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Old 11-17-2011, 09:46 AM
 
2 posts, read 16,115 times
Reputation: 15

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I am very close to my parents and have been working for them for the last 8 years doing their bookkeeping for their business, they were considering selling their business and even had a potential buyer. The deal fell through and they are not selling anymore. During the time that they were in the process of selling my husband and I had talked about moving further North where it's not so hot and humid during the summer and the cost of living is so much cheaper. I can stay home with the kids and I can figure out what I want to do with my life.

I would mention moving to my parents and they would clam up or change the subject, basically they didn't want to hear anything I was saying. When we found out the deal with the business fell through we started looking a little closer to home so I could keep working for them but still be farther North. We have a couple friends who live in PA (we live in MD) that are about 3-4 hours away so we went and looked at houses in that area and actually found a house that we both fell in love with.

When I told my parents that we put a offer in on a house in PA, my mom started crying and my dad didn't really speak, they were like "this is so sudden" and you "haven't mentioned this before". There has been a lot of tension between my husband and my parents for the past 6 months and now they think he is trying to take me away and I am not going to be happy, even when I tell them this is what I want to do.

Everytime I mention my move to anyone and my dad is around he tells them I am breaking my mother's heart and he doesn't believe the cost of living is any diffrerent other than the cost of a house, he doesn't understand why we can't just stay here. It's something I want to do and they are just not being in any way supportive. They have lived here all of their life and I want to go try something new. I am 32 years old, we have a 17 month old daughter and I am 3 months pregnant, I can't take anymore stress! It is causing problems in my marriage and I am getting frustrated and resentful towards my parents. My husband and I have agreed to stay in the area until the baby is born, which will put us in a financial bind if we are not careful but we want our family around and I don't want to have to switch doctors and hospitals. Any suggestions on how to deal with this kind of situation? Should I just move asap or stick it out until the baby is born? I have been to a counselor but with the holidays coming up I can't get another appt for a month.
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Old 11-17-2011, 11:15 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
7,214 posts, read 8,462,467 times
Reputation: 7775
I'm confused as to what their business situation has to do with your move? Were you not going to keep working in the business if they sold it?

Anyway, it sounds like it will be best for your family if you do move. I would think staying until your new child is born makes sense, rather than trying to move and find a new doctor, etc. Four hours really isn't that big a deal. You can easily come visit on weekends, or they can come visit you. Just my two cents.
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Old 11-17-2011, 11:17 AM
 
Location: Texas
14,076 posts, read 18,650,700 times
Reputation: 7751
Sorry, but the best thing to do with manipulative parents who use guilt as a weapon against their kids is to tell them to screw off. They'll get over it.
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Old 11-17-2011, 11:46 AM
 
29,986 posts, read 39,362,082 times
Reputation: 12792
It is unreasonable that parents of an adult daughter with a husband, a child, and another on the way do not realize her priorities should be with her family and not with her parents. Four hours away is close enough for the OP's parents to visit often and far enough to give her young family the space they need. When a woman marries she is supposed to cleave to her husband and her children, not her parents. Time to grow up! You can cut the umbilical cord and still love your parents and be loving toward them without caving to their unreasonable wants for controlling your family's future.
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Old 11-17-2011, 11:47 AM
 
Location: Between Seattle and Portland
1,266 posts, read 2,982,690 times
Reputation: 1503
Quote:
Originally Posted by stillkit View Post
Sorry, but the best thing to do with manipulative parents who use guilt as a weapon against their kids is to tell them to screw off. They'll get over it.
Yes, they are guilt-tripping you BIG time.

Whose life is it, anyway? You are a grown woman with a husband, a child, another one on the way, and have never stretched your wings to fly further from the nest than most fledglings do!

I say move NOW to the house you love in the new town and invite your parents to bring a nice housewarming gift for when they come to visit YOU in your new digs.

