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Old 09-10-2011, 10:04 PM
1 posts, read 97,055 times
Reputation: 17


I want to move out but I am so lost. My parents don't do much. I mean yea they they pay the bills and all but as far acting like parents, my mom mostly acts like she has a stick up her ***. I can't stand it, she doesnt want me to help find a job but she does backflips to do crap for my brother like buy him useless ****. She starting to get verbally abusive, calling me names like trash just because l left a napkin on the floor in my room. but she is a bigger hypocrite because she leave dirty napkins on the couch and dirty plate in the sink.I have to clean the whole house and when i ask why doesnt she help clean her own house she always reply "cause I'm the mom and I said so" she's not even being logical any more. It's pissing me off because can't keep using this I'm the mom excuse for not pulling her own weight.So I'm done with her bull****, I had a plan to leave but I have no friend and no where to go. There is this one guy that used to work with me and always offered to drive me home. As it turns out he likes me and want to date me but I'm not sure if i feel the same way about him.he has an apartment and is a traveling salesman.I'm not the type to use people and I never was but I really need a place to stay. I was also offered a job as a stripper too, I know alot of people will be like "oh don't do that you will throw your life away"But I actually want to be a stripper. They have so much confidence and are so sexy, they make good money to I admire them for that. Since I have been in and out of jobs, I have been selling my panties and made a total of $439 I know it will not be enough but I don't know I should stay in a hotel while working as a stripper or asking the guy who likes me if i can live with him. Another problem is that i enrolled in a 10 month cosmetology school, the classes start the end of september. I don't want drop out cause I know how hard it will be to find a job without education, but I cannot stand this bull**** my family is putting me through. I'd treated more like a maid than like a daughter. please if anyone has some advice or resources to first-timers moving out I'd really appreciate it.
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Old 09-11-2011, 01:04 AM
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
27,079 posts, read 45,168,934 times
Reputation: 31274
Originally Posted by iluna View Post
I want to move out .... if anyone has some advice or resources to first-timers moving out I'd really appreciate it.
Advice !! age 18? Don't let the door hit you in the rear, and DON"T come back (not for laundry / food / car / money...)

@ age 16 My mom gave me the option to stay @ home for $400 / month... or go rent a sleazy mobile home down the road for $300, and she offered to make a GREAT recommendation for me.

I left, and was NEVER sorry.

The day I turned 18, my mom gave me the 'gift' of becoming the caregiver for my disabled father. 'Party was over' for the next 32 yrs as I cared for him (and did a lot of growing up REAL FAST, making care decisions daily and cleaning 'bottoms' and worse).

After 32 yrs of THAT, I got 5 yrs of 'freedom' and finally got to go to college as an antique student, and FINALLY I graduated LAST yr (post age 50) &...3 months later I have a LT terminally sick partner.

So... back to work, back to care-giving. (I hope my kids don't 'boomerang' back into the house), tho I could use some HELP.

Take care of yourself, you have some tough lessons awaiting you. You will be stronger because of it, BUT... you will get 'broken' in the process (sometimes several times ).

I Wish I was as easy to 'Break / train' as my many horses were... & GLAD I grew up on a Dairy Farm. 24x7 hard 'stinky' work. Life is like that (A LOT).

Good luck, I wish you well.
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Old 09-11-2011, 04:03 AM
35,318 posts, read 45,278,845 times
Reputation: 30827
Sounds like you've definitely out grown the nest and its time to move out, as soon as you have a full time job make the move.
To hurry that along and to help with expenses why not have a look in Craigslist for room mates.When i first left home i shared a large apartment with 3 other room mates,we had a lot of fun, but the job is critical in your future freedom,Stripper is not a bad job but it does tend to put you in close proximity of the seedier element of life, if you can keep yourself above the drugs and sex that come with the job you will eventually move on to better things.
Good luck
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Old 09-11-2011, 11:33 AM
Location: Asheville
1,162 posts, read 3,891,788 times
Reputation: 1204
Dear Iluna,
I'm sure I will talk too long here, please forgive me, but I've been where you're at, I was of age and wanted to leave. I think this is common to get sick and tired of a parent telling you what to do. I might point out that if you don't like cleaning the house you're living in now, it won't be any different than where you move. Cleaning is forever. I'm sorry your mother is talking so mean to you, but that's her world, it's important to learn now that when people do that, it's all about them and not you. I mean, if you were doing something really dumb and you knew it, why, criticism should then be taken as a means to improve.

