Should I make a lateral career move to a city we prefer?

[Nanny Goat]

When you move, there is always, always things you have to "give up" in the old place. Can't change without leaving things behind--that's the point of change. Hehe. But, on paper and philosophically it's easy to say, harder to live through it. Moving is a balancing act, getting more of what you want, weighing things, etc. to come up with the right balance. You gotta feel the "vibe" you like in a place foremost. Nothing can go on if you don't really like the place.

[oc2nyc]

I raised four kids at home while my husband worked. Now that three are in college, and one in high school, I am so thankful that I had that time with them. It's not for everyone but if it's your goal for your wife to stay at home then it seems like MKE is where you should be. You might, or might not, be jeopardizing the acceleration of your career but you need to look at the big picture, and what it will mean for your kids to have mom home full time. Moving to SF or London seems like more lateral moves as far as COL and quality of life. It's nice to get input but in the end only you know what feels right for your family.

[Renton13]

So I talked to the "lateral move" company today in Milwaukee. It's an old-line manufacturer with worldwide operations and is doing very well. However, the discussion was kind of uninspiring. In my area (finance/international), the company itself has--in my estimation--a bloated group.

The group president and I got along really well. But he mentioned in passing that even if more talented, younger, motivated people come aboard, he may not be able to bring them in at the proper level because he does not want to upset the older group (long-timers in their late 40s to early 60s) due to their institutional knowledge. I respect that to a certain degree.

I need to mull it over, but my initial reaction is negative. It also stands in slight contrast to what he told me a couple of months ago about desiring fresh perspectives and new leadership.

In the meantime, I'm also prospecting some smaller, more nimble San Francisco/Bay Area shops for roles that would offer me an immediate leadership position for considerably more pay (in a much higher cost of living area, of course). Those jobs would excite me, but it would be a huge move for us.

But the question becomes moving closer to family for the old-line company and slowing down my career or moving to the west coast and increasing our distance from family.

This is tough. I welcome the thoughts of anyone who may have faced similar choices.

[NoMoreSnowForMe]

Hmmm. Sounds rough. Well, your family would be welcome in Ca Bay Area :-) I'm sure your family could be happy here, too :-)

[Shorty458]

Originally Posted by Renton13

We're a family of six in Manhattan, kids 6 and under. We really love it here, but the real estate and taxes are not workable for us as the kids get older. We are both well employed in great careers and I make about double her salary. My wife wants to stay home with the kids but we just can't do it here. We've lived in Manhattan for 15 years, but we're native Midwesterners.


Is moving to a place we both want more important than making the best career move?

PS--I don't want this to come across that we won't ever be happy if we don't move to MKE--we also love NYC and SF and London and a few other places, and I think we would also be happy if we moved somewhere other than MKE.

I say 100% yes. Once you are there also, you might have more opportunities to advance. Being far away might be limiting you to some extent. My husband and I are in the same situation. We live in Tampa, Fl but we are trying our best to move back to CT. It's so hard finding a job 1300 miles away, especially w/ the fields we are in.

You need to ask yourself, "What will make you the happiest." Careers are great of course, but at the end of the day - to me family is the most important. What type of atmosphere do you want your kids to grow up in?? If my husband or I received a lateral job offer, we would be back up in CT as soon as we could.

From what you describe though, it sounds like what you want for your family, Milwaukee is the better choice.

[Renton13]

Originally Posted by Shorty458

You need to ask yourself, "What will make you the happiest." Careers are great of course, but at the end of the day - to me family is the most important. What type of atmosphere do you want your kids to grow up in?? If my husband or I received a lateral job offer, we would be back up in CT as soon as we could.

From what you describe though, it sounds like what you want for your family, Milwaukee is the better choice.

And that's what it boils down to--I think MKE has what our family is looking for. Even the airport is a breeze compared to larger cities We know where we would live and where the kids would go to school; we could walk to the library, town, schools and the beach. Good-sized homes at reasonable prices with a yard for my three boys and my daughter and a short commute for me. Seems like it could be a pretty good arrangement. If only it was that simple.

This level of job in MKE will not come around again in my field for a while. I know the other companies there, and the people aren't going anywhere. As noted above, I'm concerned about getting stuck in a slow-moving company and limiting my compensation and career track. That said, I am determined to leverage my NY experience for our family financial benefit and I am not sold that this is the right move.

I'm going out there next week to have a look around and meet the team. I will get a better sense then if I would get lost in an endless corporate org chart or if I feel that this could be the place and time for us to finally make the move.

If it doesn't feel right in MKE, I'm looking in SF/Silicon Valley and hope I can circle back to MKE in a few years.