Good luck to you.
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Old 11-17-2011, 01:00 PM
 
Location: under the beautiful Carolina blue
19,915 posts, read 29,729,051 times
Reputation: 15760
Your parents have waaaaay too much say in your life. And you give them way too much info and allow them to think that they have a say in your life. Unless they are supporting you, you are a grown woman with a husband, child and another on the way....do what you want. Four hours is not that big of a deal. Will confess to being curious where you live that is 4 miles south of PA that is SOOOO expensive compared to PA.
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Old 11-17-2011, 01:09 PM
 
Location: Planet Eaarth
8,955 posts, read 18,752,456 times
Reputation: 7193
Quote:
Originally Posted by lemondrop123 View Post
I am very close to my parents and have been working for them for the last 8 years doing their bookkeeping for their business, they were considering selling their business and even had a potential buyer. The deal fell through and they are not selling anymore. During the time that they were in the process of selling my husband and I had talked about moving further North where it's not so hot and humid during the summer and the cost of living is so much cheaper. I can stay home with the kids and I can figure out what I want to do with my life.

I would mention moving to my parents and they would clam up or change the subject, basically they didn't want to hear anything I was saying. When we found out the deal with the business fell through we started looking a little closer to home so I could keep working for them but still be farther North. We have a couple friends who live in PA (we live in MD) that are about 3-4 hours away so we went and looked at houses in that area and actually found a house that we both fell in love with.

When I told my parents that we put a offer in on a house in PA, my mom started crying and my dad didn't really speak, they were like "this is so sudden" and you "haven't mentioned this before". There has been a lot of tension between my husband and my parents for the past 6 months and now they think he is trying to take me away and I am not going to be happy, even when I tell them this is what I want to do.

Everytime I mention my move to anyone and my dad is around he tells them I am breaking my mother's heart and he doesn't believe the cost of living is any diffrerent other than the cost of a house, he doesn't understand why we can't just stay here. It's something I want to do and they are just not being in any way supportive. They have lived here all of their life and I want to go try something new. I am 32 years old, we have a 17 month old daughter and I am 3 months pregnant, I can't take anymore stress! It is causing problems in my marriage and I am getting frustrated and resentful towards my parents. My husband and I have agreed to stay in the area until the baby is born, which will put us in a financial bind if we are not careful but we want our family around and I don't want to have to switch doctors and hospitals. Any suggestions on how to deal with this kind of situation? Should I just move asap or stick it out until the baby is born? I have been to a counselor but with the holidays coming up I can't get another appt for a month.
This is where you really are "leaving home" and your parents are having to face the hard reality that you ARE grown,that you ARE married, that you will no longer be 'at hand' labor for their needs at their will.

In other words........your parents will now have to finish growing up and accept you for the adult INDIVIDUAL that you are.

If you & hubby want to move then do so. Mom & Dad will get over it fine.
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Old 11-17-2011, 01:22 PM
 
15,003 posts, read 16,002,615 times
Reputation: 12962
4 hours is not too far away that they can't come see you or you see them. live your life not the one your parents think you should. you need to make your choice based on your family not what your parents think your life should be.

if they can't take the trouble to find a way to come see you then you and your family are not that important to them. something you should know if you are thinking about staying for them.
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Old 11-18-2011, 09:05 PM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC... for now
68 posts, read 206,202 times
Reputation: 131
I know what you are talking about. My wife and I are going through the same thing with my parents. We live in NC and are moving to Arizona and my parents hate it. They have been in denial and my Mom has been trying to poo poo the plan, but we are undaunted.

I have figured out that parents will always see their children as little kids and sometimes it takes moving away to make them see you as the adult you are.

Don't get nasty with them like "Stillkit" says, who said to tell your parents "screw off"... What incredibly stupid and horrible advice. Honor your parents by respecting the way they feel, but don't let the way they are acting change your plans.

Just remember they are hurting over this, but they need to understand you are out from under their wing. That's a big part of the reason we are moving so far away.

Marc
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Old 11-18-2011, 09:08 PM
 
Location: Texas
14,076 posts, read 18,650,700 times
Reputation: 7751
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thejumpsuitman View Post
I know what you are talking about. My wife and I are going through the same thing with my parents. We live in NC and are moving to Arizona and my parents hate it. They have been in denial and my Mom has been trying to poo poo the plan, but we are undaunted.

I have figured out that parents will always see their children as little kids and sometimes it takes moving away to make them see you as the adult you are.

Don't get nasty with them like "Stillkit" says, who said to tell your parents "screw off"... What incredibly stupid and horrible advice. Honor your parents by respecting the way they feel, but don't let the way they are acting change your plans.

Just remember they are hurting over this, but they need to understand you are out from under their wing. That's a big part of the reason we are moving so far away.

Marc

That's what it took for me. If you can do it more politely, great. If not, do what you have to do or submit yourself to them.
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