You said you wanted to go to cosmetology school. My lady, that will be a very good job to have, money can be as much as you want to make, and after you've worked at it for a year and save up some cash, THEN you can make plans to move somewhere. If you've stood it at the family home this long, you can stand it some more. Stripping is kind of a last resort...the money is tempting, but when you have learned how to fix people's hair, it can be regular fun for fun's sake only. No riff-raff, no overexposure, just this artistic pleasant little thing you do in a place that smells great, some hair places the people become like family, and there's always the option of making a little side cash out of a home salon.

I remember one time I had my hair fixed at a cosmotology school. The girl who did my hair was young, stunning, petite, and she had this amazing head of diff colors of blonde hair, all the way to her waist. I remember it curled up beautifully on her arms as she worked my hair. When asked how I wanted mine to look, I told her, "Like yours." And dang if she didn't do it just that way, and I was forever grateful to that young lady for making my hair look great for a very long time. And then there are even TV programs, "Sheer Genius," I think was the name, and I loved watching that show, but they didn't spend enough time showing us how the stylists did their hair tricks and stuff. There was another one that focused on one of the top hair stylists in Los Angeles, they did a season of it, I think, and I was fascinated with the high-end business and how beautiful some of the hair looked when his crew finished up a ladies who were hopeless when she came in the door. He also did celebrity hair from time to time, went to their wonderful homes and enjoyed all that luxury whilst styling their hair.

I'm just saying, hair styling and cosmetology is a very interesting career choice for you, flexible, and you will develop quite an artistic style as you progress. People will pay good money for a great stylist. You can build up a portfolio of great hair you've done and move up in the ranks of salons to a really nice place. Or you can keep it low-key and if you like whatever town you wind up in, you can choose to stick around with a small salon.

A couple ideas on where to move to, whether you move now and keep stripping, or move after you've got some months of work beyond cosmetology school behind you. Do NOT move in with some man who has eyes for you, you'll be sending out the wrong signals and this may upset the man. Do NOT find a roommate through Craig's List, that can be quite iffy. Instead, you look in all the local types of newspapers in the classifieds under, "Roommates Wanted," and under "Homes for Rent, Apts for Rent," and IF you can find two or three people looking for someone to fill a spot so they can make rent, and you go meet them and like them and they like you, why, that would be your best bet. And you can do their hair as a favor on special occasions!!! Living alone is so hard, unless you are willing to invest some time and training of a small dog.

In the old days, girls stayed home until they were married. Wow. But that's the culture we women of the 21st century are just coming out of. Whereas men, they planned for a career, that's all they thought about was making money at a dignified occupation or one they were familiar with (like their family business). We women could take some learning from them. Do not think about how things are tough all over at home right now. Think instead of the very best way for you to get your cosmetology career going, and be quite serious about it, and always look for ways to advance yourself, and get VERY good at what you're doing. No matter how much work it takes, how much time, always aim to be one of the best at your level. Stack that cash up in savings, and very carefully consider spending any of it. If you want a car, no new ones, only very good used ones. If you want to rent, try to go cheap with roommates that advertise in your local paper, that you can meet and decide if you like them, or rent an apartment that used to be an older house and is now divided into apartments in a lively neighborhood with people your age, perhaps, or a complex with a balcony/patio and a pool that doesn't charge too much.

And one last thing, if I can intrude. You said you don't have a friend to move in with. One way to make some good friends along the way is to take classes or join groups for something you're interested in. You can take basic beginning art classes, learn how to sketch, draw, and paint. ANYONE can do that particular creative pursuit with lessons, and it is SO much fun to rent a place that has a sunny spot, like a eat-in kitchen with sliding glass doors, and set up a big table with your paints and brushes and canvases, and get a decent stand to lock in the canvas, and using your largest brushes, swab some on that thing and look at the dazzling colors, sprinkle some glitter on there, maybe add a phrase or word that you like, just paint the things you like. You will be an artist! OR you can take classes in dancing, specifically salsa dancing and there's a few others that require a partner, and you get to dance with all sorts of interesting men, and you can get really good at it, and next thing you know, your monthly weekend evenings out are spent in a club that has a special night for tango dancing only. You see, this is how you can meet some really good friends who share your interests. There are lessons and clubs for EVERYTHING. Guitar, hiking, wine-making, horseback riding, you name it.

Life is not all about whining about your mother... all young people whine about that. It's nothing new. But it's what you do with YOUR life that matters the most. Learning to put up with an upset mother will serve you well down the road, patience, understanding, being quiet when you want to scream, you know, just being bigger than all the swirling swamp at your feet, PARTICULARLY when it promotes your career to stay home. In fact, sometimes the way to defeat evil is to ask them what you might could do for them, you know, pass around the love, if they're accepting and you want things to improve.

