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My beautiful and intelligent niece has been married for 11 years to a young man (OK, they're in their 30's) and followed him to all of his Army posts. They have 4 lovely children. He finally decided that it was time for them to settle in a place where he thought he wanted to stay, and where his job on base would be permanent. He wanted a farm where they could raise their own food, where the kids could have a horse, where they could be country mice instead of city mice. She was not in full agreement, but she decided that they could look. He told his CO that he did not want to travel any more, and that he wanted to stay where he was. His CO agreed, since his particular job and experience was very much in demand where they were. After much looking and many discussions, they bought a lovely farm with a huge old farmhouse on 10 acres for $220,000. It cost them a lot to do this; they had to make some serious adjustments in their finances, and change their lifestyle considerably. All of this she aquiesced to. She called and we emailed often back and forth for advice; what to do with the property, how to raise animals, how to cook and can and process their own food. She was not enthusiastic but she was supportive; and tried very hard to learn and teach her kids. The kids spent time here and learned from us, and loved it.
Well, now it is two years later, and suddenly her DH has changed his mind. The farm is work; not a gentleman squire's country house. He works his job and comes home to help her and the kids finish the chores. Up every day before light and to bed long after dark; it has become a learning experience for his children and a terrible strain on both him and their marriage. Just last month he put in for another transfer. His CO asked him why, and he said bluntly that he had changed his mind and that he couldn't handle it. Now they are going to have to wait for orders to come thru, and put the farm on the market - in this market. They are up to their eyeballs in not only debt but the ongoing labor of keeping the farm up. She is in torture - she wasn't enthusiastic about the farm and its responsibilities and its costs to begin with, but she acclimated because he insisted that he "knew it was the right thing to do". If they are able to sell at all, they will probably take a huge fiscal hit - and then they will be moving their kids again, packing and moving onto another base, into other schools - after he had already told everyone including their children and his fellow employees and bosses that they were staying put, and built their lives around that decision.
Bottom line, a lot of people who 'want to live on a farm!" have no idea what it really entails. Not only the work and the learning curve, but the very real costs of the property, the upkeep, animals, and the expenses of living away from amenities, even the simple ones like church and schools and groceries. Walking into it blind, with just the vaseline-smeared lens of the dreamy photographer's mind's eye as one's only perspective, will result in a sudden and harsh wake-up call when the fantasy of "the good life" is stripped away in the pasture during a force three blizzard, trying to round up an intractable cow to milk at 4 AM.
DH needs an education about real life, real farm life, before he grabs you and your child's hand and makes that leap into the unknown - or you will all be miserable when you land.
I think I'd be thinking about looking at Arkansas or Missouri. There are lots of really beautiful places around those parts and not too expensive. With a dream like your hubbys I would never consider arrid places or places with poor soils. When you have lots of water and good soil, gardening is a joy when you don't it's a struggle.
I was way out in the boonies about 100 miles south west o Little Rock and I met this guy. Now this fella was happier than a pig in sh-t. He made more money that anyone else he knew, $14 an hour. He had just bought himself a place in the country for his 5 kids and 3 dogs. He told me it was nice and he paid $23,000 for it.
A good friend of mine bought a big farm in WV for 125,000. It was a good mix of fields and bush. It had it's own gas well with so much gas he needed a pressure reducer at the well head so he could use the gas. It had it's own little saw mill and a big heated, with the free gas, barn. I asked him what the people did around there for jobs and he told me that almost no one has ever had one. They do a bit of this and a bit of that for some cash and live off the land and the game pretty much. He kept the place for about 6 years, fixed it all up and made some money off the timber. His idea at first was to make a bed and breakfast but he realized very few tourists get out that way. He sold the place for a decent profit and then moved up to northern Ontario. He's living off the moose and bears up there. LOL
You're looking at .2 acres and thinking that's big enough for someone who wants acres? My last house was on .19 acres and I could hear my neighbor light his cigarette on his porch every morning. No such thing as real privacy, even with a fence.
Sounds like maybe you two need to compromise big time, it doesn't have to be an either/or situation, the burbs or the boonies does it? Go for something in between.
Maybe think about starting out on a little hobby farm just outside a small city or town and see how that goes. Find a place with two or three acres. Buy a little garden tractor or tiller and plant a quarter or half acre garden, plant a few vines or berry bushes. Get a half dozen hens and maybe a goat. Learn how to do some canning.
It'll give him a little taste of self sufficiency if he can supply some of his own food, without it being a ton of work. You guys are still young enough that if the lifestyle works, you could buy a bigger piece of property later on down the line and get serious about homesteading. Seems a little ambitious to just jump right into it without any experience at all.
And country living doesn't have to mean isolation or homeschooling. I grew up on 10 acres and went to a good small public school, did all the usual b'day party, skating rink, scouting type of typical kid stuff. There were other kids on the street to play with, granted we usually rode our bikes to each others houses because walking took away too much valuable after school free time. Not to mention that for a gregarious child a twenty minute bus ride to and from school should present plenty of opportunity to talk and make friends.
The problem here is NOT about the specific "plans".
