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im really worried about my fiancee and this move to Minnesota. i mean she talks a good game. saying I've been in pa all my life and i want a change. But her family is all she knows. I mean, when she goes out , she goes with her sisters, not other friends. we're not gonna be able to visit every day or every month. I know sometimes when family is too close, its easy to say i cant wait to move away. but when it happens, that's a different story. me, im used to being away from home. Been away since college. I talk to my parents and siblings on phone all the time. of course this is my first time being so far that im not in driving distance. but still, i can adjust.
I don't think being a man or woman has anything to do with it. Some people are sheltered, men included. Yeah, I'd be worried about her too if her social life only consists of her sisters. What on earth is she going to do?
Minnesota is known as a tough egg to crack in that respect, too. They're polite and will help you out anytime if you need it, but... they're private. Don't want strangers up in their business too fast. Maybe you should visit the Minnesota forum for more on that topic.
That's probably why I get along so well with Minnesotans when I go there. I'm very polite and helpful myself, but I almost despise small talk if it goes on too long, and I'm a private person. I don't like to get too close too fast either.
I don't think sex matters either. Since leaving home, I've never been interested in getting too social with the natives but my wife has found many friends. I'd rather be countin' flowers on the wall, that don't bother me at all. But back home, I enjoyed being social.
By your description of her though, I wouldn't put all my eggs in the Minnesota basket too early. If you're taking bets on when she's going to change her mind, I'd take three months and then she's going to go down hill. I would also predict that it's going to be a really good lesson for her in regards to never taking her family for granted again.
P.S. Did you know they elected Jesse "the body" for governor and Al Franken for senator?
We moved from Wisconsin to Tennessee in May of this year. My wife has always been really close with her family and we were constantly around them. Moving away was hard but I think the key to my wife being happy was getting involved in things as quickly as possible. Don't move and have no plan for her. She needs to get a job, hobby, church, etc... as quickly as possible. Sitting around doing nothing is going to make it 100 times worse.
I can say after living in Tennessee for 6 months we still miss the family and we have been home multiple times to visit but we are very happy with the decision. We are creating a new life and finding new friends here which makes it so much easier. So my advice is to have a plan for the both of you.
It is nice that you are looking out for her.
This will be a change for her but maybe in a good way after time. it may push her out of her comfort zone to make new friends,learn a hobby,a career path.
In a move I heard it takes at least 6 months to adjust. For me I am a single and have moved places where I knew no one there are times of feeling homesick and tears but that is to be expected. In time it should get easier. Having a trip planned to visit back home can help to or for family to come to see you. Something to look forward to.
A good example of a man who hates change is my stepdad. He was born and raised in Eastern Washington, then joined the military and got stationed in Great Falls, Montana. He's lived there ever since. That's probably 25 or more years now. He hates the idea of leaving. He married my mom, a woman from Wisconsin, and you can tell he would hate the notion of moving out of state someday. I don't think they'll come back to Wisconsin (my mom has no interest, just too cold for her now, so she says), but a psychic said they may be living in the midwest someday. My stepdad realizes all mom's family is in Wisconsin, and what little family he has ever conversed with in Washington are now dead. So... he's not liking the idea of possibly making that sacrifice someday. It's so dumb too, because he isn't an outdoorsy person. He just works, and when he's not working, he stays in and plays x-box. The most he does outside is grill. He doesn't have really any friends. Just one good friend that comes by sometimes. All he'd have to do someday is hook up his x-box in another state and he's all set....
Oh I guess he'd miss his Griz Games. He's a big Montana Grizzlies fan and drives to Missoula, MT to see those games during the season. (College football team.)
im really worried about my fiancee and this move to Minnesota. i mean she talks a good game. saying I've been in pa all my life and i want a change. But her family is all she knows. I mean, when she goes out , she goes with her sisters, not other friends. we're not gonna be able to visit every day or every month. I know sometimes when family is too close, its easy to say i cant wait to move away. but when it happens, that's a different story. me, im used to being away from home. Been away since college. I talk to my parents and siblings on phone all the time. of course this is my first time being so far that im not in driving distance. but still, i can adjust.
This sounds like a recipe for disaster. Your fiancee seems extremely close to her sisters and may not adjust well to being without them. It will also put pressure on you to be her end-all-be-all. We had some friends who married and the wife moved from her home state (NC since birth) to FL to live with her new husband. She NEVER adjusted to being away from family and finally convinced the husband to move to NC. It didn't work out for him and they ended up divorced. It was sad because they had so much else in common.
When we lived in So Calif, I had no relatives there at all, but wife had her mother-2 sisters and 2 nieces there. When I met my wife, I was thinking moving to the Denver, CO area and back to 4-seasons (had visited there and liked the area). What I didn't know was that she had been thinking about moving to Laughlin, NV, but had not told her family/friends about her thoughts (for obvious reasons). But, after hearing my thoughts about CO, she was for the move (I was one happy camper). As it turned out, she wasn't as close to her family/squaredance friends as I thought. Moved to CO and it was basically Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas that she missed her family. The squaredance friends never contacted us and that didn't bother her. We did make a once-a-year trip to Las Vegas and the family drove in to see us there. We now live in Jax, FL and my wife misses her sister sometimes (wife's mother passed away earlier this year), but other than missing her at times, has no regret on leaving So Calif.
Now, about us, we have no kids and are older than the OP........we are in our early 60's. Been married almost 10 years.
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But back home, I enjoyed being social.
Maybe Not
