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Old 09-16-2018, 10:58 AM
Location: Chicago area
17,875 posts, read 10,551,653 times
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I would say it depends on the family dynamic and how well everyone gets along? We have young Indian friends with a daughter that was born here. She misses her parents and wants to go back. He does not get along with the family and wants to stay. Their daughter is closer to us then her grandparents. They're staying here in the USA and are applying for citizenship. It seems that thousands and thousands of miles between him and her family are just fine. I feel that hundreds of miles away from my husbands family is just fine. I'll stay where the love is.

I don't think an hour away is too far from family. It may be just right.
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Old 09-16-2018, 10:07 PM
Location: Henderson, NV
7,088 posts, read 7,947,664 times
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Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
My opinion is probably offensive but I don't care.

If you want frank honesty, it's a red flag for me when someone says they've moved around a lot. To me it signifies someone who can't put roots down and be a long term, productive member of a community. It's an even bigger red flag when they move their family around just out of sheer boredom.

I also hold off on making friends with people unless I know they've lived in this area for at least 5 years. I'm not interested in getting involved with people who are going to move soon and I think it's selfish of them to expect that anyway.
How would anyone new ever make friends, then? Or are they supposed to live 5 years in solitude first before earning your stamp of approval? If you move, you're always new somewhere once anyway. There are a lot of other good indicators of whether someone will stay where they are, including just asking them. So many people will be honest and say, "I'm planning to move to Los Angeles in a few years for film" or "My husband got a job here, we'll see how long it lasts," which probably means they're not in it for the long haul. They may or may not be.

I haven't moved around a ton, only lived in two cities myself (but each one a few times, actually), but I know when I move to my next city it'll be my permanent home. I hope I meet some cool people who don't mind that I haven't lived there for 5 years :P
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Old 09-16-2018, 10:12 PM
Location: Texas
13,485 posts, read 7,136,615 times
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Originally Posted by PippySkiddles View Post
yea, it is. I don't know that I have ever met someone with that thought process.
Where do you get the 5 year plan?
Life is full of ups and downs and meeting people with whom you may or may not see or know for always. To shut people out based on a time frame is just....well-weird.
Do you inquire of them, when meeting someone, about the length of time they have lived in your area?
What if you were to move, would you expect everyone in your new town to not befriend you for 5 years?

I honestly don't give a damn. I don't care how they make friends. I guess they join social clubs. I really don't know.
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Old 09-17-2018, 04:03 AM
Location: Henderson, NV
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Hahaha, well at least you're honest. I have experienced the frustration of working on making new friends that end up moving away, too, and it is part of life's annoyances.

I think there are ways to combat that to some degree depending on the types of situations you place yourself in. I've heard, for instance, that Las Vegas is a "very transient city," which is all well and good, but my neighborhood will be among million dollar homes. It's not altogether likely the people buying expensive homes are the same people working on the Strip for minimum wage and tips that roll through town, stay there for a few years, and end up going back home. Not to say by any means I wouldn't befriend those people, too, I'm open to anyone as a friend, but there are certain places and types of people who are more well established in the community and more likely to remain friends.

I also think you can gauge those things without a specific rule. I think when anyone meets me when I move there, knowing I have 4 relatives in town already, and that it has long been my desire to move there, I'm a fan of the local sports team, etc., they'll understand I'm playing for keeps and looking to make long-term friendships with locals.
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Old 09-20-2018, 10:20 AM
951 posts, read 458,941 times
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Originally Posted by wittynamehere View Post
Well, the title of this thread is my question. Some background on me. My husband and I have been talking about relocating closer to my family in a couple of years when I am done with school. We currently live in Texas and we are fairly close, about an hour or so, away from his family. My family lives in Kansas, however I have lived in Texas since I was about a year old. I just had to make an emergency trip to Kansas a month ago because my dad had a heart attack and passed away a couple of days later. The kicker was that I only got to meet him 4 years ago.

Anyway, since that happened my husband and I have had discussions about moving closer to the rest of the family that I have that still lives there so that maybe I can get to know them better since I grew up not knowing about any of them. He is all for the idea while I have reservations. My problem is that I don't know if I am just rationalizing to avoid the huge life change moving that far away from everything I've ever known would entail, or if my hesitations are actually good, because they are keeping me from diving in to a disaster.

The hesitations I have are mostly related to my kids. My husband and I only have 1 child together, but I have 3 others from previous relationships. The oldest lives with his dad (his choice, not mine) and I have custody of the other two. Right now, I live in the same town as my oldest son and I hardly see him, mostly because he doesn't like the rules at my house. The father of my other two lives about 20 minutes away and sees them every other weekend but is not in the best of health. I keep telling my husband that I don't think I can take those two away from their dad like that, even if we would be moving to a place where there is so much more extended family. I also don't think I can leave my oldest son, even though he doesn't want to live with me. And then there is the issue of my two best friends, who have been so much like family to me for most of my life. How do I leave this?

How do I decide what is best for both me and my kids? I am torn because I want with every fiber of my being to leave Texas because I am just over it, but I know that I have to take my kids needs into consideration. So tell me, how to people make the choice to uproot their family from everything they've ever known and set down roots elsewhere? How do people get over the guilt of leaving family and friends behind? Or is it just me feeling guilty for ridiculous reasons? Sorry for such a long post, but I am interested in people's thoughts.
You are the typical family makeup today. I can only speak for myself, but there is no way I am going to get involved with people in that situation. Too much drama and energy wasted.
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