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Your response was so well put, and since I am in a similar situation this gives me strength too. Thank-you for your insight. I might even put this on cue cards when I tell my Dad that me, my husband and his granddaughter are moving away. I really wish we didn't have to, but we can't have the life we dream of where we are, so we just can't stay ... and we wouldn't be staying for ourselves we would be staying to apease our families and that is not fair - and when our restentment sets in that won't be fair to them either. Thank-you!
I hear you. I'm thinking about doing the same thing, although I know I'll feel better once I get it out in the open, but i really hate confrontation and I know this won't go well!
I moved 500 miles away from my parents when they told me to divorce my husband so my kids would not move in with their Dad. My ex and I made a decision and they did not like it. My mom freaked that she would not see the boys if they went with my ex. When in reality my boys were at the point they needed major discipline and their step Dad cannot do that. It has to be their real Dad. Well my ex husband more than wanted to step up and he has a wonderful fiance. She also has a son that my youngest is like brothers with. So they moved in with their Dad. They listen tons better to him. I went over there one day & my oldest was moving the grass and doing yard work of which I could never get him to do. He would just stay in his room and say he was too tired. I asked him why he did it for them and not me. He said "because Dad will kick my ass" and I know you couldn't and (my current husband) can't because he is not my Dad. Major difference in the way they listen with that threat. They both continue to get excellent grades and I pay a very good amount of child support and they have a good life and my ex extended family is very loving to them. I speak to them every day. I miss them terribly though. However I think it is for the best for now. I cannot express how happy I am being far away from my parents. We get along much better on the phone and when they get negative I suddenly have to get off the phone. I just got a new job offer and we are moving again and are excited. I told my parents and there went the what ifs and negatives and worry. I also recently found out that I am pregnant again. My husband and I are thrilled and my boys are excited too. They'd like it to be a sister. I love my Mom and Dad and wish them well but I could never be in that toxic environment again. Their way of thinking and guilt trips I just cannot tolerate and in order for me to enjoy me life I did what I had to do. This was the best decision for me, my husband and kids I feel.
We moved to Cary from Long Island ,NY 5 years ago(made a huge profit on our home). My single adult sister also moved with us for a new start. My younger brother(married) lives in Brooklyn. I have the only grandchildren.
Did or does anyone elses parents (mainly mom) throw a complete fit because "you left your family". My mom cannot handle that we moved. She picks fights all the time makes crazy statments " you couldn't hack it in NY". "you don't love your family" "why do you want to visit your friends, you didn't care about them since you moved". I know she is hurt that we moved, but do you think this is normal? How do you handle your parents? How did your parents and extended family handle you moving away?
Sounds very familiar! My mom has slowly gotten over it, but we live close enough (an hour and a half) that we can make visits and have them keep our son for the weekend, etc. My dad didn't say much, but my mom was CONSTANTLY on us for moving. She started making statements about our new place like "You won't like what you see in the school systems there." She assumed because we lived NEAR a big city, that the schools were bad. But we lived in suburbia where the schools were just fine!
We live on the east coast and my husbands job wants us to move to the west coast. Our house is on the market. I have not told my mom yet. It will not go over very well. Can I send her a post card once I get there???
Hah! I felt the exact same way when I moved away! Only my mom found out the week before I moved by driving by and seeing the for sale sign in my front yard. I am glad she found out that way, and I did not have to see her face when she found out!
wow, what my mom said to me was.."ive never been to chicago before"... which was cool. she's busy with her own life...she did tell my grown daughter that even though, because my husband and I lived 2 hrs away when we were in CA, it was disconcerting that we were gone......
However, I was blessed with parents who were into living their lives once we were out of the house...and they understand our leaving....
I can't wait for my peeps to come visit
Oh, this thread is both funny and sad.
Unfortunately, the advice I can give won't work for everyone: Move across the country from your parents. Have a child. Then move SLIGHTLY closer (a 9-hour drive) so they feel grateful that you are not so far. Then have your brother meet a woman from a former Soviet republic and move back to her country with her. Then get your brother and sister-in-law to have a child who is 10 time zones away from her grandparents. Then move only a 7-hour drive from your parents. Suddenly, you are the CLOSE child! With the close grandchildren! Your parents will be thrilled.
Like I said, this won't work for everyone. Another thing that helped was everytime my mom mentioned that all her friends had their kids and grandkids living within 30 miles of them, reminding her that I was at least the 4th generation in her family to move away from their parents. It's funny how she keeps forgetting that!
I was the last to move away. So I understand my mom feeling the way she does. We're from CA. My sisters live in WA and AZ and moved away over 20 yrs ago. I was the straggler and the youngest. My mom is my only remaining parent/gparent. She, however, has a very full life and travels most of the winter(skiing) and is gone from May - Oct on her boat.
I talk to her about one time every couple of weeks (she's busy)! I look forward to her coming out here this Spring....unless she has other plans.
We could move back in a heartbeat...not because we don't like it here... but because our house that we bought together and raised our kids in is home. Then we think about going back to the reality of what was... and I go out to look for new (old)homes
I guess this is a really old thread, but it reminded me of this...
Quote:
You can make peace with this fact: You are not your parents' narcotic. You are not their defense against the truth. It is not your job to deny reality so they can go on living in a silly bubble.
That doesn't mean you need to argue with them. You just need to go on being who you are and doing what makes you happy and fulfilled. This is their problem to deal with, not yours.
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). My single adult sister also moved with us for a new start. My younger brother(married) lives in Brooklyn. I have the only grandchildren.
. "you don't love your family" "why do you want to visit your friends, you didn't care about them since you moved". I know she is hurt that we moved, but do you think this is normal? How do you handle your parents? How did your parents and extended family handle you moving away?