[Bette]

I always worked and had to - well, let me structure that a different way - owned a company when my husband and I got married; had 34 employees, lots of responsibility. We had 2 children and if I could go back and do it again, I would.

I did miss a lot of their life because of working. I now regret it. We do have 2 very independent children and actually one of them now lives in Manhattan so I understand what you are saying about NYC. My children both say they're glad I worked but just little things - the social interactions with other families; just passing on the way things were taught to me rather than the "grandma for hire" that we had.

If your wife wants to stop working for a while and try it, she should. This is such a different world than when my children were little (15-20 years) but now more than ever, children need a parent or parents really involved in their lives.

It's also important that your children be exposed to family. I was very fortunate in that regard. My children have tons of family around them and it is now benefitting them in their 20's. They and their cousins are all close, visit each other and have that support. Most are college grads and some still in college.

I vote for Milwaukee at this point in your life. Your children are only young once.

[WhereTheSidewalkEnds]

Okay - I'm going to be the voice on the other shoulder. If your gut says this company doesn't feel right, then do not do it.

My husband currently works for a company that has been ingrained in old school mentality. The frustration he encounters every day is draining. The newer people are trying hard for change but it is a slow, painful process to change the minds/mentality/attitude of people who have been there forever and stuck in another era.

[sondra_finchley]

I would second the poster above. I currently work for an old-school company in the midwest, that is attempting a transition to something more nimble (this will never work, but the lipstick they are putting on this pig is amusing at least). I look above me on the org chart to my next roles and due to cost cutting and confusion there are no suitable roles for me at this time, nor will there likely be any in the short term. Essentially it is "get in line" if you want to progress here. Actually, I had an interview today with a company with HQs in the Bay Area and was told that for big progress you had to be out there (not that I have a problem with that), otherwise there are a lot of people who had been there a long time who can't have their apple cart upset. That seems counter intuitive to me, but there is definitely that mindset here in the Midwest.

Its enormously frustrating and well, stagnating. We are looking to move onward from here because I just can't handle this slow plodding pace anymore, especially if there is money to be made and skills to be learned in other places. We don't have kids, however.

I've been watching this thread because I am originally from a town close to Milwaukee, and moved back here from the west coast some time ago to be closer to family. I love my where I am from, and I love that part of the state, and while Milwaukee is definitely a bit more influenced by Chicago than some other cities in the Midwest, you are certainly going to run into a deep pit of quicksand, especially if you are seen as some "big shot" from NYC. Your family won't be happy with an angry, frustrated father/husband, so go where you think is the best intersection of Your Career Needs x Family Amenities.

[Renton13]

Originally Posted by sondra_finchley

I would second the poster above. I currently work for an old-school company in the midwest, that is attempting a transition to something more nimble (this will never work, but the lipstick they are putting on this pig is amusing at least). I look above me on the org chart to my next roles and due to cost cutting and confusion there are no suitable roles for me at this time, nor will there likely be any in the short term. Essentially it is "get in line" if you want to progress here. Actually, I had an interview today with a company with HQs in the Bay Area and was told that for big progress you had to be out there (not that I have a problem with that), otherwise there are a lot of people who had been there a long time who can't have their apple cart upset. That seems counter intuitive to me, but there is definitely that mindset here in the Midwest.

Its enormously frustrating and well, stagnating. We are looking to move onward from here because I just can't handle this slow plodding pace anymore, especially if there is money to be made and skills to be learned in other places. We don't have kids, however.

I've been watching this thread because I am originally from a town close to Milwaukee, and moved back here from the west coast some time ago to be closer to family. I love my where I am from, and I love that part of the state, and while Milwaukee is definitely a bit more influenced by Chicago than some other cities in the Midwest, you are certainly going to run into a deep pit of quicksand, especially if you are seen as some "big shot" from NYC. Your family won't be happy with an angry, frustrated father/husband, so go where you think is the best intersection of Your Career Needs x Family Amenities.

I, too, love the Midwest and where I'm from. But I haven't lived there in almost 20 years and I'm afraid of facing pushback/skepticism as an NYC transplant.

That's what I'm afraid of at the MKE company. We like it there for family reasons, but the business reasons are not as strong. We know where we would live, the schools, restaurants, etc. If I don't like the job or if they really don't like me, however, I'd be hard-pressed to find something similar in MKE.

SF sounds totally exciting to us and totally daunting. For my work, there are many possibilities that have high upside and very good pay. If it didn't work out where I was, I could probably change jobs pretty easily. But when I try to puzzle out commutes and a budget and schools and where we would live, it gets very frustrating.

With four kids, we should probably choose the simpler, lower cost option of MKE. But my "little voice" keeps telling me to leave the door open in California.