So, in summary, please, put off moving for a while, get your cosmetology license, do very well at your school so you can get good recomendation to a nice salon, and then work at your job very hard, always keep studying, like certain styles and practice how to achieve them, always ask for help in improving your techniques when the salon isn't too busy, and build a career that has the potential of having so much personal reward in it for you. And while you're at it, begin to plan how you are going to spend all this money you're saving up. Renting is first, look into all possibilities, check the newspaper ads, and take your time with this thing. Roommates really is a very good way to go, just keep in mind whomever signed the rental lease will be "in charge," and if they make demands, you meet them and then some. Take some lessons to study something you'd love to learn to do in your spare time, and put the effort and time into it to become good at it, and you'll not only meet new friends, but you'll also be proud of this sideline fun activity that you do well. Or join a group of people who share existing interests.

But stripping for the cash and moving in with some random guy is mixed up and leads nowhere. A human being is made up of SO much potential, the world is yours if you want it, so take a little time to prepare for your beginnings. You want "blast-off" to be without a lot of obstacles, and you sure don't want to crash and burn at this stage of life. Girl, you go for cosmetology, you stay home and learn to live with people who are out to release their own problems on other people, until you are good and really ready to make a move to a great apartment situation, with cash to spare, and THEN you can move. But do not move now. It's not the smartest move and definitely will not be easy at all. Don't be so hard on yourself, give yourself time to get ready to live a great life. Let us know anytime you want to about how things are going for you. I'm rooting for you and I'm sure there's a bunch of other people on this website who feel like I do, we want you to do well, my dear. Hang in, style hair, and you will receive all the wonderful things that you want for yourself.
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Old 09-11-2011, 12:22 PM
Location: North Dakota
8,613 posts, read 10,471,843 times
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Stick with the cosmetology school and then move out when you finish. It may be tough but right now that will be your best option. Don't go the route of being a stripper and being stuck in that sleazy lifestyle.
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Old 09-12-2011, 01:30 PM
699 posts, read 1,598,978 times
Reputation: 793
Diablo Cody (Juno author) wrote Candy Girl, about her time as a stripper living with a random guy. You might want to read it and see if that sounds like a good fit for you. As I recall, being a stripper in Minneapolis involved also going into backrooms for simulated sex.

Cosmetology does not always lead to a decent paycheck. I know several people who finished beauty school and were unable to make a living. You need to buy your own products, rent space, built up a clientele... Ask the folks who are working at places like Great Clips, etc. how it is working out for them.

There are, of course, lots of people making a decent living at it. Ask their advice as well.

One strategy many have used to get away from home in a hurry is to become a Certified Nursing Assistant. The course is about 6 weeks followed by a test, there are lots of job openings, and the pay is usually in the $10/hour range. Because of the need for shift work, you can support yourself while having your days free to take courses.

I would agree that finding a roommate beats trading sex for room and board. But each to their own.

Good luck as you head off on your life's adventure.
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Old 09-12-2011, 02:17 PM
Location: In the clouds
861 posts, read 990,708 times
Reputation: 599
Uhhhh why would you want to be a stripper out of all things? Have you ever been to a strip club????
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Old 09-14-2011, 11:34 PM
1,891 posts, read 2,394,392 times
Reputation: 913
You want to be trailer trash?
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Old 09-27-2011, 09:28 PM
10 posts, read 211,798 times
Reputation: 18
Default Been there, done that

I can relate very much to your situation because I dealt with one that was very similar, if not worse. I made the decision to step out on my own right after high school graduation. I wasn't prepared financially and didn't have a well-thought out plan, and it doesn't sound like you do either, so if you decide to do this, realize that it will be a struggle. A HUGE STRUGGLE!!!! Looking back, I realize that I could have dealt with the emotional abuse long enough for me to accumulate the funds needed to be self-sustaining. I could have put up with the 'home that doesn't feel like home' long enough for me to get everything in order.
My biggest advice is to put up with it long enough to get everything in order. That way, when you do walk away, you won't have to think about returning. Not only that, but you won't have to rely on someone else for support. You will be able to take care of yourself and live happily without worries. If you leave unprepared, then you may not have to deal with your mother, but LIFE is going to kick your behind!!!!!
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Old 09-27-2011, 09:35 PM
10 posts, read 211,798 times
Reputation: 18
If you're going to move out though, go to college and stay on campus. Room and board is covered. Fill out your FAFSA correctly and whatever gov grants wont cover, you'll be eligible for gov student loans. Study hard the first year and you'll be eligible for other types of aid and scholarships with a high gpa. If you can't get into a univ., go to a junior or community college and use your financial aid to help with your living expenses.
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