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I just feel the need for truth...in reality yes, I want validation, but if you disagree with what I am saying then I do want to hear that too. It is so hard to ask friends and family what they think because they are biased, of course they want us to stay close by them.
A little background info...DH and I were both dragged to Houston by our parents 10 and 15 years ago, and neither have ever considered this our "home" or where we wanted our kids to grow up. We are still a young couple, 27 and 31 and we have a 2.5 year old...so pulling her away from things isn't an issue at this point. A lot of people feel that way about where they live though, and while it's a good start it's really not enough to make one want to go through all the trouble of moving and finding a new place.
We would really love to move to Portland, OR. Granted there are some negatives about Portland, such as their current job market. I might be a little naive, but DH has NEVER had trouble finding a job. He's kind of a genius in his field. The other huge reason we want to go there is that DH grew up there, and he has a younger sister (in her early 20's) who is having major health issues and he wants to be close to her so we can help her out. Also his entire extended family is there, and I've never met any of them. My family is here but they have kind of scattered and some have started their own families and don't keep in touch that great...so I don't feel like I'd be missing too much to leave them.
There are some other factors that have pushed us toward the reality of moving. For one, my husband has not been happy at his job for some time now, and they keep pulling straws and cutting corners (by this I mean bounced paychecks, scandalous stuff going on there that he doesn't want to be associated with).. his job is still in demand somewhat more than others and he can go someplace else pretty easily. In the back of my mind I am concerned that he might have trouble finding a job in Portland because of all I read on here about their horrible job market, but an attitude of worry or concern is not the right one to have...no sense getting down about anything before we've even tried, right?
Our lease is up April 1 so we really, really hope by then that DH has a job and we are at least in the process of moving.
Something that my family has pointed out to me as negative is that we are considering doing a very small move...here in Texas we have a 2000 sq ft house that we are renting, and a house full of furniture...mostly hand me downs and goodwill things. I don't want to take any of it with me...chances are because of the difference in cost of living we will probably go for a 2 bedroom apartment for at least 6 months and we can furnish it with what we absolutely need...and buy the furniture up there. My family thinks we would be throwing our stability away (not to mention the guilt trip they are trying to throw at me for taking my daughter away from them) They tell me I won't have any support there. Well, frankly, I have none here from them...my friends are the most supportive, and I never have trouble making them...so I will be fine.
As for Houston...I hate the heat and the humidity, the traffic, the lack of natural landscape and things to do outdoors...I'm tired of sitting in my car and at my computer for lack of better things to do. The rain in Portland won't bother me...not if I can get away from the heat!
Not sure if there's a question in there somewhere, but if you are asking if people think you should move then I say yes. It's miserable staying in a city you can't stand. I did it for twenty years because of family and I think it was a huge mistake.
If your asking if it's a good idea to ditch everything and buy new, again I say yes, unless you have pieces that are valuable or precious for sentimental reasons.
Just make sure you do your research, have realistic expectations of where you want to move and have plenty of cash in reserve in case the job search takes longer than you anticipate.
I don't think I'm comfortable moving until a job is secured...now, since we do have family in Portland, I am pretty sure an alternative option if DH has trouble finding a job would be for him to go up there and stay on SIL's couch while he pounds the pavement looking for a job, and I could temporarily stay with my brother here in Houston. Part of me wants to just sell everything we own and go for it, but I don't want to go through all that money just sitting around while he hunts for a job...I'd much rather him go up there on his own to look and not have to worry about feeding or providing for us while "couch surfing".
I guess there was no question...just wanted to hear someone tell me to go for it, or not. Everyone tells me that's stupid and that we shouldn't leave, and that Texas is the greatest state and no one understands why anyone in their right mind would want to leave...they seriously look at me like I'm crazy or maybe I need to sit down and drink some water or take a nap because I'm not thinking clearly. It almost angers me...like I want to tell them how much I hate it here but some people around here would take personal offense to a statement like that.
Everyone tells me that's stupid and that we shouldn't leave, and that Texas is the greatest state and no one understands why anyone in their right mind would want to leave...they seriously look at me like I'm crazy or maybe I need to sit down and drink some water or take a nap because I'm not thinking clearly. It almost angers me...like I want to tell them how much I hate it here but some people around here would take personal offense to a statement like that.
I understand. I moved to where my husbands extended family lived. They loved the place, couldn't understand why I was miserable. It was hot and humid and in the CITY. I grew up in the north in a rural area so it was a huge lifestyle change and I didn't like it at all. His family kept telling me I'd adjust and grow to love it but I never did, it always felt alien to me. Not to mention they kept asking how could I think of leaving family, uhh, they were all his family, not mine.
There are a lot of people that say "bloom where you are planted" but it never seemed to work for me, I felt like I had been planted in a barren, hostile environment that was killing my soul.
Staying in a place you can't thrive in, for the sake of other people, seems counter productive to me. Eventually you'll start to feel some resentment creeping in and it will eat at your relationship with those people.
You're young and now is the time to make your move. Hopefully your husband can secure a job first. Leave whatever you are not attached to behind and follow your dreams. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty. As long as you and your husband are in agreement you should go for it. I understand about the heat and humidity. Ugh!
Don't live your life on what ifs! Enjoy the journey, life is too short.
