Better to move near a favorite person or to a cool town? (relocate, job)
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I'm a fairly recent widow looking for a new place to live with a lower cost of living than SoCal. Employment is not an issue.
I have a toddler, so I tried to constrain my choices to places where I have a friend or family member who can be a sort of support for me while I build friendships, etc. I also happened upon a few towns where I don't know a soul but feel jazzed about what I have heard (and in once case seen on a visit).
What do you think I should weigh most heavily as I consider my options? Is moving close to my best friend since first grade a no-brainer even if she lives in a city that people write about with hate? Is moving where you know one person always a better choice than moving where you don't know anyone?
I haven't mentioned specific towns because I am more interested in the philosophy of things. I believe that you always make new friends and that happiness can be had almost anywhere. But I'm not sure how to approach this choice. I plan to visit a lot of places and do short-term rentals, etc. Eventually I have to pull the trigger and make a decision, and I'm interested in opinions.
First of all, I am so sorry for your loss.
I can only imagine what you're going through.
In looking to relocate myself, I'm going back and forth with a similar issue:
Live where I know someone, or go somewhere that interests me, where I wouldn't know anyone.
In doing research, I read where you should move to where you want to live, not because someone lives there. Because.. that person you move to be near.. may end up having to leave the area for whatever reason. This happened to some friends of mine just recently.
They moved back to Florida to be near their friends (me being one of them), and for various reasons, some of us will be moving soon.
Your situation is unique in that a support system sounds like a good idea at this time in your life?
I wish you nothing but the best in whatever you decide.
I too am very sorry for your loss.
I totally agree w/ the above poster. I would add....They say after you've suffered a tragedy that you should not make life choice decisions for awhile. However, the death of your spouse may leave you feeling vulnerable and in great need of support. I would really look long and hard at least living close to your supportive family or friends, even if not in the same town.
I hope you find the place you chose to be what you are seeking. Good luck to you.
I will also add that I'm sorry for your loss. I have moved to places where I didn't know people and I found it to be an adventure. However, I can understand why you might want to live closer to a friend. Let the deciding factor be where you can afford to live.
I read where you should move to where you want to live, not because someone lives there. Because.. that person you move to be near.. may end up having to leave the area for whatever reason.
That is a good warning. One person I talked to about this said that after a year the novelty of being near a certain person might wear thin, so I should be sure I really liked the place.
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Let the deciding factor be where you can afford to live.
All of my finalists are pretty close to each other in terms of cost of living. The most affordable is the one people seem to hate (I will drop a hint and say it is in TN and starts with M)
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They say after you've suffered a tragedy that you should not make life choice decisions for awhile.
I'm finding that I'm a bit of an exception. Normally this would make me think I'm in some sort of denial (no one should assume they are an exception). But he was terminal from the moment he was diagnosed and I did most of my processing while he was still alive. And I can't imagine waiting around for a year to get on with a new life that I know I want. As an aside, you should all get life insurance if you are married or have children, do it now.
[quote=Mozzie;27324096]All of my finalists are pretty close to each other in terms of cost of living. The most affordable is the one people seem to hate (I will drop a hint and say it is in TN and starts with M)
This is too funny!
I'm seriously considering moving back to WI after 17 years in South Florida.
Because of the reactions I get.. I'm keeping it on the down low...
Another thing that you might want to consider is work...even if you don't need to. You may find eventually (especially once your child is a little older) that you want to do something with yourself, such as go back to school doing something you've always dreamed of. I don't believe a profession, especially for someone in your position, should be about making money. Do what you LOVE. So maybe a college town, or an artsy mountain town, or a place where there is a great outlet for local musician, or someplace where there is a need for a business you would like to open...whatever floats your boat, might be things you want to consider.
As for living near friends/family, if you are planning on renting in several places first, I would not think it would be a priority. You can always change your mind if you don't like a place. I think it would be important to be within a reasonable day trip to be with friends and family.
I'm also so sorry for your loss. And, yes, a good reminder about life insurance. It's really cheap for a term policy. No excuse for not having it. I hope I never need mine.
I, too, am sorry for your loss. My first thought was, "Who will watch the toddler when you have an appointment or some event where your toddler cannot go along?" If you are going to line up care options, will someone be available all the time, just in case? That is the toughest part of having a child to consider and probably the best reason to choose a place where a friend or relative can give you guidance.
I am so sorry for your loss. I am so impressed by your readiness to explore your options! I had a similar choice years ago moving near friends or my choice of places for a job offer. I decided to choose a different place than near my friends, and so glad I did! I love where I live now, the kicker was the friends I wanted to move close to, for ended up moving out of the area a year later!!
In my opinion you should go with a place you love. Best of luck to you and your child.
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