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i'm a 40 year old divorced man, with two kids who are with me once during the week and every other weekend. they are 15 and 12.
9 months ago my g/f and i parted ways...i was in her house so i had to move. i've been in a 2 bedroom apt. since. my son and i share a room (when he's here).
my apartment is in a nice area of town and i like the convenience. but i've been feeling like i needed to buy a house.
so i entered a contract on a house, and my closing is scheduled for next tuesday. i'm wrecked over this. i don't know if it's the stress of the physical move, the financial obligations, the commitment, etc. i'm guessing it's all of the above.
i am strongly considering breaking my contract and forfeiting my earnest money plus fees if necessary.
thing is, it's a brand new home...nice subdivision, kids each have their own room, and my monthly payment is no more than my current rent. it's a little out of the city, but still only 20 minutes from town.
but honestly i feel like i'm doing it for my kids, and possibly for others who would see it as the proper thing to do. but in reality I'M not totally into doing it. the more i think about it, i feel nauseous.
i'm overly analytical so i'm probably stressing too hard about this...
i've also thought that a house is probably a good idea for me, but maybe less of a house. i can afford the down payment but i'm wanting less of a monthly payment.
i'll be glad to have some more clarity...this is damn near driving me insane.
I think you may be stressing too much over your decision. Finding the perfect set of circumstances is elusive, finding an reason to say something is not perfect is easy. Buying a house and moving are both very stressful, if you weren't feeling stressed then there would be a problem.
Buying a house in a nice neighborhood so your kids can have their own space and stability sounds to me like you're a good dad. You'll get the benefit of the tax deduction, not giving your money away to a landlord and you can paint you daughter's bedroom whatever color she wants.
i feel like i wouldn't even be doing this at all if not for the kids. i'm just wanting to feel better about it myself. plus i hate change, and hate moving even more...and i can't seem to get excited about this. closing is next week and i haven't even shown the house to the kids. i guess it will just be a great big surprise
anytime i think about my kids and their benefit here, i become enamoured with the idea...as dogmama says, painting my daughter's room, and giving my son his own room...
logistically, i do have my apartment thru mid-december, so i'm not on a huge time crunch. i just want to feel at peace with this...and for some reason that's elusive.
So, break the contract tomorrow, lose your earnest money, and stay in your apartment.
believe me, i've thought about it...but i'm conflicted...
objectively (no emotion)...it seems like moving to the house is the thing to do. maybe having a "good feeling" about the move isn't that important...esp. since i struggle with moving, change, etc., as it is. not sure i trust my emotions right now...
i feel like i wouldn't even be doing this at all if not for the kids. i'm just wanting to feel better about it myself. plus i hate change, and hate moving even more...and i can't seem to get excited about this. closing is next week and i haven't even shown the house to the kids. i guess it will just be a great big surprise
anytime i think about my kids and their benefit here, i become enamoured with the idea...as dogmama says, painting my daughter's room, and giving my son his own room...
logistically, i do have my apartment thru mid-december, so i'm not on a huge time crunch. i just want to feel at peace with this...and for some reason that's elusive.
Whose well-being comes first? Yours? Or, your kids?
You're probably going through a period of depression from the divorce and, when I found myself in similar straits, the most effective remedy I found was to concentrate on the welfare of someone else.
Doing for others, plus physical exercise, are the best medicines for depression. Buy the house and go walking every day. Focus on something else, ANYTHING else but your problems.
Lots of home buyers get cold feet, but your situation sounds like its more than that. I agree with the poster who said you might be depressed. Did you, or do you have any love for the new house? Did you say "wow" when you 1st saw it? If not, maybe this is nothing more than you settled for the wrong house for you & the kids. Did you look at a lot of houses?
Or is it that you fear leaving the apartment life. Having so many neighbors that you feel are more "like" you and have a lot in common with. Are you worried you'll be the only single among nothing but families? I get that, as you dont have your kids full time, so might worry being alone in a big house. All I can offer for advice is that the house WILL be better for your kids. No child wants to share a bedroom with a parent at that age. And if your looking for a g/f or future wife, you having a house will make you a better catch.
I dont mean that the woman will want your assets, but owning your own home makes you appear more stable. So if the problem isnt that you dont love the house, I'll bet your life will improve having your own home. If its just not the right house, yeah, get out of the deal. And dont even stress about the moving part...thats a small blip in time compared to the rest of your life. Good luck & I hope you keep us updated. I'm nos...I mean I hate wondering what happened to a poster.
My guess is that you'll feel a lot better once the move is done. It sounds to me like this move is the right thing for your family. Not just for your kids...maybe being in a new neighborhood will give you a new outlook on life as well.
i feel like i wouldn't even be doing this at all if not for the kids. .
And that's different from anything else you do....how?
I don't get why you'd want to rent and SHARE A BR WITH YOUR TEENAGE SON when you can have a house for the same price. How long do you reasonably think your son wants to share a room with you?!
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