bring is clothes and personal effects, I don't have furniture), but I can just picture my feeling of relief if I were to move back. I sold my car while I was up there and I would have to find a job pretty quickly but I know I have people that could help me out until I got that done.
I don't know though. I just feel so miserable, and angry at myself for moving when I should have appreciated the things I loved about Oregon and just ignored the annoyances. Because everywhere you go there will be stupid people and annoyances, you just have to find the place where you can handle them because everything else cancels them out. Does anyone have advice, or a similar experience? I just feel so torn. It's been hard to transition to the adult phase of realizing that I can't do what necessarily makes my parents happy, I have to do what makes ME happy, because I have constantly sought their approval. God, this situation sucks.
Thanks for any advice or words of wisdom.
Life lesson #1 you have to make enough money to support yourself. Scenery is great, but survival is more important.
You are too young to be afraid of multiple lane freeways, come on now.
You don't have to live in Houston forever. If you get a job in Houston thats going to look good on your resume. Reality and wishes are 2 different things.
I moved around so much when I was young...moved to NYC when I was 18 and went back and forth about 3 or 4 times over the course of about 5 years before I finally was done with it there. Brief stay in FL and Los Angeles too. Honestly, I know pretty much right away whether I like a place or not, and then I always have to figure out whether it's a good place for me to live....two different things. But that was way back in 60's and 70's when this sort of thing was a little easier. I moved sight unseen to San Diego about 30 years ago...came out with a friend, didn't know a soul, didn't have a job but got one within a week. Been here ever since.
After reading your response, I think you should go back to Oregon if you feel your relationship with bf will still be the same, there's not much down side to going back as far as I can see. But I would do it after the holidays...maybe mid January so it's not so hard on your parents and they aren't thinking about you going away the whole time.
I think Houston is an awful place to live so I can't blame you for that.
Sigh. I'm going to talk to her today. I'm nervous. I hate hurting my mom. Wish me luck.
I hope the talk went well.
I moved from IN to NoVa when I was 21. I had lived in IN almost my whole life (i lived in MI for a year). I left behind a boyfriend, friends and a job. I moved to NoVa for a better life. I moved in with my mom (who I hadn't lived with since I was 16 and I had been living on my own since 18). My mom moved in with her boyfriend 6 months after I moved there. I had a very lonely few months.
I had a job within two weeks and then a better one within a month. I met people my age at the job and they would invite me to do things every now and again. Still I missed IN so much that I almost moved back every other month. I eventually ended up breaking up w/ the boyfriend. We just weren't right for each other and we were better off as friends and we are still friends today. I met my husband about 7 months into living there. That was almost 14 years ago.
I know that feeling of being miserable somewhere and wanting to be somewhere else. It's hard to say that you won't feel the same way in 6 months that you do today. You have to do what is right for you. You're young and you have the chance to do it before you have other responsibilities. Best of luck on the job interview!
PLEASE, MOVE BACK! As someone who has always put my dreams on hold for my family, let me stress nothing is worse than regret and time flies so quickly. My 20s went by in a blur and how I wish I would have followed my dreams and moved while I had the chance because life has a way of becoming complicated and before you know it it circumstances will force you to stay in Houston and you may be stuck for years. Just look at all the threads on here from ppl who(like me, lol) are miserable where they live but due to extenuating circumstances, are stuck. You can't live for your parents. I've been stuck now for 10 yrs in South Florida and next yr I will finally be moving but it's sad it took me 11 yrs to live the only life I have the way I want, when I could have followed my heart and been out of here yrs ago. Good luck!
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Wish me luck.