The "plans" (serial and changing) are a symptom of the problem.
Moving with him to some new place won't fix that.
I think you should introduce him to Maslows Hierarchy of Needs. It clearly states that you buy a house before a piece of land you don't know how to utilize.
I'd look for a place to rent on a acre or so, and see how much work it is and if he still likes it. But only if thats what YOU want also. I dont agree with the posters who said for you to be barefoot, pregnant, wearing your apron to bed and to follow him blindly. ( Ok, I paraphrased a bit ) Its important to make hubby happy, but mamas gotta be happy too. Good luck and it sounds like you've done a great job with the finances, so if this takes more time you'll just save more $$$
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Bottom line, a lot of people who 'want to live on a farm!" have no idea what it really entails. Not only the work and the learning curve, but the very real costs of the property, the upkeep, animals, and the expenses of living away from amenities, even the simple ones like church and schools and groceries. Walking into it blind, with just the vaseline-smeared lens of the dreamy photographer's mind's eye as one's only perspective, will result in a sudden and harsh wake-up call when the fantasy of "the good life" is stripped away in the pasture during a force three blizzard, trying to round up an intractable cow to milk at 4 AM.
DH needs an education about real life, real farm life, before he grabs you and your child's hand and makes that leap into the unknown - or you will all be miserable when you land.
Wait a second...
Since when does "Land" = "Farm"
I'm taking the paperwork to the lawyer tomorrow on 80 acres of "Land" but it will NEVER be a "Farm"!
I want a place off the grid, early retirement etc... but I have NO intention of being a 'Farmer"
Now, A couple hundred fruit and nut trees, some berry hedges etc... Sure.
But it iwll mostly be stuff that I need to spend 5 min pruning per year per tree... and if that should not happen for some reason.... the tree will still live.
And If I don't want/Am not there to eat the fruit and nuts... the Squirrels and Deer (Yes I know they will also be an issue in growing) will eat well.
About the most I plan to EVER "Farm" will be a couple of Raised beds of Square foot gardening... that that not any time soon. Most of ti will simply be "Buffer" atleast so long as I am alive and own it!
Rabbits and a few birds perhaps (Helped with those when I was little)
but if they are more than I want, they will all find themselves cooked.
This has NOTHING to do with my desire to go back to the lifestyle I was raised in (Although I'm doing it in the mountains rather than the swamp I grew up in)
Land and Farm are 2 different things. I recomend the OP talk to her SO more.
I characterized it for years as "The ability to shoot of my porch naked, although I won't do it more than once just to be able to say I have done it"
Meaning, I can do what I want, and no one is around to see or pester me about it.
Lots of cottages on acreage in the Southern Tier at the west end of WNY... While we live in the north part of Erie County -- on 4 acres, we have a well (we are on county water, but it is usable), can hunt ( farm out back), do garden and I can and dry and freeze foods.... however, we have been doing in about 40 years.
If I was going to do what your husband wants, I would look for a small cabin on 5 acres or so, that has a well and electric at the road. Go there half the year If it works out, then you build a house there or enlarge the cabin. Prices in Cattaraugus and Chautaqua counties are low... youmight even find a real house. just get some wooded land and some field and make sure it is up high.
Look up Buncy -- they are the big realtors out that way
Wait a second... Since when does "Land" = "Farm" ... I'm taking the paperwork to the lawyer tomorrow on 80 acres of "Land" but it will NEVER be a "Farm"!
I want a place off the grid, early retirement etc... but I have NO intention of being a 'Farmer"....
I characterized it for years as "The ability to shoot of my porch naked, although I won't do it more than once just to be able to say I have done it" Meaning, I can do what I want, and no one is around to see or pester me about it.
THIS is what the original poster said...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Torrential_Downpours
He tells me his dream is to retire 'on land he owns and can do whatever he wants with'. We talk about being semi-self sufficient and homesteading a lot. I've gotten into container gardening and successfully care for a few indoor and outdoor plants.
The greatest factor would definitely be to have no HOas, lax city codes or rural geared zonings that would allow us to homestead like we want.
I have no problem living in a trailer and off the grid, but this is a man who in South Florida complains when I set the thermostat warmer than 74 in our home. He couldn't survive without ac. I'm a realist, and even though all my ancestors where farmers, I don't expect to be able to farm a few acres without the slightest clue how.
You can move to the country and be a 'country squire' or 'gentleman farmer', or even a simple hermit, Themanwithnoname, but that was not what the OP said her DH wanted.
I will make the point, however, that if you are buying 80 acres, whether you do anything with it or not, it will continue to grow and change, move and flourish, whether you ever put a plow to it or not. You will still need to fix fences, trim trees, watch the brush so it doesn't pile up against your house or fences, and either break them apart or become a fire hazard. If you don't, it will dislike and try to destroy/overgrow your very human 'improvements' - or be a great place for hunters and ATV'ers, even snowmobiliers, without consciences, to take advantage of, especially when you are not there.
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We talk about being semi-self sufficient and homesteading a lot. I've gotten into container gardening and successfully care for a few indoor and outdoor plants.