Thanks for the encouraging words As a side note...I feel like I really have tried to "bloom where I'm planted"...I also don't blame ALL my problems on where I live, because that's silly...but being unhappy in a place causes a general overall unhappiness and that is what affects the rest of my life...for example I am slightly overweight, but I am also active when I can be...which is in the winter time here. I get the wintertime happiness, not the blues...because I love the cold and it's just invigorating to me. The summer...or spring/fall in Texas...yuck. I stay indoors bored. I have been living here since 1999 and it's high time we get someplace else...and I feel a sense of urgency about it too, which is unexplainable.
Perhaps this is stated a bit too bluntly, but your situation really boils down to the classic dilemma faced by many young couples:
Do we live our lives with our children the way WE want to WHEN we want to WHERE we want to?
Or do we let our parents, other relatives, and friends make those decisions for us?
I wish you the best of luck in following your hearts to Portland and setting a new standard for happiness and success in your own little nuclear family. Just remain calm when you announce your decision to move and invite them to visit later when you're well established -- even Texans can be coaxed into thinking a vacation in the evergreen wilds of Oregon would be exotic!
Yes, move. And do the plan of him going up first and looking for work. I recently moved some place I did not know anyone for a job, a place I never thought I would live and it has worked out okay for me. I used to live in Vancouver, WA, and really loved it up there.
I never understood people who complain about where they live, and their life, but never do anything to make changes...
I just feel the need for truth...in reality yes, I want validation, but if you disagree with what I am saying then I do want to hear that too. It is so hard to ask friends and family what they think because they are biased, of course they want us to stay close by them.
A little background info...DH and I were both dragged to Houston by our parents 10 and 15 years ago, and neither have ever considered this our "home" or where we wanted our kids to grow up. We are still a young couple, 27 and 31 and we have a 2.5 year old...so pulling her away from things isn't an issue at this point. A lot of people feel that way about where they live though, and while it's a good start it's really not enough to make one want to go through all the trouble of moving and finding a new place.
We would really love to move to Portland, OR. Granted there are some negatives about Portland, such as their current job market. I might be a little naive, but DH has NEVER had trouble finding a job. He's kind of a genius in his field. The other huge reason we want to go there is that DH grew up there, and he has a younger sister (in her early 20's) who is having major health issues and he wants to be close to her so we can help her out. Also his entire extended family is there, and I've never met any of them. My family is here but they have kind of scattered and some have started their own families and don't keep in touch that great...so I don't feel like I'd be missing too much to leave them.
There are some other factors that have pushed us toward the reality of moving. For one, my husband has not been happy at his job for some time now, and they keep pulling straws and cutting corners (by this I mean bounced paychecks, scandalous stuff going on there that he doesn't want to be associated with).. his job is still in demand somewhat more than others and he can go someplace else pretty easily. In the back of my mind I am concerned that he might have trouble finding a job in Portland because of all I read on here about their horrible job market, but an attitude of worry or concern is not the right one to have...no sense getting down about anything before we've even tried, right?
Our lease is up April 1 so we really, really hope by then that DH has a job and we are at least in the process of moving.
Something that my family has pointed out to me as negative is that we are considering doing a very small move...here in Texas we have a 2000 sq ft house that we are renting, and a house full of furniture...mostly hand me downs and goodwill things. I don't want to take any of it with me...chances are because of the difference in cost of living we will probably go for a 2 bedroom apartment for at least 6 months and we can furnish it with what we absolutely need...and buy the furniture up there. My family thinks we would be throwing our stability away (not to mention the guilt trip they are trying to throw at me for taking my daughter away from them) They tell me I won't have any support there. Well, frankly, I have none here from them...my friends are the most supportive, and I never have trouble making them...so I will be fine.
As for Houston...I hate the heat and the humidity, the traffic, the lack of natural landscape and things to do outdoors...I'm tired of sitting in my car and at my computer for lack of better things to do. The rain in Portland won't bother me...not if I can get away from the heat!
Go to Portland in April. Start planning right now. Sell your furniture - put it on Craigslist or hold a yard sale. Let your landlord know you will be moving in April. Start getting on the Oregon forum here and ask for their help. Have your husband fly out there by himself and look for jobs and places to live. Pack and move. Don't let family make you feel guilty. Sounds like you're not close to them anyway so stand strong against them. The more research and planning you've done, the stronger and more confident you will be against them. If you feel they would make your life harder, don't tell them until you have one foot out of Houston. Cut the conversation short if they start complaining. You only have one life and make the most of it. GO! Never have regrets!
Go, go, go!! Has your husband tried looking for jobs in Portland? Even just to see what's available? Obviously it would be better to get that job lined up before committing to the move, but if you're confident, go!
As for the small move, sounds like you won't be giving up anything great (if it's all secondhard and hand-me-downs) and I'm sure Portland has discount furniture places if you want to find something cheap that can be replaced once you've put down some roots.
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As a side note...I feel like I really have tried to "bloom where I'm planted"...I also don't blame ALL my problems on where I live, because that's silly...but being unhappy in a place causes a general overall unhappiness and that is what affects the rest of my life...for example I am slightly overweight, but I am also active when I can be...which is in the winter time here. I get the wintertime happiness, not the blues...because I love the cold and it's just invigorating to me. The summer...or spring/fall in Texas...yuck. I stay indoors bored. I have been living here since 1999 and it's high time we get someplace else...and I feel a sense of urgency about it too, which is unexplainable.
